Hiatus

Prologue

"I think we need a hiatus."

Louis was just getting into bed.
"We just got one, silly." He giggled.

"I mean you and me." Harry said with a trembling voice.

Louis's mouth fell open and he stared at his husband in disbelief.
"What the hell are you talking about? We're married!"

Harry sighed and dragged a hand through his hair.
"I know Lou, but I need some time by myself."

Louis's lower lip started to tremble.
"Do you want a divorce?"

"No! I love you! But I'm afraid that we will get to that point if we don't do something drastic. We're exhausted." Harry said.

Turning around in bed and pulling the cover over himself Louis huffed. He was getting angry.
"That's why we get 18 months off! We can do whatever we want."

"Lou... I know how selfish this is but I need to be by myself for a while. I'm lost. I have no idea who I am. I have never been alone. I moved in with you straight from my family home. I need this." Harry replied.

"Take a couple of weeks then. Go on a trip." Louis said.

Harry looked down at his hands.
"I need longer than that. I was thinking that we could use these 18 months to work on ourselves."

"Are you fucking joking right now? You want to be away from me for 18 fucking months?" Louis shouted.

Harry burst out crying.
"I'm sorry. I love you. I really do but I need to figure out who I am without you. I need to be selfish and do what I want to do without having to consider how it will affect you. I need to get a life for myself so we can have one together. Is that too much to ask for?"

"You need, you need...what about what I need? I need you Haz!" Louis argued. His eyes teared up and he couldn't hold it back. He started to cry as well.

"I have nothing to give you. I need this. Please understand." Harry sobbed.

"Well, you can practice being alone tonight. I can't believe you." Louis growled. He got out of bed, grabbed his pillow, and stomped off, slamming the bedroom door shut. He threw himself on the couch and bawled his eyes out. He couldn't believe Harry. How could he do this to him? To them?

He calmed down eventually and that was when he heard Harry's deep sobs from behind the closed door. His heart clenched. It didn't sound like his usual crying. It was almost panicking, full-blown despair. He got up from the couch and rushed to their bedroom. His eyes fell on Harry as soon as he opened the door and he let out a gasp.

Harry was crying so much that he couldn't breathe, clutching his stomach with one hand while he tugged his hair with the other one, working himself into a full-blown panic attack. He had never seen him like that before.

He jumped on the bed and wrapped his arms around him.
"Breathe Harry. Calm down. Please. I love you."

Harry turned around and buried his face in the crook of Louis's neck, clutching his t-shirt tightly. Louis just held him and rocked him back and forth, kissing his temple, trying to calm him down.
"I'm sorry, love. I'll hear you out. If you really need this I'm not gonna stand in your way. I want what's best for you. I love you so much, baby. Please calm down."

"I-I'm so s-sorry Loooou." Harry wailed.

"It's okay, baby." Louis answered softly.

Harry calmed down eventually but he didn't move away, holding Louis in a firm grip. He fell asleep like that. Louis held him for the rest of the night, letting his tears run free. His baby was leaving him.

 They spent the next day talking. Louis listened and tried to put on a brave face. He had to be strong, for Harry, who was a mess, but his wish to be by himself came across loud and clear.
"Do you wanna be with other people during this time?" Louis had to ask.

"No, Lou. It's not about that but I won't hold it against you if you are." Harry replied.

"Why the hell would I want that?" Louis questioned.

Harry sighed.
"Maybe we should just hold that question open? You might feel differently about it after a couple of months. Open marriage for now?"

"So you do wanna be with someone else!" Louis yelled and they were fighting again.

They spent the whole day fighting and crying. Screaming and crying. It got ugly. Harry ended up packing his bags and was about to storm off when Louis stopped him.
"Please stay one more night. Please give me a goodbye." He said broken heartedly.

Harry put his bags down and walked over to hug his husband.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you like this. I love you."

"I love you., so much. One last time?" Louis said.

Harry nodded his head and they retrieved to the bedroom. They made love and they were both crying through it. Afterward, Louis held him close, afraid that if he would let go he would never see him again.
"We're still gonna talk?"

"Of course.  I'll call once a month." Harry replied.

Louis drew in a sharp breath.
"Once a month?" He screeched.

"Every two weeks?" Harry suggested.

That was better but not nearly enough. Louis had hope that they would talk once a day at least. He didn't reply. He just held him, taking it all in one last time. He would miss him so much. He would probably go crazy without him but he was scared to think about that right now. Harry was in his arms for the moment and he savored every second of it.

He stayed awake one more night just watching him sleep. How was he supposed to go on without him for 18 months? Maybe Harry would change his mind. Maybe he would miss him too and come back after a month or two? He had to think that. He was gonna get through it one day at a time.

Harry left the next morning. Louis didn't cause a scene. He just kissed him goodbye. He broke down as soon as Harry had left.

Harry took a flight to L.A.