ROLAKE (DISCONTINUED)

•8: Fights and Insomnia•

"Yes!" She said and we got comfortable on the couch and snuggled into the duvet with the remote in my hand.

*******

I felt someone shaking me awake and I sluggishly opened my eyes to see Aramide by my bedside with downcast eyes. I immediately shot up when the sounds of screams and shouts started registering in my brain. How the hell did I sleep that deep? My parents had most likely come back after me and Aramide went to bed. Not after watching not one but two movies.

"Mide come here" I said, bringing her in for a hug, me in my own little way being the protection she wanted. Or rather, needed.

She sniffed."Ayo. Daddy is beating mummy again. And she keeps on arguing with him" she said quietly and immediately, my heart sank. Why did they have to do this everytime? Sure there were times where we actually behaved like a normal family, had normal family outings and events and most things normal families were supposed to do. But no matter how normal we tried to be, everyone within us, and I can bet my kidney on that, could feel like there was something missing.

There was always something missing. Even with our best smiles and cheerful characters, each one of us knew that there was a fragment missing. And it only got worse in the night. Where they thought everyone would be asleep and their manic sides could come out. How terrible and extremely wrong they were. We heard everything, felt everything. Well, Mide for the most part. And it tore my heart with me knowing that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I tried speaking to her in the past. Tried telling her that this whole thing was just a freaking toxic facade. But she never listened. Said I was just a naive little kid who knew nothing and they loved each other. Sure, love. Love where you can't even tolerate each other. Whenever I prayed to God concerning my future, I prayed neither Mide nor I made the same mistake mom made. Eventually, I gave up trying to speak. There was no use trying to use a needle to create a hole in a brick wall.

"Are they the ones that woke you up?" I asked even though I already knew the answer and she nodded. Dear God. Was peace an abomination  in this household?Apparently, Mide's room was a room before theirs.

"Don't worry you can sleep in my room this night" I said to her and made her comfortable under the duvet and hugged her. That line...It's probably a mantra by now.

"It's okay" I whispered. It definitely wasn't but sometimes wishful thinking was better than reality.

"No it's not" she whispered back after some time and by the time I could look at her, she had drifted off into sleep.

Four hours had passed and they finally kept quiet. I couldn't sleep. Not even a wink. I can't even sleep if I wanted to. Why? Well because the voices won't let me.

Do your parents even love you?

I highly doubt that.

Why can't you just speak up?

Believe me, I tried.

Why can't you do something?

I winced as I held the side of my head, pains shooting through my veins. Two years and it hasn't stopped.

Why can't you speak up for the sake of you and your sister?

Your always too mute. No wonder he rejected you.

"Shut up" I muttered under my breath.

You're just pathetic.

Your family doesn't love you. If they did, they would have found a solution to their problems a long time ago.

You're a disgrace to your mother.

I listened. I listened and digested every single word it had to say. I mean it wasn't wrong. At this point, I was in a stage of defeat. My mom never really had time for me. And my real dad didn't even want me. Pathetic. I couldn't even be useful to the ones that birthed me, talk more of the people around me.

You're just a broken girl.

I looked over to Aramide and saw her sleeping peacefully. How I wish I had that peace but I'm glad she has it. I got up quietly already having enough of the self guilt. I went into my bathroom and stood in front of the mirror.

I glanced at myself and I looked terrible. Eye bags were evident under my eyes and my eyes looked bloodshot even though I didn't cry. My skin looked pale and had stress lines on them, while my lips looked dry.

I looked away from the mirror because I couldn't stand the sight of the girl in front of me. She infuriated me. Why couldn't she fight back? Why ws she so laidback with everything that kept on happening? Why couldn't she at least try? Why did she have to be so weak and useless?

I sighed when i realised how my knuckles were already turning white from how hard I was gripping the sink. I opened the tap and splashed water on my face.

"Fuck this" I muttered under my breath.

I walked out of my bathroom and towards my dressing table. I pulled open one of the wardrobes and got my Triazolam. I took my normal dose and drank from the bottle water I always have in my room.

At this rate, if I didn't get any sleep, I would be looking like a zombie tomorrow and I didn't want to get asked questions. So only my pills could work. I took my phone and changed my alarm time to 5:30 just for some extra snooze. After that, I laid on the bed beside Aramide and not long after, they started to have effects and I was knocked out.

A/N: Heyooo
So we got a sneak peak into Bami's life👀

Well for those who couldn't figure it out, Ayobami has schizophrenia and suffers from insomnia. Sad, I know. She's had a rough past and even rougher present so let's just say she's one of the most broken persons in this book. Emphasis on 'one'😂.

Ummn so as you would have guessed, I'm terrible at describing human emotions but don't worry, we get better😂😪.

The chapter was quite short but I think it did enough justice.

Anyways, thoughts on the chapter? Hit me in the comment section🤗.

Till the next chapter✌
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