Fearless:The Death League

Chapter 52:Used to be Mine

Tsss....

Love really hurts isn't it?

I love her

I really do

I lost her once

And now I did something that will make me lose her again

Lose her again in my arms

I am afraid to lose her

God knows how afraid I am

God knows that I don't want to

But I made a mistake

I never trusted her

I never trusted them

Is letting her go a right decision?

Because right now,I don't know what to do anymore

I don't know how to live in this world anymore

But I know I can't give up...

Because many depends on me

So much depends on me

Pinunasan ko nalang ang pisngi ko at tumayo

"Pupunta muna ako sa bayan.I deserve to be miserable because of guilt"-Sabi ko sabay labas na ng kwarto ko

Pagkarating ko sa bayan ay halos mapaluhod ako dahil sa panghihina ng tuhod ko

I did this?

Bakit ba hindi ko inisip ang hininging kapalit ng ginawa ko?

How did I become someone so foolish?

Napahawak naman agad ako sa tagiliran ko ng biglang sumakit ang sugat ko

Sh*t!

F*ck this!

Bakit ba dumagdag pa tong buwesit na sugat na to sa napakadaming sakit na nararamdaman ko?

This f*cking wound is wasting my blood damn it!

F*ck this wound!

"Prime"-rinig Kong tawag nang kung sino mula sa likuran ko

Paglingon ko ay nakita ko si Arrow

So nandito din pala siya sa bayan

"Okay ka lang?"-Tanong niya nung mapansin niyang hawak-hawak ko ang tagiliran ko

Binitawan ko naman agad ang tagiliran ko saka ako sumagot

"I'm fine"-Sabi ko

"Why did you do this?Why did you burn the town?"-Tanong niya

"I still can't answer you.I'm not in the right position to give my reason,Wala na eh,nagawa ko na"-Sagot ko sabay talikod ko sa kanya

"Prime,tell me,Why did you do it?"-Tanong niya ulit

"I told you I can't answer you"

"Then why did you break up with Ella?"-Tanong niya na ikinalingon ko ulit sa kanya

Alam na pala nilang naghiwalay na kami

Malungkot naman akong ngumiti sa kanya bago sumagot

"Because it's not right.She don't deserve someone like me"

Pagkatapos kong sabihin Yun ay naglakad na agad ako papunta sa basketball court

I deserve to be tormented more because of what I did

I did this

I f*cking did this

Pagkarating ko sa basketball court ay napasandal agad ako sa pader dahil sa pagkahilo

So I lost so much blood huh?

But it doesn't matter though

I don't f*cking care

I don't f*cking care if I'll die this way

I deserve it anyway

Napatingin naman agad ako sa paligid at napahinto agad ang mata ko sa isang gilid

It's Ella

But.....

With someone else

Ella is crying in someone else's shoulder

Napangiti nalang ulit ako ng malungkot dahil sa nakikita ko

Dahil yun nalang ang tanging magagawa ko

That should be me hugging her

That should be me comforting her

Jealousy is eating me

I know that

But I still can't do anything...

Because I know that I am the reason why she is hugging someone else

And I am the reason why she is crying in someone else's shoulder

I've already let her go

So the only thing that I can do now is to watch her.....

Watch her from afar....

I already accepted that we are already over because I screwed up

I f*cking screwed up!

Marami sigurong nagsasabi ngayon na ang bobo ko

Yes,I am

I'm a f*cking stupid jerk

Marami sigurong nagsasabi sa inyo ngayon na why won't I fight for the one I love

I did

I really tried

But how can I win against my own guilt?

It hurts

It hurts so bad

It hurts to admit that I lost

I lost against my guilt

Because that's what I am

I can win against anyone if I want to,but I know that I can't win against myself

And it's myself that is telling me to let her go so I gave in

I did let her go

Looking at her now makes me think that how I wish we could've met in a different place and in a different time

Loving someone is not that easy

Loving her is not easy

But I'm glad because someday,If God wouldn't let us to be together I still have something to be grateful about.

Something I can smile about

Something that can never make me ashamed or down

It's the fact that a woman that strong,

A woman that beautiful,

A woman that perfect,

And A woman so fierce  and fragile,

Was used to be mine.....

(You can play the song here)

*****

How are you?

Take care always<3