Perfect Double Suicide ~Dazai Fanfiction

#13

"Ehm... Is it save to be here?" I asked skeptical, thinking that they might come back. "Of course it's not" He replied and went inside. "Grab your most important stuff and be ready in 20" He left me standing in the door, so I just went to my bag and grabbed my stuff. I didn't have much anyways.

I did as he said and was ready after 20 minutes. He didn't explain much, just took my hand and left the apartment with me. We went to his car, got in and he drove to the fast travel street. I noticed he was a pretty bad driver.

"Say...Where are we going?" I asked after we spend some time quiet. "A save place" he replied and turned up the volume of the radio.

He obviously doesn't want to talk about it... I'll be quiet then.

After two or more hours, he stopped in front of a house on the country side. It seemed very old, the garden was wild and nobody has been there in a long time, that was for sure.

"Where are we?" I asked while we walked up over the overgrown way to the house. "It's the house of my parents, nobody knows about it. We will be save here" He replied and took out a key.

(Note: Since there is nothing known about his actual parents, I will be making them up, using the real life inspiration Osamu Dazai. If you didn't know, he is based off a real life author from Japan, Google it up, most BSD Characters are based on irl artists. Of course I will be playing around with the information, so don't go ahead thinking I am using exactly the same correct info)

His parents?

"I never heard you mention them" I tried getting something out of him, but was brushed off with a "There is nothing to mention" We went inside the house and the dust was almost hitting my face, so full was the air of it. "I think we have to clean up a bit first" I said coughing and pulled my shirt protecting over my nose and mouth.

We did as I said and cleaned up most of the house. It was a lot of work, nobody was here in years! Everything was still in place and covered with plastic, but we had to remove everything and clean it. Dazai was mostly quiet in thoughts. I noticed that he has been like that since we went our way to here. And since we entered the house, his face was blank and hiding all of his emotion. I decided to leave him be for now.

Later that day we went to get some grocery and I cooked us some lasagna for dinner. When we sat around the big table in the kitchen, Dazai wasn't touching his food at all. He was starring on his plate with his hands balled to fists under the table. I couldn't watch him suffer quietly anymore.

"What is wrong Bunny?" I asked gently and he looked up like I had woken him. "Huh?" "I asked what's wrong Bunny, you been buried in thoughts all this time, is it the house?" I asked and he looked away. "I don't want to talk about it" He went the question out of the way and I laid my fork down on the table. "Well, I don't want to see you sad anymore, so what are we gonna do?" I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I'm gonna go for a smoke" He said, got up and left without another word.

I looked after him concerned, just what did happen to him in this house? 

He came back after a few minutes, but went upstairs instead of coming back to the table. Since I finished my food, I took my plate to wash and wrapped his up to put it into the fridge. I cleaned up the kitchen and then went to the stairs.

What is he doing up there?

I walked up the stairs and started to look around. He was nowhere to be found. My eyes fell on the door of the room he didn't want to be cleaned or opened. He probably is in there. I walked up to the door and knocked. "Are you in there Dazai-san?"I got no reply so I opened the door.

Everything was dark inside the room, it took me some time to adjust my eyes, but then I saw Dazai kneeling in the middle of the room on the ground. He was- Crying?

"Dazai-san?" I walked up to him and went concerned down to the ground next to him. "Hey Bunny! What is it? Look at me" I tried to turn is face to me, but he snipped my hand away. "Go out, please" he said and buried his head in his hands. "No I won't, if you don't want to talk, then we just gonna sit here quietly" I replied and wrapped my arms around him. I felt his body tense up, but he didn't push me away.

We sat like this for quite some time.

"This used to be my mother's room" He said quietly after a few minutes more have passed in silence. "She died a long time ago, passed away due to illness" I kept quietly listening to him, I knew he needed to talk, and it was my time to give him a loving ear. "I remember her sent still...It smelled like a garden of flowers after rain, so pure and fresh... It would fill up my nose every time she'd hug me and I'd fall down on purpose, just to get that hug that only my mom could give me. I never felt love with anyone but my mom... And when she died, all the love just disappeared. I was stranded in the dark and I haven't left that place ever since"

He stopped talking for a moment. I felt something wet on my arm and when I looked at him, I saw his eyes filled with tears. "Oh my sweet Bunny" I took his head and placed in on my chest, hugging him softly and going soothing through his hair. "It's okay, just let it out" I whispered and his shoulder's started shaking.

After a bit he calmed down and placed his head on my lap. I kept on going through his hair, while smiling softly down to him. He is so hurt on the inside, but yet he is so strong on the outside too. All he needs is someone to hold on to, someone that will never leave him no matter what. 

"You know, my dad was the real problem" He said and his fingers balled a fist. "He is the reason she became ill, he is the reason she died" His voice was so bitter. "He used to be away all the time, but whenever he came back home he-" Dazai stopped for a moment. 

"He used to beat my mother and me... First he'd only push but then- Then he started to use knifes and sharp objects..." I stared down to him in shock, I couldn't believe my ears. "When my mother became mentally sick, I was the one who got all his torture. He cut my entire body open so many times... Everywhere I have these scars, I try to cover them but- Whenever I see them I get reminded. I see his face and-" He lifted his hand to his face and laid it over his eye. "I see him all over me again, he cuts deep and the blood drops down on the ground, I feel- I feel his hands everywhere again and he... After my mom got sick he started to dress me up as girl and then he'd do all kinds of sick things. The door to my mom's bedroom was always open and she'd be downstairs reading. I can hear his moans in this room and the sound it make when he'd do it, my eyes where at the door at all times, scared my mother could come in and see-" He stopped talking and his nails scratched over the wood floor.

"If I hadn't killed him already, I'd do it again" He growled and hit his palm into the floor. His skin broke open and started bleeding, I took his hand in mine and ripped off a part of my shirt. I wrapped it around his hands gently and gave it a small kiss afterwards. Dazai watched me do it and my eyes crossed his. "I'm sorry all this happened to you, but it's over now Bunny, I am here now and I'm gonna help you forget" I said and hugged him. "I wish that be possible" He whispered and I pressed him tight at myself.

"It will, you'll see"