Why The Fuck Not? | An SVAU anthologi

There's A Kid Called Ben

There was once a kid called Ben. No one gave a poo about him. He was on the other side of the year to every important kid in that year: Evan, Tara e.g. and had Mr Elasticbedding for Maths.

"'ello" Mr Elasticbedding said.
"Hi sir." Ben said, he was boring. He sat down.
"Ben!" Mr Elasticbedding said, "We are going to Knewher for maths!!! It's a uni challenge fun clever thing but we can't get a mini bus so we can get you bus tickets and meet you there?"

And so Ben got up early on a Saturday and went to Knewher university. There Mr Elasticbedding was waiting for him and they had a sandwich. The maths teacher explained they were competing with schools around North Walse in a game called Shaths.
"Oh but I'm rubbish at shaths."
"Nonsense!" Mr Elasticbedding laughed, "If you're good at maths you're good at shaths."

They were brought out into an arena and given shoulder pads and helmets that made them look like idiots. The arena was mathed out with chalk. A circle of equations were drawn around the field so the game could be played.

An announcer yelled for the audience,
"Present the opponents with the pads!"

They were given a magic white board and a magic white board pen. Their opponents stood up at the other end of the arena. It was Henry and his teacher Mr Maths probably ngl names aren't my strong point. Case in point:

"I dunno about this Mr Elasticbedding."
"Call me Fibre." He said.
"Fibre Elasticbedding?" Ben questioned.
"Move on." Fibre said and he wrote done his first move: [4+4].

Big numbers appeared in front of them saying what Fibre had wrote down. It hurled towards Harry and Mr Maths, quickly thinking they wrote [-8] and the number turned to a zero and faded.

Ben knew the rules, but you don't do here's a run down: both teams take turns throwing equations at each other and the other team must solve it in the given time or else they lose a figure, which are just lives or stocks. The equations appear as large graphics with the magic. The time to solve gets shorter and shorter each time two equations have been thrown and the chalk circle are rules that ban any equations that would hurt or endanger the contestants or anyone watching. Ok get any of that bc I made it all up in a minute.

They went back and fourth and Ben ended up winning with the equation: [77b(6-9b)] the smart ass. Fibre cheered and bought pizzas in for Bens maths class the celebrate.

The next day Ben was at his locker when Syrel the smol angri boi jumped out from inside and declared war or Ben.
"I declare war, on you!" He declared. Just like that. Ya know.
"Cool." Ben said.
"Wait really?" Syrel asked, "I had a speech planned to convince you."
"Oh sorry, go ahead."
"You really think you can get the school attention by being the best at shaths. Before you they had me, um. I was... it's ruined. But I wanna fight in shaths and the winner gets to go to regionals for Spring Valley!"
"Cool." Ben said and they set up the quad for the fight by telling everyone to go away.

Syrel tried to cheat by writing before Ben was ready but it didn't work.
"Aha." Ben laughed, "You can't start before we set the arena to the maths."
And Syrel said, "Fuckyou." Under his breath.

He played the first move: [5x22] and it launched towards Ben, who knew the answer so wrote down: [-110] then: [40/2.25]. The equation got an inch away before Syrel wrote down: [-17.77]. He was angered by this so wrote: [69/96]. Ben and his galaxy brain didn't need the seven seconds it takes for an equation to hit him to write down: [-0.72]. He found it funny so wrote: [96/69]. Syrel panicked and wrote: [+0.72] and got shmached by a big 1.39 conjured by the magic that is math. They went back and fourth throwing equations and the time for solving got smaller and smaller until Syrel was two figures down and on his last, while Ben still had his three.

Syrel knew he was going to lose, so pulled out a trick. He backed up to the edge where the rules of chalk were written and stomped out one without Ben seeing. The rule he removed was one to protect the contestants, but with it gone, he wrote on his board: [√-1]!

A number tried to appear but it couldn't. It was folding in on itself.
"Syrel! What have you done?!" Ben yelled.
"FUCK YOU!" Syrel shouted and launched the equation at Ben. It spun in on itself so fast it became a black hole! Only one the size of a football but still big enough to be dangerous. Both Syrel and Ben were falling into it. The chalk circle protected the outside for now but with the missing rule they didn't know for how long.

As he was being folded into the black hole Syrel shouted,
"fuuuuuuccckkkk yyyyooooooouuuuuuuu.....!"

Thinking on the very top of his toes Ben wrote: [x2] and threw it at the black hole, making two of them, then he wrote: [-] and placed it between the two black hole. The equation solved itself. One black minus one black hole makes none. There were no black holes now and Syrel fell on the ground in the fetal position. He had lost when he left the ground and he knew he wasn't the best shaths player in the school.

Ben went up to him and kneeled down.
"Hey listen man, it's okay." He said trying to comfort him.
"Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou." Syrel stropped.
"It's not that you're bad or nothing..."
"Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou." He continued.
"Look, I'm sure you're just as good-
"Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou."
"Ok bye dude I'm going." Ben said and he left.

Now a story like this may not involve anyone thought to be important and may not effect the multiverse but because shaths was not only invented in the weirdness, but also not banned from Walse schools, this interaction was able to take place. And because this interaction Ben would go on to be famous for his games of shaths, so ye, it wasn't important. Sorry I just wanted to write something fun I got a lot of shit to do rn. Until the next story, I have been Joshua Goodwin, and this is Why The Fuck Not.