What Was Left At Camp

Chapter 32. Really feeling it

"I don't see how this is going to help me." I looked up from my phone at Maria after reading through a playlist she shared with me. She named it Break-up healing track 1. So I assume there would be more. "Some of these songs are from the 80's!"

Maria rolled her eyes and re-situated herself so she was laying flat on her back in my bed. "Just lay down, connect it to your bluetooth speakers and press play." She instructed me.

I sat up. "Maria, I'm fine really. And if not, I don't see how sad love songs are going to help."

She sat up to my level and crossed her arms. "You've always been Mr fucken happy, Christian. Outside of when we were 14, I've never seen you really sad. Everyone in your life is concerned you're not dealing with this break-up. A cry here and there, ain't gonna cut it. You're pushing your feelings as deep down as you can and avoiding them." She inched closer to me and put her hands on my shoulders. "The way I see it, there are like three stages of dealing with a break-up in a healthy way. And I'm going to be here for all of them."

"Three?" I asked.

"Three. Maybe four. Let's get through the first three and we'll see where we're at." She removed her arms from my shoulders and reached over to my turn on my bluetooth speaker. "And there's no better way to connect with your emotions than through music. Trust me!"

"What are these stages you've created?" I was honestly curious.

Maria cleared her throat and smiled. Clearly pleased that I asked. "The first is really feeling the hurt and heartache. It's gonna be rough but again, I am going to be here for you. The second, bitter anger. Not the type you've been masking your hurt with and almost taking out poor Tyler." She stopped for a second and gave me a what the hell were you thinking look. "The third... I can do better and deserve better. Compliments of Queen B. She's like half the playlist but you can see where I am going with this. Don't get too excited though, she doesn't come until track three." With that she laid back and pressed play.

By the time the playlist played Bonnie Raitt - I can't make you love me, the both of us were uncontrollably sobbing. I don't know if you've ever heard this song but it's heartbreaking. I think I'd cry listening to it even if I did have my break up with William.

"I-I'm so sorry, Christian. It-it's like... why? Why would he do this to you?" Maria and I were holding each other laying side by side, tears soaking the sheets below us.

"M-me-men suck." I cried back.

"Do you-" Maria sniffled. "Do you remember Peter Halbert? He moved in... in like seventh grade." Maria asked between sobs. "He... he was my first love and my first heartbreak." She stopped to try and catch her breath. "He-He like... said he loved me... and... and then one day was just like... I don't anymore and that was it. Why are men like that?"

"Wh-wha-what a dddd-dick." I was a mess. "Yo-you're better off."

"So-so are y-y-you." She replied but I think we both knew it wasn't that simple. "I-I will kill Mike. K-kill him if he does something like this to me. W-what if it do-doesn't workout, Christian? W-what will I do?"

"Do-don't you think like that. Mi-Mike's one of the good one's." I tried reassuring her.

"That's wh-what we thought about W-William." And then we both went off the deep end. Words were said but they were incoherent. Maria held me as I cried and cried and cried.

The playlist was 20 songs deep. When the last song ended, Maria and I were out of tears but still crying. Have you ever cried tearless cries? It almost hurts. Like in the chest and stomach. It was weird and I was worse than I had been in weeks. Consumed by thoughts of William. What we had. What we could have been. All the plans we were making for our future. All gone. Just memory that haunted me.