Dangerous Desires | PJM 18+

SIX

"I'm sorry I didn't text you," he whispers and my heart constricts. He never apologizes on his own accord.

However, I can't tell him that it's okay because it's not okay. It's not acceptable to not even think about your wife's well-being or not have her at least in your thoughts enough to check your phone every once in a while to see if she had tried to contact you while you're out all night. The silence that follows his words is deafening.

"I know you're angry with me," Cameron adds, adjusting his position so that he can look at me. His icy-blue eyes search my chocolate ones as he pushes back some of the hair from my face. "You're so beautiful, Mia."

I can't bring myself to smile at his compliment and that's when I realize how empty I truly am inside. This man before me used to make me beam with happiness and radiate with laughter. We used to not only be passionate lovers but best friends as well, talking about every little thing in our lives and enjoying each other's company. We had an abundance of romantic dates and long conversations, only to now end up laying next to essentially a stranger that I just happen to be married to.

But I crave to have that connection back. I desire to feel wanted by the man I vowed to spend my life with. So when he touches his lips to mine, I don't pull away and I push down the need for tears to swell in my eyes. His tongue slips inside as he pulls his body over my own and I accept it for a moment until I turn my head so that I can feel like I can breathe a bit, the action giving him access to my neck.

He kisses along an area that should be sensitive to the touch. It should have my body reacting but I just watch two droplets of rain skid down the glass until they disappear at the window sill; disassociating myself.

I feel nothing.

But I want to feel everything.

Shutting my eyes as he moves down my body, pulling away the straps of my camisole to give himself access to my breasts, I try to think back on better times. Moments when he and I would get lost in each other for hours and when even the most chaste of kisses made my head spin in delight.

Peeling away my clothes, I stare back at him as he slightly smiles while coming back up to hover over me and I swerve the option for him to kiss me by turning my head once again. Pretending I want him to cherish my skin when, in reality, I squeeze my eyes tight to escape the situation at hand.

Imagining back when we first got married and how we would find any opportunity to have sex, I find myself sighing and moaning at the past as he sinks himself into me. Using the physical feeling I'm experiencing and mixing it with the images replaying in my mind, I hold onto him tighter desperately trying to cling onto something that's fading away.

Sitting up straight, he thrusts inside of me while he begins to rub on my clit and I grab the pillow to put it over my face to keep me from drifting back into reality. Thoughts of our wedding night, sensual anniversaries, random days we stayed inside to make love all afternoon, all flood into my memories as I desperately chase my orgasm.

But when a new image comes to mind, I find it impossible to not lose control; Jimin's ethereal face. The feeling of his warm hand on my body, the sensual tone of his voice, his gaze traveling from my lips to my eyes as he tries to calm his uneven breathing as if I was forbidden fruit. Soon, I find myself fantasizing about things that have not happened between us. Visualizing how amazing he would look between my thighs or what a beautiful sight it would be for me to be on top of him, hearing him moaning out my name as he was deep inside of me.

My climax crashes over me at the same time my husband's body comes to lay on top of mine, hiking up my legs and chasing his own demise while I cry out in pleasure and as he releases his seed. The hazy thoughts drift away bringing me back to reality when I realize what I have just done.

I fantasized about a man who I should not be thinking of in that way.

Slipping off of me, Cameron turns on his side with his back to me as he quickly goes to sleep and I'm left wondering to myself. Not only do I feel guilty for lusting after another man but I feel used by my own husband. He came home after radio silence for hours, drunk, and used me for sex without a second thought.

His apology earlier seems even less sincere than before.

But I have no one to truly blame but myself. I allowed this to happen. I didn't deny him or close my legs. And no matter how much I was hoping I could feel something more with the man now sleeping so soundly next to me, I should have known better than to think this would be more than what it was.

Reaching over to grab my phone, I go to my contacts app and scroll down until I see Jimin's name staring back at me. I had saved it the day he gave it to me along with the other team members from Chanel but with strictly professional intentions, not expecting to befriend him.

Tapping on his cell number, I send a quick text, ignoring the fact that it's now a few minutes past five in the morning.

This Saturday at 12pm.

Meet me at Château de Versailles

I'm just about to shut my screen off and force myself back to sleep when I see three bubbles pop up, moving in a wave as he types out a response. I was already planning on sending him that message later this morning but I figured he was still asleep and would just see it when he got up.

Park Jimin:
I'm surprised to see a
text from you so early.
I just woke up to take my
morning run.

Are you ok?

No, I think to myself as I read over his text message again. I'm not okay and it hurts to always put on a brave face but there's no need to concern him with my tragic love life.

I'm ok.

I hope you have
a good day at work.

I'll talk to you soon.

Start practicing your French.

Park Jimin:
Would it be ok if I
texted you sometimes?

My eyebrows raise at his response and I hesitate to reply as my thumbs hover over the letters on the electronic keyboard. Starting to type out a message, I delete it and think again, my bottom lip trapped between my teeth.

Park Jimin:
You're the only person
I kind of know here but I also
know you have a lot going
on in your personal life.

If it's not ok for me to text you,
just know that I won't be offended.

I smile at how understanding he is. Even though he doesn't fully know everything that's happening between me and my husband, it does makes me feel more at ease with my choice.

Yes, you can text me.

Park Jimin:
Have a good day, Mia.

You, too, Jimin.

Shutting off my phone screen, I turn my back to my husband and stare at the gray sky slowly becoming brighter. I definitely won't be telling Jimin of my unexpected salacious thoughts, of course, and I know I can keep my hormones to myself but I'd be lying if I told myself that I wasn't excited to see him this weekend. More so for the growing friendship and the thrill of being able to see Paris again through new eyes. I need to focus on something other than work and my failing marriage and this will be giving me the escape I so desperately need.

There are two hours or so left until my alarm will sound for me to get up for work. A meeting with a smaller company that is considering our services is on the schedule for the day and the last thing I need is puffy reddened eyes from lack of sleep.

Snuggling into the pillow, I slowly close my eyes with Jimin's piercing gaze already haunting my memories and setting aflame to my soul as I try to push away the electric feeling tingling and twisting my gut.