"Not being able to fall in love even though you want it so bad."
Lenna's life in college is almost finishing and she hoped for one thing in her life: Success. But who said success didn't include having a growing relationship. A healthy, passionate...
I worked late so I could forget about Lenna having fun at a random nightclub with her friends. And relaxed when one of my private guards gave me updates of what she was doing, after secretly watching on her from a corner. I tried to remind me where our relationship was, and it's no more than a professional one. But she already felt my intense attraction towards her by all the gifts I gave her. They were all to cause a reaction towards her but deeply it was like an apology. Something I began realizing I was copying my parents. A way to say 'I'm sorry' the only way I knew how. Except that they didn't actually mean it like I did. My gaze fell on the corner of my desk where I had taken her after she assured me to do it. I'm a piece of shit. She's one of the most emotional and probably hopeless romantics, who loved too much. She expected to lose the only thing she cared about, in a romantic way like normal people did. 'I only sleep with men that I love.' Her words were engraved in my mind, and I realized I didn't deserve to take that away from her when she didn't love me at all. Fuck, I don't even fully understand what love is. How could I? My mom and dad couldn't even stand being together. It was all for appearances. Suddenly I received a new email with her name on it. A with no delay, I opened it.
To: Luke Huxley From: Lenna Salinger Subject: lxxxxnwiehfsjjsskskkskxxxxxx
You won'tttttt believe wht songggg the Dj is playin!!!!!!!!! Jsjdjjdj iss our song! Where r u hiding? Can't spot you in the 'Apex Fusssion clubbb $-$' With loveee,,,, Your muffin, shorrtcake, princesss, marshmallow, hot stuff...
My gaze shifted to the time and it was almost midnight, but I didn't wait any minute to drive there. It was clear that she was drunk. And probably way too much that she didn't even think about sending me that email. Checking on my messages, I realized the guy had sent me updates notifying me how drunk she was. 'What should I do?' 'Nothing. I'll be there in ten minutes' I texted and sent it to him. My adrenaline rushed as I increased the speed while driving. And climbing out while searching for. Even my heart beat so fast and loud, and for what? God, the power this girl was having over me. I searched through the crowd and I was only able to spot Dave ordering more drinks at the bar. I went straight towards him and the guy smiled as soon as he saw me. "My best guess is that you are looking for her." I looked at him seriously and I guess that was a yes for him cause he finally pointed where she was. Talking to a random guy at their table. The guy had blonde hair, opposite than me, and his hand was placed in her shoulder, pulling her closer while she laughed. The hand placement brought a new side of me that I never knew of. Jealousy. That's all I felt. And it wasn't better than the pain I felt in my chest. No. It was worse. I wanted to beat him up until he regretted getting close to her. Or even daring to look at her. My breathing changed as I walked towards them, my hands squeezing into tight fists. But my expression turned into a friendly coldly one. I stood in front of them and the guy didn't even glance at me until I lowered myself at their level eye. "You seem like a nice guy," I finally said. Both of them finally looked at me in shock. I glanced at his hand and continued smiling viciously. "And that's a nice hand by the way. Must be the one you jerk off with. It would be a shame if I broke it, don't you think?" He removed his hand instantly and I noticed how he swallowed harshly before speaking. "Are you her—". "I am," I quickly said. "And do you want to see what happens when someone touches what's mine?" He shook her head and he instantly left us. Not letting me even say the best part. I slowly glanced at her, and she was already smiling at me. "There you are. What took you so long?" She leaned towards me until she wrapped her arms around my neck for a hug. Her closeness fulfilling that empty spot I've been having these past days. My hand traveled towards her back, and I pulled her closer. The sensation making me forget the people around me. "Why don't we go home? Would you like that, muffin?" She laughed and pulled away until she looked at me and said, "Yes. I would like that." Suddenly my eyes fell on her chest, and noticed that she was wearing the blue pendant necklace I had picked for her for one reason only. "You are wearing the necklace I gave you." I caressed her neck gently until I touched the gold chain that drew to the blue drop laying lower. "I love it, but I don't deserve it," she slowly said while she tried to hold herself together. "I...I wanted to wear it once before I give it to you back." She blinked a few times, the alcohol loosening her up until she admitted it. "I...I also forgot to tell you that I loved the flowers. Each one of them and...and I—" She covered her eyes as she softly laughed "—I know it's embarrassing