[put on a song while reading.]
I wanted to keep talking about owning each other, but I felt the need to let you see another side of me.
Remember how I stayed silent for a second and gave you the chance to speak and explain.
I know you were asking yourself what I was thinking about, but you didn't dare to let it out of your mind.
[that night still... ]
"I don't like to share what's mine. " I said slowly interrupting you.
"But I said... I don't like half things... I take it all." You repeated yourself and I didn't feel the same heat or intimidation. What happened? my mind happened. For a second it told me. "Stop it. You're getting too involved... remember what happened before?"
"I can't give you all of my energy because I need it to stay strong in my life." I said laying back on my bed and looking at the window on my right.
I have always been scared of giving my energy to someone, because I knew that the second you start sharing it.. they absorb it all and let you there struggling with nothing left inside you. You somehow give them confidence. Was I trying to avoid it with you? I guess.
"And do you think that I am the kind who will let you be weak?" You asked slowly.
"Hmm. People tend to absorb others' energy in order to be strong then leave them behind... in their corner trying to fix themselves alone. "
"I didn't ask about PEOPLE.. I asked you about ME and me isn't PEOPLE." You said. You sounded so damn bossy and it was one of my weaknesses. Flirty you were so hot... so imagine bossy you? Ugh.
"I am not the kind who takes advantage of of a woman. " you said once more and I smiled slowly. "I like, no! LOVE to see my woman strong and stronger with my love and all of that actually makes me, somehow strong as well."
I sighed a little then when I was about to reply, you began again. " were you broken before or something like that?" I didn't know what to answer to that.
"disappointed." I answered you.
"Ouch... " you said, " well I'm not gonna say those cliche phrase like... oh he must be a weak mother fucker to leave a woman like you... nah." I felt so good when you said that.. " but I know how much disappointment is hurtful and fucked up." When you said that at first, I wanted to say to myself that you were just trying to impress me or something, but deep down inside me, I knew you were being honest and yourself.
"It is. Especially if it comes from someone you've loved purely and strongly." I was unconsciously letting it all out.
"As I said before, I am not going to say he must have been blind and shit. " I didn't know why you kept repeating that and I somehow felt a little bit offended, because it seemed like you were taking his side and that was fucked up, but I have chose to not react.
"You see? We all have flaws and sometimes our flaws disturb people and they can't handle them or accept them. Sometimes they don't love us enough to accept us as we are. " you explained and I understood what you meant. You were so smart. You took a deep breath then continued, " you just weren't between the right hands. He wasn't for you and never will be. He wasn't strong enough to handle your flaws or loved you enough to do so."
"I don't care anymore besides I fucking love my flaws and accept them... and that's enough for me. I don't need anyone to accept them." I lied.
Deep down I wanted someone to accept and love them. To stay my side and accept them.
Accepting me in my worst day and accept my craziness without calling me insane.
"I don't think you're saying the whole truth, but that's fine. " you sounded tired as hell after that phrase, but you were struggling to stay awake. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to bed, but I didn't want to... I didn't want you to sleep. I didn't want you to go...
"Say something. " you said slowly in a whisper. I felt that whisper inside my ear... it felt like you were breathing against my ear.
"I feel good. " I said unconsciously. I knew I was about to regret it in the morning, but at that moment.. I needed to let it out.
"I know how you're feeling... " you whispered again. "...because I am feeling it too. " I died.
The atmosphere was getting warm and intensely soft. Like all of my body parts were on heavy drugs. Like I was having an orgasm without touching myself.
A very light moan escaped my lips and I didn't care at that moment. I wanted you to fucking hear me... hear what you were doing to me.
"It's crazy what you're doing to me right now... " you said slowly after my moan. "It feels like we're connected right now. " you added and moved on your bed. "... I feel you strongly in me. Like you're entering my body, mind and soul slowly... " I smiled slowly...
But that night it was a different kind of smile... it contained and was filled with breathtaking feelings which I couldn't understand or recognise...
They were more of...
... new feels?
Were they?
