Why The Fuck Not? | An SVAU anthologi

Faye Fall Out A Tree

Faye was in Redse (a town next to Spring Valley) forest and drawing in a tree when it happened. She shook off the thud she made and brushed her hair back to see the tree she was just in move. It twisted and tangled itself until she made out a being midst the bark. It was a tree, but with big waving arms whooshing past her. The base of a tree rose out the ground which joined its body as a leg. It stepped over her and she saw better how large the being was. It's limbs were hidden as four trees and it's body must have been hidden as the leaves. She watched it walk off past many more trees and it blended in until she could no longer see it.

"Hey now!" Another tree being said. Faye spun around to see trees? But she looked up and saw its body and its head, with eyes looking down at her.
"Hey... tree." She shouted up.
"You've seen us, now you must die!"
"What the?!" Faye panicked.
"Nah lol I'm joshin ya." It knelt down and came face to face with Faye, "I'm Keter, like Peter with a k."
"Peter Kay?" Faye asked.
"Ah I don't get it." The tree being said and shot back up to the sky. "What are you doing here human?"
"Umm, I was just writing. I'm Faye."
"Come with me Faye the human."

Keter brought Faye to a ruin of an old house within the forest and showed her a plant growing there.
"It's a cananabush."
"What is it from Canana?" Faye asked.
"No." Keter laughed, "It grows cananabis."
"Oh... I've never smoked anything before, I dunno if I should."
"Don't worry, cannabis is for humans, cananabis is our thing, it just, well I've heard it's like a very strong coffee to humans."
They sat against a ruin and ate the cananabush leaves.

A while later:

"So he's this guy who goes on stage and tell jokes and everyone loves him." Faye explained very fast, "He's a comedian he is, a good one as well. And my brother and sister would always quote when he said 'I can't find something, fuck it I'll eat the couch.' And I never got it because I never watched his full stand up."

"There was this joke I heard years ago about this ape who escapes a zoo and his zoo keeper helps him escape to an island but kills the ape because he's scared he's started planet of the apes, and I couldn't find it for the longest time but the other day, I actually found it!! It's this comedian called Bill Burr. I love your face."
Keter was laying next to Faye, his face was to her side and she felt his big moss beard. His face resembled a humans quite well, just, made of wood, and very large. She hugged his big face.

"I'm curious. There's a planet of apes?"
"Well it's a movie about apes and monkeys that can talk and they start a war with humans and have guns and that. I never seen it though. My parents tried to show me... Do you have any children Keter?" She sat up and looked at him.
"No, we don't have offspring like other mammals, when I die my body will plant itself and another Trean will grow."
"Is that what you are? Trean?"
"That's what I am, Trean."
Faye felt comfortable again and laid against Keter, continuing to eat the cananabis leaves.

"Oh let me tell you. She pulled a gun on a student right, and he went and broke her hand. Not seen that kid in a while, probably dead lol. Kids are dropping like flys let me tell you T.K."
"I like that name for me Faye."
"It's for tree then Keter. Wait! Oh it's like the one who wrote you. There's a book with tree people in it, they were a lot thicker, um, what... wait T.K.K...Tolkien? T.T.Tolkien, who wrote... T.S.Lewis? T.K.Lewis... umm... Lewis? No. Who wrote Harry Potter??? Why can't I remember who wrote Harry Potter?? Her name... T.K... T.C.Tolkien, Tay.Kay, Toh Kay! Tay isn't a letter... Oh... T.K.Max... Damn... Still, cool name."

"I like this, these leaves." Faye laughed.
"I though you might." Keter said, "You said you write, it helps your brain. Go faster and think better."
"I feel that." Faye agreed. "I'll write about you Keter. I can write about Treans. I reckon that would make a good story."

"Uh oh look out." Keter warned.
"What, what?"
"Timige! They're little pests they are. Coming here and getting scared."
A group of small white beings skipped along the path past them. They were like one foot tall and had small spiked noses and perky eyes darting all around.
"Wow I never seen these guys before." Faye remarked. She watched them intently and quietly.
The herd spun over to Faye and Keter and leapt about screaming and spraying out the top of their domed heads.

"Aaahhhh what's happening????" Faye freaked out. She looked back up and everything seemed normal, but wait, wtf is that? Peter Kay?... And Russel Howard!
"Hey, look over there." Faye pointed to them. They started making out.
"THEY'RE MAKING OUT!" Faye shouted and pulled out her phone to capture the precious memory forever. But they weren't on the screen.
"What's going on?" She asked Keter.
"It's the Timige. They do this. They're always scared of us because we're so big, and these little creatures have a very annoying thing to them. When they're scared they spray this gas that makes you hallucinate like mad."
"Damn, I'm seeing some mad stuff right now. That must be them."

The Timige ran off into the wooods.
"U want more cananabis?" Keter asked.
"G'won then."

So there, retcon. Didn't u catch it? Oh well. Let's move on.