The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Olivia

I've been riding all morning, and probably every day these past few weeks. It's one of the only things bringing me any joy these days. Well apart from little Olive.

She's been amazing. And although she's only 3, she's so smart, so so smart.

Katy finally convinced me to leave the house and we came to the park. Little Olive is running on the playground with a few other kids.

"The fresh air is good for you."

"There's fresh air at your house."

"It smells like horse poop."

I laugh, "Yeah well, I was fine at the house."

"Yeah right, you still need to go out and do things. You can't just eat, sleep and ride."

"That-"

"Yup I know how that sounded," she rolls her eyes and chuckles.

We watch Olive as she plays. She runs with a huge smile on her face, her dark blonde locks flying behind her. Although she's named after me we look nothing alike. She's got big bright blue eyes, and dark blonde hair. She's got a round little face, and tiny plump lips. I on the other hand have hazel eyes, and dark brown hair. I have an oval face and unfortunately my lips aren't as plump as hers.

"She's amazing."

Katy laughs, "Thanks, I made her myself."

I laugh with her.

"Thank you for having me here. I'm so glad I got to spend time with you and little Olive."

She takes my hand, "Of course! You're family."

I nod as I look back at Olive.

"I need to figure out where I'm gonna go from here."

"You don't need to leave."

"I know, but it doesn't feel right staying and not working. It can't be like this forever."

"Okay well you can always work for Luke, I'm sure he can use you somewhere."

"Thanks but... medicine is where I need to be."

She nods.

"Let's go get some ice cream and we can head home after that."

"Sounds good."

"Olive! Let's go!"

Little Olive comes running over, her hair now in a tangled mess.

"Mommy, no! I want to play!"

"Okay but then we won't get any ice cream."

Her face lights up, "Yes! Ice cream!"

We laugh and pick her up.

There's a little ice cream shop in downtown area. There's a bunch of little cute shops nearby and right now that it's summer it's full of people.

The little ice cream shop is next door to a comic shop so when we head in it's full of teens. Well as expected an ice cream shop is always full of teens, but today it seems especially full.

"Hey Katy I don't feel like I should go in..."

"What? Why?" she looks at me, eyebrows furrowed.

"It's just that there's a lot of people in there, and I don't want any of those kids to recognize me."

"Liv, I hardly think anyone in Bellingham is going to recognize you..."

"Just- Can you get me a scoop of mint chocolate chip, please?"

"Sure," she picks up Olive and puts her on her hip, "Let's go Liv!"

I sit on a bench in the corner and pull my cap down. I scroll aimlessly through my phone hoping no one comes up to me.

I take a peak inside and see that Katy is paying, almost out of here.

"Hey excuse me?"

I look up in shock. I've got sunglasses on but the girl can probably pick up on my surprise since she takes a step back.

"I'm sorry, you just look oddly familiar..."

"Oh sorry, I think you may be mistaken."

"No yeah I feel like I've seen you somewhere... Are you on tiktok maybe?"

"Uh no, I'm sorry. I don't think you know me. I- Uhh... I moved here from Seattle."

"Oh well I might have bumped into you in the city then. Sorry!"

She runs off and I sigh in relief.

Katy walks out with Olive and my ice cream.

"Who was that?"

"I don't know but she thought she may have recognized me, I told her she was mistaken. I said I was from Seattle, and she said she may have just bumped into me before. Thankfully she bought it..."

"Oh... Well that was a close one. Let's go home, okay?"

I nod as I eat my ice cream and we head to her place.

When we got to the house Luke followed closely after. The girls and I changed into our pj's and Luke after having his dinner joined us in the living room. Thankfully bringing popcorn with him.

"Toy Story?" asked little Liv.

I look at Katy and shake my head.

"Why don't we watch Luca? You love Luca remember?" Katy suggested.

"No I want Toy Story," she pouted.

"Okay fine, let's watch Toy Story."

I already knew I was gonna be a mess so I tried to not pay attention to the movie, but that was worse. All I could think about was Chris. Which scenes he would laugh at, and how he would quote Buzz throughout the movie.

And before I knew it I had tears down my face. Little Liv squealed in delight as she watched the screen, but as soon as the movie ended she saw me crying.

"Aunty?"

I sniffle trying to wipe away the tears, but they just kept coming.

"Yeah honey?"

"You are okay. Crying is okay."

"Yeah?"

"It's okay Aunty, I love you."

She climbed into my lap and gave me a hug. And before she pulled away she kissed my nose.

"Good night Aunty."

She climbs off the couch and wobbles her way up the stairs.

I clutch the blanket I have on and let the rest I'm holding on to out.

Katy comes over to me and pulls me into a hug.

"Let it out, go on," she rubbed circles into my back as I sobbed on her shoulder.

I've been trying to not loose my mind, I've been trying not to cry. But I miss him. I miss him more than I thought I would. And I am loosing my mind not seeing him. He always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. And whenever he didn't understand he always listened closely. He was the most amazing human I had ever met. And I needed him.

"I just miss him," I let out in between my wailing.

"I know you do hun, I can't imagine what you're feeling. But I'm here for you, for as long as you need."

"Thanks."

And while I appreciated the help and the thoughtfulness, the only comfort I wanted was too far away.

----------

Short and sweet.

Hold on tight because we're getting to some good stuff.

Beijos