5,160 Miles [Billie Eilish]

Dont say it

Tom sent me a loving nod. I didn't mean to interrupt him, I felt beyond awful for it but my head was getting dizzier by the second and I really needed silence.

I could never rush out on Tom so I tried my best to act normal the remainder of breakfast, which honestly I don't think I succeeded in.

After some time Billie pieced together that something was wrong with me, she rushed to clean the kitchen up and then came up with an excuse for us to leave.

We hugged the cuddly old man goodbye and he waved us off as I drove away. I shouldn't have driven though, I knew that so I pulled over as soon as we were out of Tom's sight.

My vision disfigured, blood pounded in my ears. My heart thudded in my chest so hard that it scared me. My stomach threatened to bring the food I'd just ate back up, and my palms became so sweaty that my hands slid off the steering wheel.

"Reese, what's wrong?" Her voice echoed so much that I could barely make out what she was saying. It was as if she was stood one end of a tunnel, and I was stood the other. "Reese!" She snapped as she grabbed my arms, I didn't even realise I was shaking uncontrollably until then. "You're having a panic attack. Breathe in..." one two three I counted in my head, "and out..." exhale Reese, just exhale. "Good, you're doing good."

I grabbed my phone from my pocket as quickly as my hands would allow me to. I struggled but I searched for a certain saved number in my contacts.

Billie had no idea what was going on, but everything made sense to me.

"Hello..." my voice was more than shaky, but I knew I had to force the sentence out. "This is Tom Webb's next of kin, can I speak to his doctor please?"

The receptionist began transferring the call. I couldn't even look at billie.

"Hello, this is Dr.Moss, how can I help?" My heart only raced more when I heard his voice.

"Hi, this is Reese..." Dr.Moss cut me off, but I didn't mind since my brain wasn't working, "oh hello Reese... I've been trying to reach you but they didn't have your new number."

The pounding in my chest was so fast now that I truly thought i could be suffering from a heart attack, "why have you been trying to reach me?"

"Can you come down here?"

I ended the phone call without another word. My body practically fell out of the car as I called a taxi - I was in no state to drive.

"Angel, what is going on?" Billies voice was infused with deep concern. I tried to speak, but no words left my lips.

"It's ok. I'm here." She wrapped her arms tightly around my shaking body.

The taxi arrived minutes later and we climbed in. The whole drive was silent, my throat was too tight and my brain far too fuzzy create small talk with the driver.

Billie thanked him as we got out, I however wasted no time, I ran to the reception area. "Dr.Moss" is all I could say as my hands hit the desk. "She is coming to see Dr.Moss" Billie corrected, thankfully.

The confused looking receptionist pointed us in the direction of his office and I stumbled down there, completely breathless.

I banged on the door and a tall man with darkish hair answered. I'd seen him once before, so I knew that he was the doctor I was looking for. He had that I'm so sorry look written all over his face. "Hello Reese..." he paused as he looked toward Billie, "I'm so sorry but I can't disclose any information with anyone other than Reese. Could you wait over on those chairs please?" He sent her the kindest smile he possibly could.

Billie nodded understandably but before she walked away she grabbed my shoulders and turned my body to face her. Her hands that seconds ago had grip of my shoulders made their way to my burning cheeks and her expression fell serious, "I'm right outside. I love you so much."

I nodded in response and wrapped my arms around her neck, still not able to get any words out. Billie gave me one big squeeze before walking over to the collection of chairs.

Dr.Moss stepped aside to let me into his office. When I say office I mean a doctors office. You know, the white-sheet covered table that patients lie on to get checked out, machinery that looks completely foreign to a non-doctor, and charts. Lots of charts. He pulled out a seat for me and handed me a cup of water before sitting down behind his desk.

"Reese, Mr.Webb came in here a couple of weeks ago for a check up, and whilst he was here he got very confused..." I could hear what he was saying, but the room span so much that I couldn't see his face anymore.

"General things, I know most of his family and he was mixing up their names..." he paused to take a breath, "of course I was extremely concerned. I booked him in a couple of days later. We ran some general procedures, cognitive and neurological tests, a brain scan and some blood tests..."

Don't say it. Please don't fucking say it.

"Reese, I'm so sorry... Tom is in the early stages of dementia."

I anticipated the drop of the boulder, just not this soon. There was a sudden shift in my worldview: everything I thought I knew, changed in an instant. I literally felt my body fade from anxiously trembling, to numb, to completely fucking paralysed.

I wanted so badly to scream, I needed so badly to leave that room but I couldn't. My body was too frozen to do anything but stare. I didn't even notice that Dr.Moss had exited his office and sent in Billie.

I knew she was there, I could smell her unique scent. I could feel her familiar touch as she gently rubbed my shoulders. My sight was still missing, and I couldn't hear shit, but I could feel her presence. I stayed in that state of pure nothingness for what felt like hours.

Eventually my senses made their way back to me, the clouds in my brain cleared away and I regained the ability to move my limbs. Admittedly, I wished the numbness would've lasted a little longer, it was easier to handle than reality.

"Where is Dr.Moss?" I questioned, my voice monotone. Billie looked down at me with a kind smile, and as much as I wished I could return it, I couldn't, "I'll go get him."

She left the room, and in a few seconds the doctor came back in. "Are you ok Reese?"

I shook my head, "no."

Dr.Moss nodded understandably, "it's a lot to take in. Tom knows, but of course it keeps slipping his mind that he's been diagnosed... that's probably why he hasn't mentioned it."

He shouldn't have had to mention it. He called Billie by my name, he forgot about a lunch date... I should've known. I did know, the night of his dinner. I drove home knowing that something was really wrong, I just couldn't work out what.

"Ok." I said bluntly, but only because I was still a little too foggy to pull a sentence together.

"Reese, Tom chose you as next of kin. That means..." I cut him off rather rudely, "I know what it means."

It means from this point on Tom's life changes. His independence is ripped away from him. His dignity will be stripped. He will feel scared, and confused. It means that from now I need to get him through this.

I cleared my throat, "when's the next appointment? I assume I'll need to be there for it?" The doctor nodded and handed me a file of paperwork, "Again, I'm so sorry Reese."

I nodded in response. I couldn't even paint a smile on my face, and I can always paint a smile on my face. Always.

I stood up and left without another word.

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Author note

Hello... I'm so sorry for this chapter <3

Thank you again for the reads, votes and comments. They mean more to me than I could put into words :') <3

CAN I JUST SAY!!! HOW!!! BEAUTIFUL!!! DID!!! BILLIE!!! LOOK!!! AT!!! THE!!! MET!!! GALA!!!

Literally look my breath away, she's a real life angel I swear <3