You said it all with your silence, but I chose to ignore.
I don't know why I ignored it and I had so many things inside me that needed to be said? You gave me a peaceful vibe that day and I just wanted to let it all go... to you... for you
Maybe I was scared ? Of what?
Scared that it wasn't reciprocal?
Or you would think of me as a crazy chick who get attached to the first one who enters her life?
Or I just wanted to play hard to get?
Why did I ignored it...
[same day.]
"Aren't you curious? " you asked and you from the tone of your voice trying to avoid the emotions we were exchanging.
" curious about what? " I played dumb because I thought you were going to ask to meet you.
"I don't know... " you started and I got scared. "Knowing more about me? " I was confused for a little because you didn't ask to meet me.
"Mhm... I really don't know. " I didn't why I said that. I knew that I was craving to know more about you, but I chose to say 'I don't know.' I wanted to say yes... I wanted to tell you that I wanted to fucking know every damn small detail about you... I'm sorry.
"Well... I somehow want to. " you said like you were talking for me and I felt relief. For a second I thought you were about to invite me somewhere... I wanted to feel what I imagined that morning in front of my mirror... I wanted to feel you... I wanted to..."... but... " you broke my thoughts. "I don't want us to meet. " my smile disappeared when you said that. Why the fuck you didn't ask to meet me that day? I was fucking ready for it and I wanted it... why it took you months to do it? Why... I blame you on this.
" I agree with you. " I lied, "I don't want us to meet either." I don't know if you believed me when I said that.
"Great then." You were smiling when you said that. You know? Ive never seen your face or smile... but I felt like I knew it... like I already had it in my mind which was disturbing. "Look I gotta go now, alright? " you started again when I was about to talk. " keep that energy up, kitten. " you laughed, " because I somehow will need it for a long long long long time... "
After I dropped my phone on the bed, I looked up at the ceiling thinking to myself. You were doing strange things to me and my body... my soul... ugh me.
You were making me soft, making me think, making me... feel. Yes, you made me feel.
You made me feel again... I mean that kind of stories normally happen for kids or teenagers, but we were old and you made me feel like an in love teen... you made me feel like I was discovering love for the first time in my damn life... you were making me love... love...
You were making want to love... you.
You wanted me to love you...
I know you wanted me to love you...
And you wanted to fucking love me... ugh I'm going crazy because of the souvenirs...
[00 AM]
I was on my laptop distracting my disturbed mind from you and what was going on between us... When my phone rang.
a big smile appeared on my lips and I just picked it, but it wasn't your number which made my sigh and pick up. " oh yes, hello?" I said quite extremely cold and annoyed.
"Oh she is not in the mood tonight. " oh your voice. When I heard your voice, I pushed my laptop off my laps and it almost fell down...
"Oh hey... " I said enthusiastically.
"Hey. " you smiled while saying the hey. Ugh your smile was killing me ! Yes I know ! I keep talking about it, but what can I do? It was addictive, charming and so damn warm. I miss you... oh I miss you.
"I was sleeping. " I said not knowing why I said that.
"You weren't sleeping stop lying to me. " you said and I blushed, " I know how your voice sounds when you just woke up so, don't lie." Ugh details. I forgot about them.
"I was about to sleep? " I tried to fix it as much as I could. " I was half asleep... like when you're about to sleep and you fall asleep, but half of your brain is... "
"Can you shut up for a second... you're making me weak." You interrupted me and goddamn... oh goddamn. I felt weak myself... I felt like my legs were shaking and beating. You know what kind of beating I am talking about, right? When you just had an orgasm and it beats slowly down your legs... feet.
"How was your day? " I said trying to switch the subject.
"My day was great thanks to your energy and I came back for more tonight... for more energy." Your voice while saying those words was somehow feline and soft... like I felt the weakness you mentioned two minutes ago in it... I fucking felt it and it made me so vulnerable.
"You need to know that I need this energy as well." I said sounding cocky and confident. Even though I felt like you actually intimidated my confidence and loved that.. it turned me on.
"When I like something... I gotta take all of it. All to me." Why? Why were doing that? Why? You knew right? You knew the effect you were putting on me? You knew how much vulnerable I was getting for you... you fucking knew what you were doing that night and where to touch.
"Then... I can share a little with you, but you must share yours too. "
"Don't you get it?" You sounded bossy and it got me wet. I felt my tights getting wet from the dripping cum you were provoking, but I wanted to ignore it and believe that it wasn't cum... that I wasn't wet.
"Explain... " I whispered and you groaned a little then took a deep heavy breath. Yes... I heard you doing it and it got me even wetter.
" I don't accept half shit... I don't give or take half shit. I take it all or nothing at all." You said and I low-key moaned. You heard me right, but pretended like you haven't.
"So you mean... you own it." I said slowly my voice getting softer than before.
"I bet you want to own all of it, too. " you fucking said what I was afraid of. I could've came to that... I could have touched myself while you were talking that way... I could have fucking came... I heard you ... heard your tongue touching your lips slightly... your saliva... your light groans... I heard it and that time
I wasn't melting...
I was fucking burning.
Oh for fuck sake...
"You know... " I wanted to ignore that feeling and heat, "I don't like to share what's mine. " I thought that it was going to stop you or change your mood.
"I am not asking you to share... " for a second I thought you were giving up and that I won, but... " I am saying that I will take all of it."
Yes... I was totally wet.
How did I know? My hand... I slid my hand and checked...
I was wet and it wasn't only sexual, but deeper than that.
You took a piece of me which I can never get back and which will be in you forever.
You'll always be a part of me... no matter what I do or where ever I go.
You took a piece of me...
Was it a piece ?
I think you took it all.
Please... give me back a little of what you took... I'm dying.
I'm... I am... you.
You're me...
where are you...
I need you.
Fuck.
