A Girl Named Sweetie

29. The Confrontatiom

Sweetie's POV

Since Jake apologized to Doug - well, it was more of an apology-confrontation-combo, but still - I don't avoid Doug's eyes when I see him in the hallway. I give him a soft smile, one which he occasionally returns. I should be angry that Jake confronted him on my behalf, but I just can't find it in me. He tried to protect me. He fought a battle for me, and it made life a bit easier.

But now, I need to go fight a battle on my own.

Setting off to my Art class, I take in a few sharp breaths. I don't like confrontation. I really, really don't. If it were up to me, everyone would just do what they wanted and be happy. Then again, if I don't start addressing things that make me uncomfortable, then I won't be happy.

I walk through the doorway, and the smell of drying paint mixed with my art teacher's harsh cologne makes my nose wrinkle, but I keep breathing. I try to turn off my brain as it screams at me. Stop! Bad idea!

I sit right next to Lily, and look into her eyes just a bit too intensely. Okay, maybe I'm overcompensating. I blink rapidly, trying to break my own stare, then eventually look away.

"Are you... uh... okay?" she asks, staring in bewilderment.

This isn't really how I imagined this going - after not talking to her for weeks, I plop down right next to her and spaz out. I can't imagine what she's thinking, but, then again, I can't really bring myself to care.

I swallow and nod. "Yes. 'Scuse me. Had a little... y'know. I glitched. I just - can I talk to you?"

She presses her lips together and nods slowly, and her leg begins bouncing up and down like it always does when she's nervous.

"You kind of hurt my feelings sometimes. I know you don't mean to," I say.

And I leave it at that. I don't really know what else to say. Now I kind of wish I had planned more of a speech. But I didn't apologize or back down. I did it. She might dismiss it, but at least I'll know that I did what I set out to do.

Hell yeah!

"Okay," she whispers. "Yeah, I don't mean to. I never mean to."

I nod. "I know."

"Sometimes I feel like you think you're better than me. Like, you're all righteous, and good, and smart, and I'm not," she says then, and doesn't look at me. "I don't read books all the time, but that doesn't make me dumb. I'm really fucking good at art. Like, half the kids in this class are just here for an easy A, but they don't know I got that painting scholarship. And just because I'm blunt doesn't mean I'm mean, and just because I put myself first doesn't mean I don't care about others, y'know?"

A wave of sadness rushes over me as she speaks, drowning my heart and flooding my lungs. "I didn't know you got the scholarship," is all I managed to say.

She just nods, still not looking at me.

"You're smart, you know. I've never seen an artist like you before. That takes intelligence," I say.

She nods again.

"And I'm sorry for making you feel like that. I... I never meant to. I was just so unconfident and I couldn't understand how you could just balance caring about yourself and caring about others. I thought the scale could only tip one way. I mean, I don't know why I thought that, because that's not even how scales work. But I did."

That's when I realize why she hurt me so much. We were jealous of each other. I hurt her with my attitude, so she hurt me with her words, and it became a cycle. I want to break that cycle.

"Thanks. For saying that. And I'm sorry," she says.

I nod. "Same," I laugh awkwardly, then hold my breath at the silence between us. "So... is it weird if I sit here, or..."

"No, go ahead," she says, shifting slightly to accommodate me.

"Cool, thanks."

We sit in a comfortable silence for the rest of the period. Things might not be the same between us, but we set it right.

•••

"So, then, I was all like, 'can I sit here', and she said 'yes'! It was kind of weird but it felt, like, really good," I rant as I buckle my seatbelt.

Jake settles into the driver's seat beside me and twists the keys in the ignition. "I'm so proud of you, baby."

I beam back at him, not bothering to reprimand him for the endearment. It may be against our "just friends" rule, but lately, rules haven't been of as much concern to me. Especially when it feels really good to break them.

"Hey, could you drive me around for a bit before dropping me off at home? My mom's not working, and I don't want her to know I was... with you," I say, a bit ashamed of my own mother's prejudice.

I mean, Jake's spent his whole life feeling like a mess-up. I don't ever want him to feel that way, especially around me.

"I mean, besides the fact that we met in a police station and I regularly encourage you to do things you're not supposed to, what's not to like?" he jokes.

"Jake! If she knew you, she'd love you."

He's quiet for a moment, then he speaks again. "I kinda want her to like me."

I nearly swoon at how cute he is. "I know, Jakey."

He takes in a deep breath. "Do you think," he pauses, like he can't even force himself to speak, "I could meet her? Like, for real? And say I'm sorry?"

My instinct is to say no. What if she's stubborn and hurts his feelings?

But... I miss not keeping things from my mom. And looking at how nervous he is right now, with his fingers drumming on the steering wheel and his ears starting to turn red with anxiety, I have to give in.

"When you drop me off, I'll ask her if you can come back for dinner. But... if she says no, then you and me can go out tonight, just the two of us, okay?"

I see a smile start to tug at his lips. I know he hates getting excited for things - he always thinks something's gonna ruin it - but I would do anything to see that smile.

•••

[A/N: Why do I only ever update in the middle of the night? Anyway, AGNS is coming to an end soon. Unfortunately, there won't be any updates for a few months, because I'm going backpacking. I'll try to squeeze in one more before I leave though, if I can! Hope everyone is doing well. I currently have boy drama (I'm in love with my long-distance friend, but he has a girlfriend, but he kind of likes me back), so I've been losing my marbles lately. Honestly, I think I only like him because I can't have him. I kind of think that I'm gay.]