but I even took care of them so they wouldn't die quickly." My chest tightened at her confession. And so did my hold in her waist. "I don't have a favorite flower. Do you have a favorite flower?" She screamed and I fought a smile. "I'll tell you at the car." "Okay!" Is shook my head and walked outside with her at my side. A few girls regarded us and cheered at her for quite lots and similar reasons, and she only agreed with them. Once I buckled her, she wrapped me again and gave me another long hug for no reason. And I didn't complain at all, I just let her. Because as soon as the alcohol gets out of her system, we will ignore each other again. And these hugs began being my favorite thing she could ever give to me. "Am I yours?" She turned to face me with eye-fucking eyes, before I even began driving. "Would you like that?" She bit her lower lip and nodded as she looked at me seductively. "Good." I caressed her cheek and she smiled even more. I shouldn't be enjoying her drunk side, but why miss the chance? I began driving and checking on her, but I noticed how she grew tired of sitting and remaining silent. Suddenly she lowered the window, and took her head out, to scream in amusement. A few cars passing by and honking at her. That's when she laughed louder. And at the moment she had fun until we arrived and her headache began. Opening her door I reached for her hand but she threw herself towards me. "Can you carry me? "Your way, remember?" I didn't oppose, I just bent down and lift her in my arms, at the same time her legs surrounded my waist. Another convenient hug. "You are strong," she exclaimed as we got inside the building and then the elevator. "Super strong." I tilt my eyebrow, and lifted her again to accommodate her higher in my arms, earning me a laugh in return. "How do you feel?" "Ummm—everything is spinning." I walked out of the elevator and tried to keep a good pace towards her place. "Hold on to me. We are almost there." When we finally faced the door, I lowered her down so I could look for the keys in her purse. "How do you feel now?" She looked at me and that was it. She bent and threw up in my shoes. Not surprised. "Oh God. I'm sorry." She ran inside and went straight to the bathroom where I heard her throw more. Sighing I didn't even wanted to look down, so I just took them off and threw them away in the nearest hallway trashcan. I eventually made my way to her and grabbed her hair so she wouldn't make more of a mess. Another deja vu, but a different one. "This must be fun for you, huh?" She said after grabbing toilet paper to clean her mouth. "You know I'm enjoying this a lot." "Stop lying," she said finally standing up to wash her mouth. "I feel like I'm a pass out." "You want me to carry you to bed?" "Yes please." I smiled at the next hug. Fuck, I'm never going to get tired of them now. Making my way towards her I bent and placed my hands below her legs and at her back. Slowly and gently grabbing her, I straightened and carried her to her bed, where she instantly fell until she curled herself. But it was cold, and she had vomit in her shirt. So she had to change. "Stay with me. Don't fall asleep yet. You need to change of clothes." I searched around and grabbed one of her oversized T-shirts along with a pair of blue pants with small flowers in it. I reached for her, but she complained. Her eyes feeling to heavy to look at me clearly. "I want to sleep," she begged in a sleepy voice. "You will once you change of clothes." I pulled her until she stood in front of me still with her eyes closed. "Hold on to me." She nodded, and that's when I bent down to remove it. She began pulling her legs so I could take the pants away easily, her grip in my shoulders tightened. "Alright, now place your legs inside these..." And she did. Once I pulled them to her waist, I made her sit in the corner of the bed. "No no, you still have to do this upper part on your own." "Okay...okay." She pulled began pulling her skirt off, and that's when I looked away to give her privacy in the only part she feared showing me. I patiently waited. "Are you done?" She hummed a yes and that's when I turned around and saw her curling to the middle of the bed with her new clothes on. I walked forward and pulled the bed sheets above her. At the move, she pulled my tie to say, "Sleep with me. I'm cold." She was about to pass out and before I could answer, her body gave in. I sighed. "Another time, shortcake."
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I traced a finger on her cheek, admiring her completely. My mind drowning in the possibility of her and me. Lowering myself, I sat next to her. Full of thoughts and inner conflicts. Grabbing one of her hands, I kissed it and finally placed it in my heart. "This doesn't mean that I love you or anything like that. I...I just happen to like your face, your sense of humor, kindness, and the way you make me feel when you kiss me, laugh with me, and—" I whispered in disturbance. "—the way you make me feel when you are near me. No big deal." I caress her hand one last time before leaving her bedroom. Feeling tenderness and nothing more.
