Odyssey

but it's all that i've ever wanted

Maybe with Mark, it'd disappear but it just grew.

It consumed him and Haechan could only wonder why it stayed. He thought of the demons he had slayed years ago, the emptiness making him hollow and melancholy.

Mark noticed this. How could he not? Haechan was his brother, his best friend. He was quieter, the songs he composed were deeper. It was no longer about living life and being confident. It was no longer about reaching for his dreams and the hopes he had held onto.

It was about emptiness. Just that.

It was about one big hole in his heart that was growing, like a plague and a sudden darkness.

Mark knew Haechan's artistic streak was because of how sensitive and how good he was in putting his emotions into songs but this was different.

Because it lasted.

As Mark tried to save Haechan from spiraling, Haechan pushed him away and built walls around his heart because if he were to suffer, he'd do it alone. He wouldn't pull Mark down with him.

What was he missing? Haechan pondered this question over and over again, closing his eyes and trying to understand when one day it struck him.

Unanswered questions. He had a lot of unanswered questions.

Now that his career was stable, Haechan had the time and money to find answers to those questions.

"You want to go back to Korea?" Mark asked him, Haechan nodding as he packed his bags. "Is it because Jeno went back?"

"No," Haechan answered, throwing his clothes into the bag. "I'm not asking you for permission, Mark."

"Of course not," Mark said back, sounding hurt. Haechan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know, Hyuck."

His old name rolled off Mark's tongue and Haechan felt the emptiness amplify. That was what he was missing. The old him, the identity to his old name. He simply needed answers and whether he would get it or not it would drive him crazy.

"I want to find my father," Haechan said to his friend, his lips turning down. "It's been bugging me."

"You want to go back and revisit your past?" Mark asked, knowing full well that it never did anyone any good.

"I want to find out where he went," Haechan said simply and Mark frowned at his best friend. Mark knew that whatever Haechan wanted to do, he'd do it with or without Mark so he nodded.

Mark also knew Haechan's tendencies to go off the rails so he, just for his own peace of mind, stood up and began to pack his own bag. It was a silent decision, Haechan watching Mark remove his own clothes from the shared closet of the studio they were in.

"Don't forget your coat," Haechan said, Mark grunting. Chicago was warmer than Korea and they would have to say goodbye to their Chicago studio, Johnny bidding them farewell.

"See you when the seasons change," Johnny told both of them. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Haechan."

Off they went, flying back to their motherland.

Haechan breathed the Seoul air and told himself that it was the only way to get rid of the emotional emptiness.

He hired a PI, a private investigator by the name of Huang Renjun. Huang Renjun did not ask him much, just where he last seen the person and if he had any other family members he knew about.

No, Haechan said to him. It was only me and him and for a moment, his mind went to the church and the memories he had there.

And in those memories, there was you. You in your white dress and a white bow that held your hair back, Haechan remembering the wish he made for you.