Give Me Love

chapter forty three

"I made a mistake. I..." a pause. "made a lot of mistakes."

He waited for you to gather your thoughts again, patient. Listening.

"I thought by going with him, he could tell me some answers. Why strange things happen to me now, ever since you brought me back. But... I guess you can't really explain the force. I was stupid to think there was some kind of medical explanation."

"You grew up in a world where everything was explainable," his voice was soft. "Forgive yourself."

"But I left without even telling you. I regret that. But I wanted to go, and I knew you'd try to keep me from it."

"I would have," he agreed. "But I don't control you. You make your own decisions."

"Yeah, well, it was the wrong one."

"A mistake," he tilted his head. "Just like you put it."

"A very stupid one. I should know by now, you're usually right."

He smiled at this.

"But then... afterwards... I couldn't escape. No matter how hard I tried. I didn't anticipate his security systems to be so high-tech now... he could watch my every move.. I-I couldn't get out."

His hand tightened on your knee. Smile fell.

"Was it bad?" he questioned, almost hesitantly. "What he did to you?"

"I was locked in my room until he wanted to do some testing. A lot of normal things at the beginning, scans and interviews and stuff. But towards the end... he... he uh..." you played with a string of gauze in your lap, twisting and pulling it between your fingers, afraid to hear his reaction.

"He drugged me. The stuff from before, Triaxoprone. Wanted to figure out why I couldn't die."

His muscles froze. Jaw clenched. Something murderous flashed across his eyes.

"I think he was just getting frustrated," you spoke before he could turn the ship around and confront your father. "He was coming up with nothing-- it caught us both off guard. He got desperate, searching for anything, doing anything to get answers--"

"Don't make up excuses for him."

"I'm not," you shook your head lightly. "He didn't have to be so cold about it all. So cruel, telling me nothing the whole time I was there. And then when he brought up the idea of surgery..."

Anakin blinked a couple times.

You needed to change the topic, now.

"He didn't get the chance. My mother wanted to have dinner with me. She hadn't seen me once since I'd been there, and I thought that if I planned it all right, I could escape before I had to go to the dinner. But..." the string of gauze snapped off your wrist. "I made another mistake. I should have just punched that servant and made a run for it."

"What happened?"

He didn't like the look you gave him. Obviously, he knew your answer wouldn't be good. You'd come out of it hollow and hurting inside, face bleeding and arm bruising. You'd mentioned something about a vase.

"She tried to kill me."

You said it so nonchalantly, it took a moment for it to settle into his brain.

"She tried to... kill you?"

"They both did. Multiple times."

The guilt was eating him alive. All the while he was flying around the galaxy, infiltrating enemy bases and setting up landmines, you had been fighting for your life in that lab. And he had no idea.