Oh, That Russian Accent

Chapter 44 - part two

After we'd eaten the salad that I made, we head directly into the bedroom. With my dearest book in my hand, I make myself comfortable. Dimitri is out in the bathroom, I think. I try to focus on the words in front of me, but eventually give up. My mind keeps drifting off to the phone call. Dimitri has been acting differently since. Almost distant. Something is on his mind, I know it. I can almost hear the wheels turning inside his head. I just wish that he'd share it with me. Maybe I could help him. I hate that he's being so secretive.

5 HOURS EARLIER

I just finished my last class for the day and am currently headed towards the coffee shop. I am in desperate need of coffee right now. I consider ordering one for Dimitri too, but I think I'm going to actually sit down in here and read a book. I can't keep being so cooped up inside the apartment all the time. I need to get a little out, even if I only mean in a small cafe. I take my book out and start reading while I enjoy my hot coffee. I don't even realize that someone is saying my name before they nudge my shoulder a little.

"Oh sorry, I didn't hear you at all. I must've been so caught up in my book. Hi Dimitri," I say and give him a small peck on the lips. Public affection has never been my favorite. Why would I want for everyone else to see, when I can have it only for myself?

"No problem. Uhmm, so I have to meet up with Jamie for an hour. Is that alright?" he asks me.

"Yeah, yeah it's no problem. I think I'm just gonna stay here actually. Maybe even eat a sandwich for dinner. I quite enjoy it," I tell him, "No offense to our apartment."

He gives me a small smile, tells me to be safe, and then bolts out of the cafe door. Why is he acting so weird? I wish he'd just ignored that stupid call. But that's not really what bothers me. What bothers me is, he won't tell me anything about it. I think it's good that I stay in the cafe for another couple of hours - get some space from him so I don't lash out. I know he just needs some time to process whatever he was told from the other line, and then he'll tell me. I take a deep breath and get back to my book, letting myself get sucked into its universe.

3 HOURS EARLIER

I'm pretty close to finishing my book, as I stand up to order a cup of hot chocolate. I look at the display of different cakes and sandwiches they sell. I decide to try the sandwich with ham, lettuce, cheese, and cucumber. It looks delicious honestly. Before I go back to my reading, I send a quick message to Dimitri telling him I'll be home around 7 PM.

15 MINUTES EARLIER

I had a very nice time at the cafe, but I'm busted now. All I want to do is sleep. I reach the apartment and as soon as I walk through the front door, I feel the energy change. My eyes quickly find Dimitri's. He is sitting on the couch with large bags and suitcases surrounding him.

"We going somewhere?" I ask him jokingly, ignoring the churning of my stomach.

"Ruby, we need to talk," he tells me carefully, seeming upset.

I walk towards him on the couch but I don't sit down. Sitting still seems too... still right now. I know something is going to change drastically between us. I can feel it in the air.

Dimitri stands up from the couch and takes my hands in his. "The call I got last night... It was my mother. She has become ill," he tells me slowly.

My eyes beg him to continue, even though I already know where this is heading.

"She- she asked me to come back home. She needs my help... so I have to leave. There is nothing I would rather do than stay here with you, Ruby. You know that, right? I love you more than anything but I cannot stay here when my mother needs help back in Russia. I cannot make myself do that to her. So I am leaving... tonight. My flight is booked and my bags are packed. She may not have been the best mother, but she is blood after all. I really hope you understand," he tells me slowly, waiting for my reaction.

"Well... of course you have to help her. I mean, I would do the same for my dad, no doubt. So how long will you be gone? Oh, or I could maybe go with you if it's only a couple of weeks," I ask him, feeling a little light-headed.

"Well Ruby, that is just it. You cannot come with me... and I do not know how long I will be gone for," he tells me looking away.

"Dimitri, look at me. What are you saying?" I ask him calmly.

"This is it, Ruby. This is the end."

"Wait, what?" I ask him, shocked to my core.

"I am ending it."

I'm so confused so I voice my thoughts out loud, "Why?"

"What? I just told you. I am leaving the country, Ruby. We are not going to be able to be together."

"Just because we're not physically together, doesn't mean you have to end the relationship. We can do long-distance while you're away."

"No, we cannot."

I can feel myself starting to get angry. "Why the hell not?" I ask him, raising my voice slightly.

"Because I am not even sure if I am coming back to America again, Ruby!" He booms, finally letting out what he had been holding on to.

"Wh-what?" I whisper.

PRESENT

"You can't do this, Dimitri. You can't just leave - not without me!" I almost scream at him, suddenly.

"I do not have a choice!" He screams back.

"Yes, you do. You do have a choice! You can choose to stay here with me, please stay. Or just take me with you! Or... or we can call every day - text even! Anything, ANYTHING would be better than ending this!" I yell, trying to find any kind of possible solution. I don't understand why he's doing this.

"I would be holding you back, Ruby! You are in college and you want to... what? text me? or call me? You want to stay awake until 3 AM so we can hit the right timezone? Is that what you want, huh?!"

"If it means that I can keep you as mine, then YES, I'll call you or face-time you. And you know why I'm willing to do that, huh? Because I goddamn love you!"

"But I will not let myself be the guy that is holding you back! Some day you will wake up and despise me! And I cannot do that to you!" he yells.

Tears are falling like a waterfall down both our cheeks. I can already feel my heart shattering into a million pieces.

"You are so selfish! Everything we have together, you're willing to throw that out of the window, because you're afraid? Afraid that I'll despise you? Well, you are doing a pretty good job at it right now.!

Silence.

"I have to go, Ruby."

"You know what? You are just like her," I tell him quietly. The adrenaline is slowing down as the reality of what's happening falls onto my shoulders.

"Just like who?"

"My mum. You are just like her."

"Do not say that, Ruby. Please, you have to understand."

"But I don't, do I? I don't understand. I don't understand how you can leave everything - leave me. And just say you are not coming back, as if you don't have anything to come back for. Am I not worthy enough? Is that it? Is that why you are not even willing to try any possible solutions?" I ask him, disappointment set in as I look him directly in the eyes.

"You know that is not true. I still love you."

"Stop."

"What?" He asks.

"Nothing I say or do will change your mind, so please just stop talking."

"Okay..."

With that, Dimitri grabs his stuff and opens the front door.

"Goodbye, Ruby."

The door closes and a sob breaks through.

"Goodbye, Dimitri," I whisper faintly.

THE END