Face the Music

Chapter 13

After getting cleaned up, we walked to Ella's house. I swung by the hotel to grab my extra clothes so that I could stay at Ella's house overnight again. She protested, but I reminded her that someone was using her to get try and hurt me, which silenced her argument.

We walked most of the way without speaking. It was easy to see that Ella was tense and I could practically feel the anxiety rippling off of her. I saw her stroke her own arm, as if cold, so I moved closer and draped an arm over her shoulders.

She pulled away abruptly. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea about this," she said.

"About this?" I asked, searching for her gaze in the fading daylight. She was looking at the ground beneath our feet or at the distant horizon or at the scrub brush next to the trail - anywhere but at me.

"About last night," she said, a little awkwardly, blushing. "And about us."

"Us?" I asked, surprised at the small thrill I felt when I said the word. She sighed and turned to face me.

"Ben, this is crazy. There is no us. Last night was a mistake, and I never should have let you kiss me."

"Last I checked, you kissed me back," I asserted, stepping closer to her, "so don't act like you didn't want it too. I was the one who pulled away." I told her, getting angry at the accusatory tone in her voice. I could feel a strange, crackling tension radiating around our bodies. She gaped at me, searching for words.

"I...uh.." she stuttered. "I just want you to know that this," she gestured between us, "you and me, can't work."

There was an unexpected swell of disappointment in my chest, but I kept my face neutral. I even managed a fake incredulous grin.

"Is that what this is about? Why you're acting so...distant?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. She looked at me, almost apologetically, and shrugged.

"I'm not looking for a relationship here, Ella. I've got a job to do, and once I do it, I'll be out of your hair. My main concern is keeping you safe while I catch these guys."

"Oh," she said. For a moment, I thought she looked disappointed, but I chided myself for gaining false hope and pushed my unnecessary emotions aside. I decided to focus only on catching Loretto, forgetting any distractions, which could be difficult since Ella topped my list of distractions. "I just wanted you to know," she told me quietly.

"And I do know," I said, "and I agree." I hated how cold my voice sounded. "Let's get going," and I continued walking up the path.

Ella caught up to me, and struggled to keep up with my long strides.

"Are you mad?" She asked, slightly breathless. It took a lot of effort for me to slow down my pace.

"Why would I be angry?" I was asking her as much as asking myself. I had no right to be disappointed, or mad. I'd known from the beginning that nothing could happen between Ella and me. I was here to bust Loretto's drug operation, catch him, then start on my next job. End of story.

"I don't know," she said, shyly. "You just seem mad."

I slowed more, and let out a breath. I looked at her and gave her a small, reassuring smile. "I'm not mad, Ella. Just concerned about your safety, that's all."

"Thanks," she murmured. I thought that after voicing her concerns about our...relationship...she'd have relaxed, but I could tell she was still tense. Still uptight about something.

"Are we good now?" I asked. "You seem nervous."

"Yeah, I'm good," she said, making an effort to appear relaxed. I knew it wasn't genuine.