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get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student.
sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
+ c2 ends, and i still didn't get a clear explanation of the awards. not even close. i never heard of schools taking out students on such long trips. in fact, it's prohibited in most countries. this concept is new and intriguing, but you're not giving it justice details wise. ending the chapter on zane's thot is confusing rather than intriguing. maybe let the headmaster explain more before you end the chapter. secure the readers.
i think, from the two chapters you have so far, you need more time to think out the plot and add your original ideas. you should also create a hook to secure readers; sth that stays hidden, affects the characters and is only revealed at the climax maybe. drop hints here and there. you can also use an inciting incident between the main characters in chapter one to start your way to the hook.
✿ characters (12/20)
as i mentioned in the previous section, the first hint of characterisation we see is zaira showing off. while you try to portray her as a nice gal from her interactions with emily, she still comes off as bratty and a showoff. the alarm bit shows that.
one way you can work on characterisation is by improving dialogue:
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this conversation here for example. it's not wrong but has a huge room for improvement. you can tell us more about their facial expressions, their little moves and mannerisms, tone, etc. she also starts eating the pancakes, but you don't say that. for example, say she cut a sizeable bite. her taste buds are excited to meet the familiar delicious taste of pancakes. just an example to indicate she's eating sth she likes :)
this will enhance the reader's experience and bring the characters to life more.
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zane and axton fight, but you didn't explain exactly why. people don't usually get physical over some verbal teasing about a competition, i believe. the intensity of their hatred needs to be explained. maybe they have a history together? a background story between the two that you need to hint at?
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i felt the characters weren't acting according to their supposed age. if they were in school and driving cars, then i assume they're 16-18. zaira came off as a bratty child in her pov, overconfident in her status as if everyone cares if she swims in money. i suppose in her school most of the students have the same status, so who is she showing off to? then on other occasions, i feel zaira tries to act older than her age? like an actual woman, not a schoolgirl. maybe the bold kissing and teasing that gave off that vibe. i'm not saying schoolgirls shall be awkward whatsoever, but they're not that bold either (or overconfident for the matter), and you didn't portray your character to be any different (except financially, but she's in a school where she's not rich alone, so). maybe you need to think more about how that forms her character.
also, ik students fight, but while i see no apparent reason, i'm left to think it's childish banter.
