If Only I Could | Quackity

Part 1

TW! Ed, foul language, talk of not being good enough, throwing up

"Alright chat! That's about it for the stream, thank you all so much for-" the streamer was interrupted by chat.

He read a message aloud. "Why you built like that?" He read, sounding confused.

"Like what? What- what do you mean?" He chuckled nervously.

"Okay, um... that's it for tonight. Bye chat!" He ended the stream. What did they mean by that? He thought to himself. He went over to the mirror. Holy shit. He thought. He realized he wasn't happy with the way he looked. I hate myself. Why do I have to look like this? I'm not good enough. Not even close. I'm so fucking fat.

"Alexis! Dinner!" His mom called from downstairs.

"Um, I'm not hungry right now mom!"

"Alright then."

And that continued for the next few weeks. Skipping meals, barely eating anything, and when he did eat something, he felt incredibly guilty. Saturday morning, Tommy came over to do a stream since he was Mexico for a few weeks.

"Ayup mate! How's it going?" Tommy said, doing a handshake with Alex.

"Ya know, the usual. Come on, let's go set up the stream!"

It had been a few weeks since Alex had streamed, because of his eating disorder. Tommy noticed Alex had thinned out.

Concerned he asked, "Alex, I don't mean to make the situation weird but... have you been eating lately?"

Shit. Was it that obvious? Yes, it was. His face was pale, he was thinner, and he didn't look truly happy. And he wasn't.

"Yeah, of course I have. Why wouldn't I?" He chuckled nervously.

"Alex..." Tommy said, sounding even more concerned.

Alex gave in.

"Fine. I haven't eaten properly in weeks."

"Mate, that's not healthy! Can you try eating something small please? Just maybe a biscuit or something?"

"I can try..." he said hesitantly.

Tommy had a bag of biscuits that he had brought from England. He pulled them out of his bag. He opened the pack and gave Alex one.

"Here, just try if you can. If you keep this up it'll only be harder to stop, ok?"

Alex took a bite of the biscuit. And then another. I'm doing it. I'm actually eating normally! He thought to himself. He swallowed his food and thought he had done it. He dropped the biscuit and ran to the bathroom.

"Alex?! You alright?!" Tommy said, running after him to make sure he was ok.

Alex locked the bathroom door and threw up. His stomach just couldn't handle anything anymore. Neither could his mind. He just couldn't bring himself to eat properly. He wrapped his arms around his stomach as Tommy knocked on the door.

"Alex! You alright mate? I'm sorry, I didn't know it would be that bad.."

"It's alright Tom, you didn't know. You were only trying to help," Quackity said, coming out from the bathroom. "Come on, let's go stream."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine Tommy, don't worry. Let's go."