If Only I Could | Quackity

Part 2

TW! Ed, purposefully throwing up, foul language

The two boys went to stream from Quackity's account for the first time in a while. And the chat was going crazy.

User15826: Yoooo Quackity and Tommy meet up!
User8362: YOOOO POGGERS MATES
User9277: Is it just me or does Quackity look different?
User6396: It looks like somethings wrong..

Alexis tried to ignore the chat asking about him. They played some Minecraft and ended the stream. And that was the last stream for another few weeks again.

He had gotten better at eating, but the problem was once he was done eating. He would eat as much as he normally would, but once he was done, he would go straight to the bathroom and make himself regurgitate his food. He'd stick his fingers down his throat till he gagged and threw up. But he didn't tell anyone anything. The only person that had even known he had an eating disorder was Tommy, who thought he was better now.

He went on a call with Tommy, Toby, and Ranboo. They were filming a food challenge stream, where they would spin a wheel and have to add whatever ingredient they landed on. Once they had spun it 5 times each, they would have to eat the meal they made. Quackity figured it was fine, since he was just going to throw it up later. But the ingredients he got were disgusting together.

Mustard, chips, strawberries, sour gummy worms, and lettuce. He was really nervous about eating it, but he did it anyways.

"YOOO POGGERS QUACKITY" said Tommy.

"AYYY BOSS MAN" said Toby.

"AGH THAT LOOKS DISGUSTING MAN NICE JOB" said Ranboo.

They each tried their foods and laughed about it when Alex excused himself.

"I'll be right back guys um, there's someone at the door," he said, muting his mic and getting up. Except he didn't realize his mute button didn't work. He went into the bathroom and gagged himself. He threw up multiple times, Tommy, Toby, and Ranboo hearing the dry heaves from the call.

"Is he ok?!" Toby asked.

"I don't know I thought someone was at the door," Ranboo said.

Tommy just sat there feeling guilty. The challenge was his idea, he didn't realize he wasn't better.

"It's all my fault.." Tommy mumbled to himself.

"What was that mate?" Toby said.

Tommy explained the situation to them, feeling more guilty than ever.

"I should have known. I knew he had an eating disorder but I thought he was better. He didn't look any happier. I just thought because he was eating-"

"Tom, it's not your fault man," Ranboo said.

"Yeah, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know," Toby added.

Alex came back and realized he was unmuted the whole time.

"Shit. What did you guys hear?"

"Alex, why didn't you tell us?" Tommy asked.

"You know we wouldn't tell anyone if you asked us not too," Toby said.

"And we would try our best to help you Alex," Ranboo added.

"Thank you guys," Alex said. "I'm just, I don't know, ashamed of it."

His friends assured him it's nothing to be ashamed of and that they want to help him in any way they can. Alex was thankful for their support of course, but he was still embarrassed. How could I leave myself unmuted? I'm such an idiot!

"Um guys, I gotta go. Sorry," he said, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Ok, call us if you need anything," Ranboo said.

He thanked them all and quickly left the call. It got harder to breathe, like his chest was closing in. His vision blurred, his head was spinning. What the fuck is going on? I can't breathe, or see properly, and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. He knew it was partly because of his eating disorder, but he had never had a panic attack before. He didn't know what to do so he called Karl. Karl could help me right? Well, the other probably could too, but I'm closer with him.

Hands shaking, he found Karl's contact in his phone and video called him. He didn't show his face but he wanted to see Karl.

"Hey Alex! What's up?"

"Um, Karl?" He said, voice breaking. "You've had a panic attack before, right?"

Looking and sounding concerned, he said, "Yes.. Alex are you alright?"

"Um," he said, voice shaking. "I don't know.. I can't breathe properly, and I'm shaking, and I'm dizzy, and I can't see properly, and-"

"Alex, you're just having a panic attack. It'll be ok, don't worry. Tell me something you can touch."

Alex looked at Karl doubtfully. He reassured Alex to trust him.

"Um, my keyboard."

"Good. Now touch it. Get everything out of your head and just focus on how it feels."

After about 20 seconds Quackity was calm again.

"Did that help?" Karl asked.

"How the fuck did you do that?" Alex asked, chuckling.

"It's a grounding exercise," he laughed. "Do it anytime you have a panic attack ok? Or call me of course."

"Thank you, Karl."

"Of course Alex. If you don't mind me asking, what was wrong? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Alex felt sick just thinking about it.

"Ask Tommy, Toby, or Ranboo. They'll tell you about it, I just don't feel like talking about it right now. Sorry.."

"That's ok! Talk to you later Alex, ok? I love you!"

"Te quiero Karl."

The both smiled as the hung up the phone.