𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 || ᶠᵘˡˡ ᵒᶠ ˢʰⁱᵗᵉᵘˢ~

For my Diamond

Today is a "try not to cry challenge" for me (when is it not istg-)

Today is the day..... we met today... August 13...

Oh God nostalgia isn't gonna leave me ever-

It's been a year. I can't believe, already a year... The most painful year... oh God who said 2021 will be better- It's the worst and I don't even want to talk about it....

So..... we met today.. I'm still alive-

I'm sorry because I'm gonna sound like a clingy a** b!tch.... bear with me..

I mean out of all the days we talked how did you even cooperate with me...? I just noticed the way I texted (flirted will be more accurate smh) and I'm embarrassed..

I honestly feel disgusted with myself... that day when I wasn't feeling well I was reading our chats and honestly I was dying of embarrassment, tHe GoDdAmN wOrDs I uSeD- *sigh* 

I seriously hate this now... I used to call myself a flirt lmao- I changed in a day. And also damn the way I used to address you ew ew ew ew I'm so done with myself.

Ain't I too irritating sometimes?! Maybe my friends don't say that to me because they don't want to hurt me and such because they think I am already upset because of things.. I dunno

Is this the reason because of which you- uh.... nevermind..

 I wish to have a memory loss soon so I forget you.. It's hard for me to forget people like you. You are so special. You've been a special part of my life and I can't deny it even if I want to..

Idk how is it possible for me to like and admire you even if I know that we will never meet, or Idek you in person.. I'm in awe.. 

anyways let me come straight to the point

I love you ok? yeah I still do.. "still"

I swear I don't want to.. but I do and I can't help it. I hope you are doing fine. And I also hope you will not forget me, I know it would seem stupid but if you were at my place you'd understand how I feel...

All the faint memories are rushing to my mind once again... just like the way blood rushed to my cheeks when I talked to you. (this was so cheesy I can't with myself-)

I remember the names you gave me... I cherish that. I won't go back to reading our chats this time, because I don't want to cry this time. Especially over you.

Although I am crying rn... while writing this.. sometimes I think how can I be sooooo sensitive and at the same time I'm like it's okay, who is even judging me here...

I feel so dumb. I feel so dumb being like this. I feel like someone is controlling me.... I swear I need some help.... :(

Earlier every single thing reminded me of you but I am trying to hold myself together.. Somehow I feel broken... but I know I don't have to give up.. I will keep fighting until my last breath..

Coming to this platform was the biggest  mistake I ever made in my life... I hate it more than my bullies yk *chuckles* 

I don't want to start again- but... it's heart breaking... nobody even thought once about how would I feel when they broke their promises... okay why would they though.... istg I should stop...

Why do they like to do this to me-

Ok now fr- *laughs*

Are you eating well, mistress...? Did it feel disgusting when I used to call you that? I hope your studies are going fine~ Also, I hope your family, (especially your little sister) is fine :)

How's the weather there? I hope its not too cold uwu~

Don't catch a cold, diamond :<

Ummm..... what else should I talk about?.... 

I'm so surprised tbh.. I never thought my life would take such a turn... I'm not talking about you leaving though..idk

I suddenly feel bad idk why.... I Don't know what's happening anymore... what am I supposed to do... I am definitely not gonna fulfil my dream... that's for sure.. I'm just sitting idle not putting any effort and it sucks... anyway why am I telling you that.... -_-

And.... I feel useless smh ...

anyways... why do I talk so much lol?

Y'know I have your pictures... oh well didn't I mention it earlier- I'd like to say again- You're beautiful. Like a princess *ocean eyes* is it okay to drool over you at this point?- your eyes are so big and- ugh I'm uwuing hard- its complicated I hate my life...

You are such a nice person... please be the way you are and keep spreading light..

I miss you... Thank you for coming to my life, even if it was just a little period of time. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FOR NOT PROMISING A "FOREVER" TO ME. AND FOR BEING HONEST. 

uh and- This was me, your cherry pie *sobs*

I hope the future holds good for you... 

Love you... :C