He Says He's Just A Friend

Chapter 58 - Feels Like the First Time

I sat up and scowled at Emmett. "I suck, don't I?"

Emmett laid a hand on my cheek. "Well, you tried to." He was trying very hard not to laugh.

I tapped my fist against Emmett's knee. "Not funny."

"I'm just teasing. You did great for your first time. You'll do even better the more you practice. Which I'm more than willing to help you with."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'll just bet you are."

Emmett leaned in to kiss me, slipping his tongue through my lips.

When I broke away and stood up, Emmett grabbed my hips to draw me closer between his legs. He kissed my stomach in a few different spots before he looked up at me. "Want me to show you how it's done?"

"I'd appreciate that."

I tried to pay attention to everything Emmett was doing, but I soon forgot that, as the feeling overwhelmed me. I stopped Emmett before he could finish the job. I didn't want this to be over yet. There was a lot more that I wanted to do.

When Emmett stood up, I gave him a quick, fervid kiss. As soon as my eyes met his, my face grew intensely hot. I didn't know how to ask what I wanted to ask. "Would it be okay if we—would you mind if I—"

"I'm gonna need some context clues here, babe."

"I want you to be the one..." I laid my hands on Emmett's chest, staring down at my fingernails, which were chewed to nubs, too embarrassed to even look him in the eye. I couldn't even finish the sentence.

Emmett put his hand under my chin and lifted it so I would look at him. "I can't do it if you don't ask."

I cleared my throat. My mouth had suddenly gone parched. "I've been thinking about this—us together and what it would look like—a lot. Especially the last few weeks since we've actually been dating. And I keep thinking the same thing. And I don't know if you are okay with this—"

Emmett smiled at me. "I'm okay being the bottom. Alfie was kind of insistent on it. Maybe he thought it was less gay. I don't know."

I shook my head. "That's not what I was gonna say."

"Oh?" After a second, Emmett's eyes went wide. "Oh! You mean you want to—okay." He nodded. "I wasn't expecting that."

I brought my hands up to cover my face and turned away, mortified. I felt totally naked—in the not-fun, emotionally vulnerable, embarrassed kind of way. This was a bad idea. I should've let it go, let Emmett do that part.

Emmett pried my hands away from my face. He was standing in front of me, his body almost, but not quite, touching me. Still close enough to feel the heat radiating off him. He reached up and held my face in his hands. "I'm okay with that, too. If that's really what you want."

I blinked frantically, trying not to meet Emmett's eyes. But we were so close. It was almost impossible to avoid looking directly at him with his hands holding my face. So, I conceded and met his gaze. "It's weird that I want that, right? I've only been with girls, so I had to be... I had to be the guy."

"Baby, it's not weird at all. And you are the guy. And so am I."

"You aren't, like, totally turned off by me right now?"

"Let me just check." Emmett looked down between us, then back up at me. "Nope. It doesn't appear that I am."

That actually made me laugh. My tension faded as I wrapped my arms around him, leaning against him.

Emmett kissed me deeply, passionately. Then he said, "If I were turned off by the thought of having sex with you, in any way, we wouldn't be here right now. That's just like a lot of internalized homophobia messing with your brain."