If Only

Twenty-Three

Raymond

I walked into Kaitlyn's house going up the stairs to her room. After finding out that she lost the baby, her parents made it to take her back home. I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, I was sad because like I helped create a life. I was just becoming accepting of everything. I was planning to have a nursery in my house. Now, it's nothing. We have nothing. We don't have a baby that we had planned on raising together.

On the other hand, as morbid as it sounds, I am relieved that she lost the baby. I don't have to make the biggest adjustment to my life by having a baby. I'm only 18. I'm not mentally, financially, nor emotional ready to be a father. I mean if I had to become a dad, I would have got ready. However, it feels kinda good not be getting ready.

"Hey Kaitlyn" I said causing her to look up at me. She had her black out curtains closed so it was mad dark in here despite being 3 in the afternoon.

"Hi"

"I brought you some soup from panera" I said sitting the bag on her bedside table. I knew not to try to make her eat because she would just yell at me and tell me to leave.

"Thanks" she mumbled. I sat down at the foot of her bed and just looked at her. It was quiet while I just sat on my phone waiting for her to say something.. Anything.

"Maybe it wasn't meant for us to have a baby right now" she said after about ten minutes of silence.

"I agree. Maybe it was for the better"

"No.. You not hearing me. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I poked holes in your condoms" she did what.. Don't snap Raymond. "I thought maybe if you get me pregnant, you'll spend less time with Heaven. I got on top for two weeks straight and you only stayed in me twice. I needed to get pregnant, but you didn't even care at first. You didn't even believe me"

Does that not sound delusional? It was delusional as hell to set me up because of a friend that I had.

"Because I am careful Kaitlyn. Why would you do that? Don't say because you wanted me to spend time with you. I want a real deal explanation" I said as calmly as I could.

"You would lick the floor Heaven walked on if it meant making her happy. You do all these things for her-"

"That doesn't mean to trap me. A baby is a lifetime commitment. Kaitlyn.. I would have been willing to step up and be a father, but its not like I asked for it. I swear communication is key. If I have a problem or I'm feeling like something, I tell you"

"Where are your parents?" she said completely changing the subject.

"They are back at home. They got back last night. They called me"

"But you are staying in a house that Heaven's parents are paying for" she said making my blood boil on the inside.

"They took me in when I didn't have parents. I dedicate time into Heaven and her family because they are my family. My mom and dad were always gone when I was younger. I went to middle school and met Heaven. She automatically took to me and I took to her. She started inviting me over for dinner because I told her I couldn't cook and my parents were gone out of town, and this is when she would be splitting weeks with her parents. So.. I would come over while she was with her mom, and when she was with her dad, her mom would cook me meals and bring them to my house. When her dad finally got over the fact that I was her daughters boy bestfriend, he started taking me places. He got me my first iPhone. He taught me how to drive a car. My parents were only there monetarily and still are. They give me money. They bought my car. They helped buy the furniture in my place. They helped the Registers pay for it, but they weren't parents" she stayed quiet.