A Funny Thing Happened During The Battle of New York

xviii.

Hiya! Just a brief CW for mild descriptions of a panic attack. Just in case. Our poor Wren is going through it, but Stevie will be there to pick up the pieces.

———————-

I was finally released from medical yesterday. I could tell Steve was hesitant to let me go back to my apartment, but I just needed some kind of normalcy back.

Having giant gaps in my memory was making me incredibly antsy, and while the team assured me they would get the bottom of my kidnapping—I was honestly just eager to move past it.

That entire plan went right out the window the second I stepped foot into the apartment. I don't know what triggered it. The apartment looked exactly as I'd left it. Nothing was amiss. Moose trotted happily into the room curling himself around my ankles and chirping happily to see me. But all I could think about, all I could focus on was the fact that someone else had been inside my home.

Someone had been watching me, had been moving about my personal space, planting bugs and listening to me.

My heart began to pound furiously in my chest, my entire body going rigid as the room narrowed around me. I didn't even notice I had started to hyperventilate until Steve's hands grasped my arms and his worried blue eyes found mine.

"Baby, breath. Just take a deep breath ok? Everything is fine. You're safe."

I heard him, but it was like I was underwater and the sound could barely reach me.

"I can't—I can't breath." I gasped out, my chest tight with panic. I wanted to run, but my body was frozen. What was I going to do when he went back to D.C. ?How was I going to be alright—alone in the apartment?

"You can Wren, I'm right here— I'm not leaving you," He placed his hand on my cheek when I started shaking my head in denial, "I want you to tell me 5 things you can see."

My eyes widened as he held my stare, my breathing still coming in shallow bursts.

"5 things. Come on." He coaxed.

"Your eyes." I gasped out.

"Good, 4 more."

My eyes shot around the room quickly, "Moose, the sketch book you gave me on the coffee table..."

"Keep going." Steve said and his soothing voice finally came into focus. I continued to look around the room, hesitant to take my eyes off of Steve.

"The cat tree by the tv," I said then my eyes focused back on Steve's face, my heartbeat began to slow "That one strand of hair that never stays put on your forehead."

"Good. Good job." He cooed kissing my forehead. I slowly loosened my death grip on his shirt and sucked in a deep breath as my nerves began to settle.

"What was that?" I asked, taking deep calming breaths while I tried to control my trembling.

"You aren't the only one with a therapist with unique  coping ideas."

"Oh."

"There's more steps, but you calmed down without them."

"Sorry about that." I whispered feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over me.

"Hey," Steve said putting his finger beneath my chin and tilting my face up to look at him, "Never apologize for getting overwhelmed."

"I don't know what happened. I thought it would be better—familiar—but it's not."

"Wren," Steve said and I saw his expression change to that familiar look he often had plastered across it the past for the past week.

"This isn't your fault." I insisted.

"It kinda feels like it is," Steve replied, "I just wish I didn't have to go back to D.C." He sighed dropping his head to the crook of my shoulder, "The thought of being away from you again, where I can't protect you."

I fought off the wave of panic trying to resurface at the thought of him leaving and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"I'll be ok." I lied.

"You just had a panic attack, and you're still having nightmares." Steve protested, his voice muffled against my skin.

"Which you can't do anything about."

"We still don't know who did this, they could come back." Steve muttered voicing my own fears back to me.

"I know." I replied running my fingers through his hair.

Steve pulled back abruptly his blue eyes searching mine.

"Come with me to D.C."

I blinked owlishly up at him.

"I'm sorry I think I just hallucinated. What was that?"

Steve smirked, his fingers curling around a loose strand of my hair and tucking it behind my ear. His palm settled against my neck, and his face became serious.

"Come with me to D.C. permanently."

"Steve, that's a big commitment," I said my mind whirling a million miles an hour at his sudden suggestion, "Plus, I have a life here in New York. I mean shitty as it is, I like my job at the coffee shop—a-and my apartment. W-what about Moose? You'd be signing up for cat parenthood as well and he's a lot to handle-"

My rambling was cut short with his lips against mine, and I melted against him instantly. Who was I kidding really. Living with Steve would be the perfect solution. When he wasn't on missions he and I would be together, and when he was—well we would figure that out.

Deep down I knew that a lot of the appeal of moving in with Steve had to do with the fact that I was terrified to be alone. And the thought of him being hours away and me here in my apartment again, was not something that gave me the warm fuzzies.

Sure, I'd have to pack up my life—such as it was—and start over in a new city. But I couldn't help but feel a sense of calm rush over me at the security I'd have being with Steve.

"I can practically hear you thinking." Steve mumbled against my lips and I smiled in-spite of my rapidly zig-zagging thoughts.

"Sorry. I just. I think maybe you're right, it's a good idea. I'll feel safer with you."

Steve stood up to his full height with a huge smile on his face, "Really?"

"Yes, really."

I let out a squeak as Steve lifted me in his arms and spun us, expertly avoiding tripping over Moose who was still circling our ankles.

"Baby. I promise, I'll keep you safe." He swore and I  laughed in spite of the small bit of worry still lingering in the back of my mind.

"I know you will." I replied feeling a small spark of excitement flutter through me.

"I love you. I'm never gonna let anything bad happen to you again." Steve swore, holding me tightly in his arms.

Deep down I knew he couldn't really promise me that. There were so many things that were out of either of our control. Even superhero's can't save everyone. But I chose in that moment to pack my trauma into a box and shove it into the far corners of my mind.

It's something I can unpack another day.

-Wren