Rejects. ➵ 5SOS// hiatus.

four.

//Luke's POV\\

Getting into my house was easy.

But getting in and upstairs, past my mother and brother, that was the hard part. It's not like I wanted to avoid them, but every time I was around, they were constantly tearing my self esteem down to nothing. The made jokes about me that weren't funny. They joked about me gaining weight, or my shyness, my awkwardness. I couldn't help it! It was anxiety. I was one hundred percent sure that I had some form of social anxiety, but my parents would never believe me. They thought it was some stupid act I was putting on to get out of going to the family events, or doing oral presentations at school. But I always tried my best to do those things, and ended up with just dizziness, nausea, and in the end, suicidal thoughts.

I was always miserable, and my family teasing me for it didn't help one bit.

"Aw! Lukey's home!"

Shit. I tried to race up the stairs, but a swift hand grabbed my forearm and turned me around, and I sighed when I saw my mum's smiling face.

"Hey baby," She smiled, and she pressed a kiss to my cheek, and I groaned and wiped it off with my hand. "How was practice? I bet you're tired; I made dinner already. Your father and brother are eating; come join us."

"I'm tired mum..." I told her, half lying. I wasn't in the mood to eat; the thought of food alone made me feel sick. And that wasn't because of doing the football exercises for almost two hours. "I want to go lay down."

"Of course you want to go lay down! You're no shape to play football, you're a fat ass!"

I looked down to my feet when I heard Jack shout that from the dining room table. I shifted, trying not to let his words have an effect on me. If my mum saw me crying over what they said, she'd yell at them, which would make the teasing worse.

"That's enough Jack," My mum mumbled before she looked to me again. "Okay, Lukey. Go lay down then, and I'll bring up some Tylenol later if you're still feeling crummy."

I just nodded and turned on my heel, running up the stairs. I almost took them two at a time, and when I got to my room, and slammed the door shut. I got in my bed, hiding my face in a pillow. I bit my lip until I could taste the metallic taste of blood, trying not to cry. I was so weak and pathetic.. They were just teasing me- why should I take it so seriously? They've been teasing me since I was young, but still, every single time they say anything mean, I spiral into a dark hole of self hatred.

I felt my stomach twisting and rumbling, and I curled up, closing my eyes tightly. Hunger. Hunger pains were such a terrible pain, it seemed that when you were starving yourself, it hurt so much worse. It was like your body just knew what you were doing to it and was trying to urge you to eat. Luckily, I never gave in to my stomach's cries. It didn't control me.

Starving myself was the only thing I was strong enough to do. I ate enough to keep myself from passing out, maybe a small packet of crackers a day. I tried to even skip that, but it usually got to be overwhelming. Then there were times when I would overeat, and I had to skip the crackers for two days. A pretty fit punishment, if you ask me.

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face, trying to clear my thoughts to think of something other than my growling stomach. I rolled onto my back and stared up to the ceiling, letting my thoughts wander to the thing that's been bothering me all day.

Michael.

When Calum introduced me to him, I had a vague sense of who he was. I remembered seeing him walking in the hallways, his hair usually a different color every time I saw him. He had dyed it so many bright colors, and then he dyed it black months ago. It was black still, and I wondered why he went from such happy bright colors, to such a dark one.

He has gotten quieter since those days, more reserved. He used to be bright, and I remembered once hearing him talk to Calum, his hair was bright pink at the time, excitedly about some video game. It was honestly adorable how passionate he was about it. His voice used to be adorning when he spoke of what he loved, I haven't heard it in so long. He had changed so much.

High school changed everyone, though. Everyone seemed to be so much quieter- maybe it was the pressure and stress, the bullying. Everything was just hard for everyone. So why did it hurt me so much? Why did I want to take a bottle of pills? Cut my veins till I bled out? I guessed life was just testing me.

I didn't know if I could make it.

___

QOTC: Who's your favorite or least favorite character so far? Why?

I thought it would be fun to start doing little authors notes and stuff cause I love you guys.

I don't have much to say this time, so I suppose I'll give you a joke to cheer you up from all the sad reading in this.

What so you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosnore!

(I'm funny I swear.)
QOTC: Who's your favorite or least favorite character so far? Why?