It was Tuesday morning when Vernon Dursley found himself aghast in his local hospital, screaming at everyone who'd listen.
Why? Well, that's simple. His baby - his perfect creation had PIG'S EARS!
Upon discovering this, Vernon was aghast.
He was livid! And he said as much.
"I'M BLOODY LIVID!" Vernon spat at the latest kind hospital-goer willing to listen intently to his bemoaning.
"There, there, Vernon," his patron comforted, soothingly.
"I'm sure having pig-like features won't be so bad! I mean, look at me! I'm a fully-fledged pig and I have a very successful career in bacon creation," his patron - a pig, had been trying to boost Vernon's spirits but to their horror, their efforts were fruitless.
"I know, Peppa, but not everyone's destined for bacon farming," Vernon replied, dejected.
"What am I to do?!" Vernon wailed.
"All that time spent detesting the boy for being a freak and I... I produce a half-pig!" Vernon continued the incessant cries.
"Er, no offence.." he added, when he remembered his audience, glancing apprehensively in Peppa's direction.
"Nonsense, Vern! I understand, I do. Besides, who am I to hold it against you? You've given me good custom for years and Dolores is a great..." Here, Peppa paused for what Vernon thought was a suspicious amount of time, resulting in his nose scrunching and brows furrowing with distaste.
"Well?" Vernon prompted.
That seemed to bring her back to reality as she gave Vernon a hesitant smile.
"So sorry, she's.. a good friend to me. I just can't imagine what this will do to her.."
"Oh, yes," Vernon agreed, nodding.
Just then their conversation was intercepted by a doctor.
"Mr. Dursley.. your partner can see you now!" The doctor said, oddly cheery, encouraging Vernon to actually pay attention. It was then he noticed the lightning bolt-like scar laid to rest upon the doctor's forehead, Vernon blinked twice, thinking he was hallucinating.
Perhaps he was as when he opened his eyes the second time, the doctor had gone.
"Hmm,"
"How peculiar," he thought, aloud.
"What's that?" Peppa asked.
"AH.. nothing. Nothing. Would you like to come with? I'm sure Peppa would love to see you." Vernon offered.
"I'd very much like that," Peppa obliged, flashing Vernon a smirk as he turned.
A/N:
For this, I offer apologies.
I haven't written for pleasure in years and this.. well, this is rusty..
Anywho, I received a request and of course, could not refuse.
I hope it wasn't too terrible.
YOU ARE READING
Of Woes, Bows and Hoes (Vernon Dursley X Dolores Umbridge)
Fan fikciaOn a dreary, miserable eve Vernon Dursley finds himself swept away and enraptured by the most unlikely of woes. (and hoes). Join him on his life changing journey as he finds himself, a wife, a pig-child and possibly more than he bargained for in thi...
