Identity | Depressed Todoroki (Short Story)

2 | Craving

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, purging, or eating disorders.

Todoroki scooped another portion of cold soba into his bowl and promptly began to eat in an endeavor to suppress the pain weighing him down. As though filling himself up with calories would mend the bleeding perforation in his chest, he finished off the fresh bowl of soba. Faced again with an empty bowl and a throbbing head, Todoroki swallowed down his body's signal to stop eating.

I need this right now, he snarled at himself while his stomach snarled at him. It only helps in the moment, but I'm so sick of feeling like this. More. I can take more. I want more. I don't care if I feel full. I need something easy and quick, even if it's terrible for me. With that, Todoroki found himself with a multitude of other foods to consume for the different tastes and the temporary effects he felt from eating. I feel horribly full, but my mind is telling me to eat more. It tastes good. So good. Sweet, sweet... Hold the taste. Savor it. Let it sink and settle, even if it really doesn't taste like anything.

While Todoroki's insides screamed at him to cease his overly indulgent, unhealthy behaviors, his mind bombarded him with an unbearable craving for more. From sweet to bitter and from crunchy to soft and fluffy, Todoroki forced himself to choke down the uncomfortable feeling of fullness to make room for all the snacks he was grinding between his teeth. Soggy mounds of mush soaked up his saliva while he slowly swallowed everything down.

Before long, Todoroki had reduced the work on his plate to scraps. What was once a defined variety was torn asunder and rendered unidentifiable. Yet, every constituent of the whole was ground down into a new, unidentifiable conglomerate.

Todoroki almost felt as though he was becoming what he was consuming.

One more, he told himself. One more bite. It's so addicting. I have to stop. I feel so sick. But... Keep it going. Savor every last piece. Wring every good thing out of it. As the afterglow of Todoroki's reprieve from reality faded across his tongue, he set his chopsticks down. Was this worth it? No. I feel even worse than before. But, while I was distracting myself by eating, it was all right. Not good, but better than before. Damn. I feel so fat. How...many calories did I really consume? I'm making myself fat. This isn't what I wanted. I don't want to be fat...