The jerk who stole my best friend's sock...or not

9

butterscotch_is_the_best, 11;37am
Y'all suck
My man be having a straight mustache
:|)

Johnny_ornaldo_is_mine, 11:37am
Okay I'm never doing this again but clearly my man is the best
:[)

Conner_from_the_corner_store, 11:37am
You guys are so mean. You just stole my discovery. You know what? I'll create a man so perfect that you guys will have no choice but to surrender.
:={)

Garfield_is_bae, 11:38am
YOU STOLE MY MUSTACHE!!!!

Katy_cat, 11:39am
But more important why is that equal to (=) sign there?

Conner_from_the_corner_store, 11:39am
:={)
Look carefully, it's his nostrils of course

Its_a_holly_jolly_day, 11:39am
Conny honey, why the hell is the guys nostrils coming out of his eyes

Conner_from_the_corner_store, 11:39am
Dont nostrils always come out of people's eyes?

Katy_cat, 11:40am
Pretty sure that's eye lashes

Conner_from_the_corner_store, 11:40am
Ohhhhh right

butterscotch_is_the_best, 11:40am
:<={)
Here, all fixed up

Garfield_is_bae, 11:43am
Man I love eating tonsil sauce

butterscotch_is_the_best, 11:43am
Ewwww what the hell jake!?

Johnny_ornaldo_is_mine, 11:43am
And yet another day I regret being related to him

Garfield_is_bae, 11:43am
TOMATO SAUCE* I LOVE EATING TOMATO SAUCE
I SWEAR THAT WAS MY AUTO CORRECT

Conner_from_the_corner_store, 11:45am
Oh if you're talking about the ones in your fridge, I exchanged them for maroon paint and food color last time I came over.

The thud of the car doors shutting causes me to jump out of the couch and hurry towards the gate. I skid across the pathway outside my house with my lips tucked into a huge smile as I watch my parents exit their Dark-Blue car with fake mustaches sketched on their faces.

Clearly, their mustaches beat all of ours.

'Mom, dad!' I yell enthusiastically as the three of us collide in a gigantic warm hug.

'You look terrible, darling,' my mum compliments me with adoration flooding her eyes.

'Thanks, mum. It's in my genes.'

I could've sworn I saw my mum's hand twitch to pull out her middle finger but she covers it up with an itch.

'Anyway, onto more mannered subjects like the song stuck in my head,' my mum says out of the blue.

And since she's my mum, she starts singing it, not caring about the fact that we are standing in the middle of the street.

'YOU BETRAYED ME.'

'AND I KNOW THAT YOU'LL NEVER FEEL SORRY,' my dad joins in.

Hey, might as well be weird while I have an opportunity. I really did miss my parents.

'For the way I hurt, yeah
You talked to her
When we were together
Loved you at your worst
But that didn't matter
It took you two weeks
To go off and date her
Guess you didn't cheat
But you're still a traitor,' the three of us screamed; completely off tune.

'Now you bring her around
Just to shut me down,' a feminine voice sounds.
We whip our heads towards the opposite direction to find our neighbor waving a transparent packet, consisting of water with a goldfish engulfed it in, around. She continues singing as my parents encourage her with claps and hoots.
At some point, even her hen exits the house and dances around her feet.