Happy Place || A Jerrie Fanfiction

XXVI - IT HAS TO BE

"So . . . ," Jesy trailed off on the other line, and I just know what she's going to ask.

I thought about this the whole night and this whole day before leaving the hotel.

I know that if I come back, people will start coming at me now. People will bombard me with unsolicited questions but if that's what it takes to speak my truth out there through the movie role, then so be it. If that's what I would need to go through in order for them to finally understand me, then so be it.

I've had enough of all of this, anyway.

Steve was right, if I want everyone to understand me, what better way than to convey my emotions through the movie?

And if that's the case, then I need to get this filming started and over with.

So I spoke up before she could even say something, "So, I have to come home."

There was no response from Jesy at first, then she said, "Come home?"

"Yup. I packed my things and all that. Tell Derek to arrange me a flight going home and e-mail the details."

"That's it?" She asked, her tone of disbelief had me furrow my eyebrows.

I dug my feet on the scorching sand as I halted my steps. I raised an eyebrow as I replied, "What do you mean? Of course that's it. I have to come home early so that I could have time to practice for the shooting. Then maybe after that, I can finally take a long vacation."

"What happened with you and Perrie?"

My heartbeat stopped for a millisecond the moment I heard her name. I sighed heavily, gripping my phone too tight against my ear as the sound of her name reverberated every corner of my mind.

I've been thinking about Perrie, too, last night.

But mostly, I've been thinking about our confession.

And the kiss . . . I closed my eyes, almost reliving our kiss that transpired just last night.

I know what I feel for her, I really do. And though what I feel for her may be different than what I feel with other people that I've been with in the past, it's still something that I can't quite put a label on. At least not yet.

To be honest, the more I think about it, the more I question myself if what I feel for her is genuine or just temporary.

I mean — it's been a few weeks. I can't fall for someone that quickly. It has to be a fling.

It has to be.

Remembering that Jesy was on the phone, waiting for me to speak up, I cleared my throat and resumed walking ahead.

"We kissed last night," I fessed up, then started striding ahead.

I heard a gasp from the other woman on the phone and could only imagine what Jesy's face would look like if I told her this in person.

"What the hell, Thirlwall!?"

"What the hell, indeed," I muttered, shaking my head. "And I confessed, too."

"So what — you confessed to her only to fucking leave her!?" Jesy exclaimed, making me flinch at the volume of her voice. One of these days, I might seriously go deaf because of this woman, I thought. "Jade Amelia Thirlwall, I know I did not raise you to become an asshole!"

I couldn't help rolling my eyes at the same old maternal tone my manager-slash-best-friend is using right now. Though what she said really hit me in the guts, if I were to be honest.

Finally seeing the familiar stony pathway towards her house, I've started to feel a little anxious about meeting Perrie again after last night.

I know that I need to tell her about me leaving as soon as possible, but I just can't seem to figure out how to start a conversation like that at all. And the fact that I just confessed to her, and we kissed afterwards, only made it even more difficult. But even after all that, I can't risk my career over this fling, if that's what you even call it.

I'm only here for a mere vacation, and now that I feel like I'm mentally and emotionally alright, I think it's time for me to leave. Steve calling me last night is already a wake-up call for that.

"Does Perrie even know you're just here for vacation?"

"She knows that I'm leaving next month," I heaved a sigh, recalling last night when she found out about how many days I'm staying here thanks to Leigh's curiosity. My chest suddenly felt heavy at the memory of Perrie's face. Christ, she looked like a kicked puppy.

"But does she know that your plans have changed?"

By the time she asked that question, I found myself situated in front of Perrie's door. I find my feet rooted on the spot a few inches away from it, my toes digging into my sandals as I wrack my brain for ideas on how to talk to Perrie about it.

"I, uh, I have to go," I said half-heartedly, feeling the apprehension crashing onto my shoulders suddenly.

"Nuh-uh, Jade, you are not hanging up on me —"

I didn't get to hear the rest of what she said before I hung up, but I made a mental note to text Jesy an apology after I settle things here with Perrie.

My free hand was raised in order to knock on the wooden door, only to fall down beside me when I realized that I have no idea what to do once Perrie is in front of me.

How should I broach the topic? I chewed on my bottom lip as I buried my phone inside my purse, having what seems to be an interminable staring contest with Perrie's door. I contemplated asking her out to dinner first, setting the mood before dropping the bomb, or perhaps . . .

Taking a step back, a thought momentarily pops up in my mind.

What if I just . . . leave?