A Storm of Flames and Deceit

XXXII. Horizon

Nephele
I couldn't look at Eris the entire demonstration because I know for certain he would've seen the truth in my eyes. It was him I was thinking about as that man swept his head between that woman's thighs. It was him I was thinking about throughout the rest of the exhibition.
By the cauldron, whatever I smoked was already making my mouth feel bored. All my lips wanted to do was spill sweet words into Eris' ear or kiss him- I'm not sure which is more damning. So no, I'm refusing to look at him.
I'm also refusing to let him go.
The exhibition had ended not too long ago, and people were already dancing in the knee high waters, most of the movements filthy. And I cannot bare to join them or even begin to move off of my fiancé's sturdy thighs.
"How are you feeling?" Eris startled me with his words. I jump so much that I mistakingly look at him, as a chuckle falls from his lips. Damn. His lips look awfully soft, don't they? "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"My brain feels fuzzy," I admit. A strand of hair fell over his brow, and I instinctually push it away. After only a second of deliberation, I put it back how it was because it looked cute. Then I tuck my hands in my lap before they can do anymore damage. "But... like... in a good way."
He chuckles. "Relaxed?"
I nod, but there's a throbbing part of me that is not at all relaxed. I just hope Eris can't feel my heart beat between my thighs where I sit in his lap. "I think we need to take some of this back to Autumn with us before we encounter our fathers again," I chuckle darkly, putting the nearly burnt out blunt into the ash tray beside our lounge chair.
"I wish," he returns my chuckle. "But I think we ought to stay sharp, don't you?"
I groan. "Doesn't being an evil genius exhaust you?" I whine. "Why can't we just run away together?"
Fuck, did I say that out loud? Yep, I'm never smoking around Eris again.
He laughs sweetly, tipping his head back against the back of the chair. "Believe me, Sweetheart, I thought about it," he sighs, and I could swear my heart skips a beat as he slips my braids over my shoulder. "But there's not a place we could run where they wouldn't find us." Okay. Crisis diffused. I think he believes I meant us running away together in a vague sort of alliance interpretation. Still, I'll be better off if I can keep my mouth shut.
I didn't realize how late it had gotten. The night sky was already turning to dawn, the black tinged in blue along the horizon. I frown at Eris, and he must real my mind.
"The sun rises sooner here," Eris tells me. "It stays day for longer in Helion's court, just how it stays night for longer in Velaris."
"Can we watch it?" I ask eagerly, my brain scattered and yet narrowed on the thought.
Eris furrows his brows. "Watch what?"
"The sunrise," I look back at the palace, pointing to the roof. "Can we watch it up there?"
He doesn't answer, instead he grips me tighter. "Hold onto me," he mutters like he needs to tell me twice before he winnows us to the palace rooftop. I gasp quietly under the chorus of his cute chuckle, cradled in his arms where he stands. Setting me down, we look around. The desert is flat and beautiful, and you can see across the sands for miles, the orange sun peaking over the horizon. The rooftop is decorated sparingly in white, padded furniture, lined in gold embroidery, lush plants decorating the edges of the patio.
Eris lowers himself onto a luxurious couch, and I sit beside him, tucking myself under his arm where it was draped across the back of the couch, laying my head on his lap. Neither of us say a word as we watch orange peak onto the whispy horizon, coming in stripes of gilded sunlight. Neither of us say a word when day finally comes again, and I stare at the cast of orange light across my fiancé's princely face. Neither of us say a word when he stares right back.
And neither of us say a word when he tugs me to my feet, depositing me in my bedroom, him kissing my brow sweetly before he leaves in favor of his own room.
I fall asleep wishing he laid beside me.
...
I wake up with an astounding headache.
I don't even think it was the herbs I smoked- I think I just over exerted myself, staying up at those crazy hours.
Stumbling to the bathroom, I run a bath, examining myself in the mirror. I looked horrifying, still wearing my clothes from last night, my entire face in disarray. But there is a fire in my eyes as well as I think about Eris. As I had recall the things I thought about him during the exhibition. And as my clothes fall onto the floor, it becomes clear I was doing a whole lot more than just thinking about him.
My nipples were hard and aching, and there was a fluttering feeling between my thighs. I lower my gaze in the mirror, seeing my skin glisten and shine just by thinking of him. My hairs stand on end, the pure electricity of the idea going through my head.
Mother above, when was the last time I touched myself? Surely touching myself to my delusions of Eris would be a horrible idea, right? It's not a good road to go down. I really should nip my whole crush on him in the bud because I'm only going to disappoint myself.
But....
In theory, what if this is what I need? What if all I need is to... finger these feelings out. Fuck, if mom could read my mind right now she'd pass away. Mother always said it was improper for a woman to touch herself, that only a man could bare that burden, and a woman's sex was to be given to a man and used how he saw fit.
