"Oh pathetic, but now you know. And you are fucked over two things. First you kissed my girlfriend. Second you kissed a girl." A girl. She was the first girl I have ever kissed. And it end like this. Why.
"Yeah a girl. And I am sorry I didn't know s...
This is it. I am really going crazy. I thought that I had enough problems, but now I am also unsure about my sexuality. What is my brain doing with me.
It all started when a new girl came to my school two weeks ago. I had always assumed I was straight. But she changed that. Not a little bit, no that thought is now completely gone. I never thought I would be a lesbian, bi or pan. And god knows how I am going to figure this out.
Come to think of it, I've never really liked a guy before. Not that I ever liked a girl, but this is the first time I have some kind of crush. I've always found women more attractive than men, but I've never really thought about it. I just thought I hadn't found the right man yet. But now I am not so sure.
And now tomorrow is also a fuckin' prom. I am at the beginning of my penultimate year. I've only got a year and a half to go at this damn school. And I can't wait to get my diploma.
At my school they always have a prom at the beginning of the 'big' holidays. And now it's almost spring break so a fuckin' prom.
Yeey
I think it's a shitty party. First a teacher will tell you something about your class and then the party can begin. The seniors bring drinks. And the teachers are so blind they don't see it. Although I have to say that if you've had a bit to drink it's quite fun. I know I'm only sixteen, but I won't say no to a little alcohol.
So tonight I am going to have a good sleep and tomorrow I am going to party like I lost my mind. I could use some distraction I must say.
***
I wake up from my yelling mother. When I look at the clock I see that it is half past six. Jezus mom, I know you need to work at seven but you don't have to yell like that. Sometimes I am mad at my dad that he let her treat him like that. But now I just want silence. Let me sleep until my own alarm goes off at a quarter past seven.
"Can you just shut up already and let me go to work. I am the one here that makes the money you know. You do nothing. Why am I even married to someone like you."
I press my pillow against my head. My scream is muffled against the fabric. I just want to live a normal life as a normal girl who is going to dress up with her friends all day. To look perfect for the prom. But no I am going to dress up alone in my room with yelling parents. And when I am finally done with that and it's time to go my parents are going to say I look stupid and I need to remove my eyeliner cause 'you look like a whore when you have those black lines around your eyes'.
But today I am not going to care about what they say and I am going to were a short black dress with eyeliner and I am going to feel pretty with it. Cause I know I am not a whore and I only were it because I like it. Hell I have only had sex with one person. And that was with a boy from the football team I was in six months ago. He is two years older than me and we were both drunk. So probably it would not have happened if we weren't drunk. I didn't like it, cause it was so awkward and I didn't feel safe with him.
The rest of the day I have played ukulele, listened to music and when it was time to dress up, I dressed up. I love to play ukulele but my parents don't like it as I play. So I play when there away.
It is now six in the evening and I hear the front door close. I have already eaten just so I don't have to eat with my mom.
The prom starts at half past eight. I'm going to come a little earlier so that I can put on my eyeliner at school and make my parents think that I'm not wearing it. Pretty pathetic actually but the only way I can get out of the house without arguing with my mother.
When it's finally time to go I go downstairs. My father isn't home yet because he always works until late. Still my mother thinks she brings in all the money. It's true that my mother earns more but that doesn't mean he doesn't do anything at all like she always says. but she always talks nonsense so it's not that surprising.
I put on my shoes and call out that I am going.
"Wait a minute, let me see what you have on." My mother calls back.
I hear my mother's footsteps coming towards the hall. The door is pulled open and there she is. A knee-length dress and her hair in a tight ponytail with too much hairspray.
"Okay your dress is too short but I will let you go this time at least you don't have those ugly black whore lines around your eyes." She says rolling her eyes.
I said it always comment. It's never: 'what do you look beautiful girl! You better go quick so you won't be late. I love you!' But that's okay I'm used to it.
Before I can say anything back she walks back into the living room. And I slam the door behind me.
///
A/N: So what do you think that is going to happen at the prom? Let me know!
Love you lots!!
This is what I think the dress looks like:
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