My Own Direction (Wilkins Brothers Book #5)

Chapter 10

The palm of her hand caressed my cheek and she leaned in and kissed the other cheek, “Whatever you are comfortable with sharing, Hat. I swear I won’t judge you. We both have our demons, but I want to make sure I can support you the best way possible.”

“Just you being you is doing a lot, but I can share. It is just hard to think about how I acted and how it could have ended so much worse.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure you have every right to be proud of your growth and what you went through.”

“You’re such a ray of sunshine, I kind of like it.”

“I prefer a rainbow,” she quips with a smirk.

“You would. I’m thinking more the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.”

“Now you’re just sucking up and changing the subject, Hattie.”

“You see right through me.”

“That’s because I see you for who you are.” Her lips gently touch against mine again. “Talk to me, baby.”

“I’ve kind of told you how I’ve been a little jealous of my siblings and finding their love and starting their families, when I was with my ex-girlfriend, Sami, I thought she was it. I thought she was the one. We’d have conversations here and there about the future, it all felt so real until it wasn’t.”

“She didn’t want the same things?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I missed some signs or made some signs up in my head, but man I really thought we were on the same track. When we broke up, it was a punch to the gut. I was completely taken back. The entire thing was totally unexpected. One moment we were having dinner and talking about planning an RV trip through California and then a few hours later she tells me that she’s not sure we want the same things.”

“Just like that? Wow, what a bitch.”

“Just like that. I don’t know what happened. She wasn’t my first relationship, but she was the first woman I thought I would see myself with. I had a really hard time processing what happened and I didn’t work through my broken heart in the best way.”

“Drinking?” Zoey questioned.

I nod, “It started out just at home, but eventually that just had me feeling lonely and I didn’t like that feeling either so I started going out to bars and clubs. I would close up the studio and then spend the rest of the night in Scottsdale or Tempe at a bar and just drink, dance, let loose.”

“That doesn’t sound THAT bad. I mean, every night is a little excessive.”

“It was beyond excessive. I passed out in an unknown amount of locations. My brother, Tate, was always the one that came to get me.”

“Why Tate?”

“This was before Rosemary, so he was the only one that was unattached. I knew he’d keep my secret and not tell my parents what was going on. That was until one night he had enough. He finally ratted me out and I was so pissed at him, but now I see it was for the best.”

“He was just trying to protect his little sister.”

“I know that now. I would have done the same thing if any of my brothers or my friends were suffering the same way I was. I wanted to pretend I was okay, but I was hurting and broken inside. The only thing that helped me was being so drunk that I couldn’t feel.”

I was able to get through most of the story without getting too emotional, but when Zoey put her arms around me and forced me into a hug I finally lost it. It wasn’t how I planned for this to go, but I cried and she held me, gently running her fingers through my hair until I could gain my composure again. “And that is why you don’t drink anymore?”

“I still drink sometimes, but I make sure it is in controlled situations. I might have a beer or glass of wine when I’m having dinner with the family. In other situations where it would be too easy to overindulge I refrain. I don’t want to be out of control again.”

“With me?”

I shake my head, “Zoey, you make me feel out of control, but in the best possible way.”

“You say that like it is a bad thing.”

My fingers gently play across her bare skin once again, “It isn’t bad at all. I won’t lie, it scares me how strongly I feel for you. I don’t want to get hurt again, but I don’t want to pretend like this isn’t something special.”

“You never need to pretend with me, Hattie. I feel the same way about you. I know it can feel too good to be true, but it isn’t. You’re safe with me. If you ever want to lose control, I’ll catch you. I swear.”

“I don’t want to lose control around you, Zoey. I want to be in the moment and feel all the feelings with you.”

“Good,” she said with a smirk. Zoey’s hand disappeared below the sheet, grazed over my breast, and then she slid it between my legs. “Let me help you forget all about anybody who came before me.”