My promise to him

Chapter 15

6 months later

I look at my reflection in the mirror, forcing a smile onto my face like I do every day.

I've barely been out of my bedroom since i got back from the hospital nearly 6 months ago. I just couldn't face having to move on without him...

Today is the day i'm going back to school after being put behind a year due to being in rehab for depression. 

With the encouragement and lectures from my mum, Louie and Olly, i'm finally going to try and pick up my life together. 

I look up catching sight of a picture of me and Zack that i framed above my bedroom mirror. 

I find myself crying again, remembering the moment like it was yesterday. The moment in which I woke up to find him gone.

6 months ago back in the hospital  

"Em, i've got something to tell you..." Louie whispers, nearly crying.

My heart starts pounding in my chest, panicking and my thoughts drive me nearly insane. Louie sits further up onto the hospital bed, holding me tighter.

"Em, i'm so s-sorry," his voice breaks. What happened, i want to scream at him, but the tube in my mouth disables me to do so. 

"Z-Zack, he w-was more injured t-than we thought," he whispers, fully sobbing now and i begin to cry to. What does he mean injured? "Apparently he took a b-blow to the chest f-from Frank whilst t-trying to k-keep him down, the d-doctors said something about internal bleeding but no one n-noticed until it was too late..."

My heart screams inside and my pulse being to race. I feel sticky with sweat and i sit up. What does he mean too late? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!

Louie releases me, falling to his knees and sobbing.

"He, he died, a w-week after y-you went unconscious."

My heart feels like its just been torn out, i'm going to throw up...

Present day

I fall to my knees sobbing again, rushing through my draws until my hand brushes against a familiar envelope. The letter Zack wrote for me before he died. I've read it hundreds of times and yet i tear it out again and carefully unfold it once more. One more time, i think to myself, just one more time then you can move on...

The words swim before my teary eyes. 

Dear Em,

Right now I'm sat by your bedside writing to you this to tell you all the things that I won't be able to tell you in person. 

The doctors have already told me that i'm going to die but i've come to realise that i'm okay with dying if it meant that I die after knowing I was able to save you - the love of my life. By now you are reading this after waking up - and I'm saying 'after' because I know you will wake up because your my girl and your stubborn, stubborn enough to never back down from a fight.

I learned that the hard way when I tried to steal the m&m's you got for your 7th birthday. I have a scar to prove!

You changed me Em. 

Before you moved across the street from me when we were 7, I was an annoying little prick, getting kicked out of school from school for bullying all these other kids, my mum and dad were thinking of sending me off to a boarding school.

Then you moved in, directly across from us. I watched from my garden and i remember the first time i saw you. You were running about the garden, from one end to another, trying to pick up every little detail. I was mesmerised by you, how you were so completely consumed in happiness from the little things like the leaves on the ground to the big oak tree in the middle of your garden. I purposely kicked my ball over so you'd have to come bring it back.

And, you did and we began talking, thats when i think i fell in love with you. For some reason, you made me want to be better, for some reason i wanted to be your friend and although you always had lots of friends around school, you were my first friend. 

Anyways, i have a few things i would like to admit to and apologise to you whilst i still can (plus your kinda unconscious so you can't get mad at me ;)

 I'm sorry for breaking your my little pony house when we were 7, i'm sorry for calling you moody when we were 8, i'm sorry for telling everyone you smelled at the year 6 farm trip and i'm sorry for telling that prick James not to ask you to the year 7 disco (you never knew about this one but I couldn't stand the thought of someone that wasn't me taking you so i'm sorry for that). 

But most of all, i'm sorry for being a coward. I don't regret much in life but not admitting my feelings for you before i left that day when we were 12 was something i am unable to forgive myself for and its a weight i shall take with me to whatever after life comes after this. 

I wish i had told you, i wish i had found a way to stay with you. I can't help but think that if i had only sucked up my massive ego and told you how i felt that i would never have had to leave and i could have been the one to hold you through your dads death and i could have been the one to stopped Frank from ever touching you and and now i could be the one to love you and hold you.

Because looking at you now, you're beautiful face, i can't help but picture all the things we will never get to do together. All the things i will never get to say to you and all the times i will never get to watch you laugh and smile...

Now i know I'm not going to be here when you wake up but i want to you to promise me something. When you've finished reading this and after all this is over, i want you to move on. 

I want you to be happy and even though it pains me to think how i won't be the one putting that smile on your face anymore, i want you to go and live your life. 

I want you to dance and laugh and love and experience all the things that life has to offer, for both of us. I want to know that when you eventually join me in the next life, that you have lived so you can tell me all the stories you have created without me.

I have to go now, i have to leave you. But just knowing that i'm going to die, knowing i was lucky enough to be loved by someone as incredible as you, almost makes it all okay.

I love you,

Zack

I wipe my tears, smiling through my pain and folding up the letter for good. I hear Brandon call my name from downstairs. "I'll keep my promise to you Zack," i whisper before making my way down.

The end.

Hiya, i hope you enjoyed reading this book, and thank you so much if you managed to get to the end, i know it's not really that good but it's my first book and i thought i'd give it a chance. Let me know your thoughts xxx