Well, that was before they left me in a cellar for two centuries with nothing but my hand. A girl gets bored, and it's my fucking body. If I want to touch myself while thinking about my sexy fiancé, I'm going to fucking do it without remorse.
Besides, I couldn't give less of a fuck about what my mother thinks is proper.
So, on spite alone, I sit on the lip of the tub, spreading my legs over the sides, leaning my back against the window. My fingers fall between my legs, finding my folds even wetter than I had expected. Wetter than I had even felt. With gentle and feathered fingers, I coat my pulsing clit in it further, my toes curling as my other hand works and squeezes my breasts.
My breath catches at how cold my fingers are as I spread myself, exposing my target. I shut my eyes, pretending it is Eris' warm hands who knead my breasts. I let myself feel his lips on my throat, his breath on my cheek. I smell him in the air, his fire blazing in my blood as his fingers swirl and pull under me.
Sliding my finger inside me, I pretend it's his, long and elegant, rings sitting on the roots of his knuckles. He would bite my earlobe. He would lick my throat. He would call me Sweetheart under his breath with a graveled voice, and I'd melt under his molten gaze.
I pump my finger in and out of myself with an increasing intensity, my thumb massaging and pressing my clit into submission. I bury my teeth into my lip, my breathing beginning to sound an awful lot like moaning. Eris would like it. In my fantasy, Eris would tell me to keep moaning and crying out for him. He'd tell me how tight I was around his finger. How he'd want nothing more than to sink his cock inside of me so hard that I forget the war that stands on the horizon. I would tell him that I didn't want him to be gentle with me, even if I'm inexperienced. I would tell him not to hold back.
My hand operates on an ancient rhythm, my hips squirming beneath me, my thighs and abs clenched. When my release hits, my moan is quiet, but my eyes roll back into my head and I sag against the window, my entire existence dissolving before my eyes, my mind focusing on one thing only, like Eris is all I have ever known.
All I ever will know.
And as I slide into the tub, panic and shame course through my bloodstream in equal measure because I just touched myself while thinking about Eris Vanserra, and it did less than cure my crush on him.
It made it worse.
...
When I finally bathed off my distress, I came to a reluctant conclusion. It's alright if my husband never feels for me the way I do him. It's alright because I'll at least have him in whatever way I can. I don't like that he's with me out of obligation, but there's nothing to be done for it. The best I can do is wait until he finally cracks into needing me.
Yes, I understand that's deeply sad.
It doesn't matter.
As I dress in a pair of purple linen pants and a matching halter top, I decide it doesn't matter. Living in a cell so long, I've become accepting of the principle that sometimes, there's nothing to be done. Sometimes, things are out of your hands.
All I can do now is get revenge on my father- which always should've been my primary focus. I don't know how I let it go on the back burner these past few nights.
I leave my room with absolutely no indication of what time it is. All I know is that I'm hungry- which makes me a bit happy. I find Helion and Eris in the sitting room, a massive charcuterie board sprawled between them and untouched. I nearly foam at the mouth.
"Told you she'd be down for dinner," Eris tells Helion as they disengage from whatever political conversation they had been having. I decide I'm too hungry to care- I'll ask Eris about it later.
That is if I can figure out how to look him in the eye without my skin burning under his smoldering amber gaze.
"Dinner," I echo, sitting down in front of the board. "So that means it's afternoon?"
Helion chuckles heartily. "That truly was her first party," he says, jolly and amused. "No wonder she slept in until six."
"Six?" My eyes go wide as I pause eating a cracker mid bite.
Eris shrugs helplessly. "Good morning?"
I chuckle quietly, eating more grapes and cheeses. "I suppose that means last night's party was a success then," Helion smirks proudly, looking between Eris and I suggestively. "You two seemed to have fun- despite leaving early."
"What are you insinuating, Helion?" I raise a brow. "I'll have you know Eris and I have agreed to abstain from premarital eye contact until after the wedding. I'm nothing if not a lady."
Helion laughs grandly. "Well, I seemed to see the pair of you making quite a bit of eye contact last night during the exhibition," he shrugs smugly. "But what happens in the day court, stays in the day court, Lady Nephele."
"Is that so?" Eris muses, giving me his half full glass of water. How he had known I was thirsty, I couldn't say, but I'm endeared. We'll say that.
"It better be," Helion laughs. "I do some outlandish shit here."
I giggle, nibbling on a strawberry. "I get the distinct impression that you do outlandish shit everywhere you go, Helion," I tease.
Helion snorts. "You're a perceptive one, Nephele," he leans back on his grand chair. "That's why I like you."
I pop a grape in my mouth, smiling at the ground.