The last few words

@WARRI0R_QUEEN

You said that I could mention you in this book so I'm going to be honest.

TT, you are my best friend. You are practically my sister and I'm glad that you trust me enough, and I'm so glad that I met you. I never would regret the day that we met because it was the best thing that has ever happened to me, I mean it. It was sad how we met but...I would do all the same things again if that meant that I could meet you again. We have been through a lot together, most of the same things, but you have been through more things, different things than me. But you've looked out for me, taken care of me, was there for me, tried to cheer me up, done everything for me and I always try to do the same for you because you deserve it and I want to try to be a good friend to you. But I feel like I can't always really do the same things that you do for me and that frustrates me because I want to be a good person, someone you can count on, and someone who deserves to have someone like you in their life. You always say that I do the best I can and that I'm already a good friend, but I always want to try anyway.

I know before that we already had this talk...about how we felt. It was a long while ago, a long long while ago, and I hadn't mentioned it since then...but I know you see me as a sister but when I always say that I love you, I mean more than that. You technically are the first and only person that I first loved and only really love. And I know I told you that I had feelings for you before and we talked about that before, and I didn't really want to keep bringing it up because I didn't want to pressure you and creep you out and I know what you've been through, so I wanted to give you space. And I know that you were moving on with your life, finding yourself elsewhere and finding people that you liked, and I'm happy that you are putting yourself out there. I'm happy that you are trying, happy that you feel confident enough even when I have to shake you and scream at you to admit that you want to ask someone out. Lol. Just do what I do, write a note, fold it really really small, run up to them, put it in their hand or something and then run away. But make sure it has enough information for them to contact you cause you are probably not coming back to them in a while. LMAOOOOO.

But, yeah. My feelings never went away. I just felt like I had to say that because that's what always has me thinking about. It's constantly on my mind when we talk and when I'm writing things to you. I try to put extra things to try and make you happy. How beautiful you look, regardless of what you think or what other people tell you. You are one of the most beautiful girls that I've ever seen. I love your laugh and the facial expressions that you make, especially when you are frustrated. I love how you get excited just to be included and about having fun and the simplest things that you learn or see, how you feel like you have to share it with others if it's inspirational, history learning, or just plain fun and stupid. How you are quick to defend others and put yourself second for those you care about. And I love your sense of style. And I love your advice, how wise you are when you try to calm me down and give me alternatives to think about. You help more than you really know.

I love all of the similarities that we have. Like, we literally could be the same person. Just with a different face, born in different places to different people, and you being a few months older than me. But none of that really matters. And I know that I have already told you how I felt, not to that degree like this, but you understand, I hope. I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable or feel pressured or upset because you were going through a lot and I wanted to help you through it so I kept myself in check to help you get through everything you needed to get through. And you are a really strong, very educated, very beautiful young woman who deserves nothing but happiness, calmness, and everything good in your life. No drama, no gas lighting, no guilt-tripping, nothing trying to hold you back. Total independence and things. Maybe even more. I really mean that.

That is me being honest, TT. And I'll never say anything else about this again. Just my small moment.