Vår revolution

| WILHELM

As soon as Hillerska was out of sight, Wilhelm finally let the tears he had held for so long escaping his red eyes.

The now full on sobbing boy couldn't care less about Malin being in the car with him while he was in such a vulnerable state, she probably already knew everything about Simon and him. So he wasn't gonna bother trying to hide his feelings, better here than the palace they were currently headed to, in that place there's no such thing as emotions. 

He wasn't able to get his mind off of Simon and that last hug.
That hug, it felt warm, it felt like something he would wanna feel forever if he could. But it also felt like a goodbye rather than a 'see you soon'.

The thought scares Wilhelm.
'Have a nice Christmas', that's not the right answer to a first 'I love you'.
But what did he expect?

Hurting Simon is the most stupid thing he has ever done, and now he has to deal with the aftermath.
The prince didn't want there to be a life 'after' him, he couldn't imagine it.

Simon learnt him that there are other things than anxiety and fear, that he wasn't crazy, that he could feel real, good things. Like what he felt for Simon, love.

But the title of 'crown prince', the video leaked by his cousin, made everything seem so difficult,  impossible for now.

After 45 minutes of inner turmoil the car  arrived at the palace. Wille could feel his breaths getting more irregular when he saw his parents patiently waiting for his arrival. The prince quickly thanked Malin for the ride and then went to greet his mom and dad with a pretty, perfect, practiced smile.

The queen finally broke the uncomfortable silence: 'Wilhelm, we're so glad you are back home!'.

Really? At home? Here?
Wille clearly was excited too,  spending his Christmas break here, without the boy that was currently taking up all of his brain space.

Next to his parents stood a girl who was around his age, who he didn't notice until his mom started looking her way. She had long blonde hair with stunning braids and hazel eyes, like Simon, that shone even in the December weather. The girl was tall, she could be a model. She was also, objectively, really beautiful, but not even half as beautiful as Simon. Simon was unlike anyone else. He was better
Than everyone else. No one could ever replace Simon. Simon. Simon...

He didn't realise he was staring until just mother coughed discreetly. 'Wilhelm, We really didn't want to overwhelm you. But the Big Christmas Ball is coming soon and your father and I thought it was for the better you two met as soon as possible. This is princess Mariah, Gustaf's daughter. We arranged for her to be your date at the Ball.'

Wille's eyes almost flew out of his skull, a date? A girl? In public?

'You do understand, Wilhelm, we need to make sure every rumor gets denied. We see this as our only option. It will be beneficial for every party involved.'

Oh of course. The royals' reputation, always more important than their only son. But the girl did nothing wrong, she probably didn't want this either, he'll just be nice to her.

'Hi Mariah, pleasure to meet you', he said feeling a big lump coming up in his throat. How could his parents do this to him?

Why don't they get it?

The air felt heavy and his collar was basically suffocating him.

'I'm so sorry  Mariah, it was
great meeting you, but could you excuse me for a minute?'

Wilhelm literally ran away,  but he wasn't running away from this nightmare. He was only running further into it.

The queen desperately tried following him: 'Don't run away like that young man, we didn't raise you like this'.

His blood started boiling, was this unpleasant surprise his fault?
Wille was thought to not use the word 'hate' but that's the only term he could put next to his parents now.

'I am sorry. I really am. I know this doesn't look good, but don't you understand that I'm tired? I just really need some time alone'. He was running away as fast as he could, wanting to just magically run out of this miserable life, if that were possible.

'Wilhelm wai-', his mother tried to get his attention but he was already gone.

He finally reached his room, but the running didn't stop, it was uncontrollable, he was getting lost,  drowning in his thoughts. The panic became too much, the room was a box without air. His clothes started itching and his ears were ringing.

A total breakdown.

He started rubbing his chest and concentration on his breath. He knew better than letting this get to him.
Although this stopped him from feeling so overwhelmed, the ever lasting sadness this place brought him didn't stop.

As if he didn't cry enough in the car the tears just kept coming. Everything he felt the last couple of weeks came out. All the anger, sadness, disappointment, everything left his body as a salty liquid.

He needed to talk to someone, he was just a kid, this was nothing to handle by himself. Wilhelm quickly grabbed his phone, dialed Simon's number and then realized this wasn't going to make anything better, it might just make things worse.

Wille knew Simon didn't want to talk to him anymore, so he wouldn't be very pleased if he heard a sobbing Wilhelm on the phone not even 2 hours after they said goodbye.

He felt pathetic, not being strong enough to handle this change, to handle being apart, to handle his own feelings.

It was tiring,
Wille really didn't have the strength to go down and talk to everyone after the situation outside, dinner would be just as tasty in the morning, he told himself.

So he put on some comforting music and hugged his pillow tight to feel less lonely as he tried to fall asleep.