The Only Exception

Chapter 19

"So....kayo na ba?" ani Heaven.

Napatigil ako sa pagsipsip sa straw ng fresh buko juice.

It will be our last day, uuwi na rin mamayang hapon. Kasalukuyan kaming nakasilong sa cottage, habang ang mga lalaki ay busy sa paglangoy.

Napatigin ako sa kanila. They were all gawking at me, waiting for me to drop the bomb.

Nag iwas ako ng tingin sa kanila at hindi na lang sumagot. Dahil hindi ko kayang sagutin ng totoo ang tanong nila.

"Right! Silence means yes." si Stella.

Hindi na lang ako umimik. Afraid that if I answer them truthfully, he will know, and he would hope for me for nothing.

"Tell us the truth, are in love with my cousin?" si Novella habang nakataas ang isang kilay sa akin.

She was seriously looking at me, like if she would hear something she won't like, she will hunt me down until death.

I want to say that I have feelings for Ryan. That I am in love with him, but each time I try to open my mouth to say something, I always end up closing it because the sad face of Conrad keeps coming back on my mind. And each time his face pops up, I was hurting, not for me but for him.

Natatakot akong saktan siya, natatakot akong muling makita ang sakit sa kanya. I am scared that I would make him feel the same pain I've felt. Gustong gusto kong sundin na lang ang puso ko, gusto kong piliin ang ikakasaya ko pero hindi ko kayang maging masaya habang may nasasaktan ako. I'd rather be the one who's hurting than to be the one who hurt someone.

I already saw the clarity of this from the very beginning, but I always try to block it because I can't accept the fact that I fell in love even after Conrad broke me. It was already clear that I have fallen in love with Ryan even in my moving on. it was already Ryan Emmanuel de Stefano.

Pero kahit klaro na ang lahat sa akin ay hindi pa rin mawala ang katanungan sa akin. Maraming tanong ang naglalaro sa isipan ko.

How did Ryan managed to take over my heart when I was so sure that Conrad was the owner of my heart? How did he shake my feelings for Conrad? How and when did I fall in love with him?

Marami pa at kung iisipin at pipilitin kong sagutin iyon ng sabay, mababaliw ako.

Hindi ko kayang pagkatiwalaan ang sarili ko. Ang sariling nararamdaman ko.

Paano ko susubukang tumaya kung hindi ko pa rin matanggap ang lahat ng ito?

Alam kong nakakalito, pero hinayaan ko pa rin, dahil nga gusto ko rin.

Now! This is your karma, and whether you like it or not, you will have to taste a bit of your decisions.

Gusto ko nang sabunutan ang sarili sa sobrang gulo na.

How come that in a short span of time, I am already this smitten? Hindi ko lubos maisip na sa ilang buwan lang na magkasama kami ay ganito na kaagad katindi ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Kung simpleng atraksiyon lang at matatanggap ko pa.

I cannot really trust my own feelings right now. Sobrang gulong gulo ako. I am doubting it even when my heart was so sure of it.

If ever these feelings right now won't last longer than I thought, what will happen to me? Kung papaniwalaan ko ang puso ko at magkamali ako, anong mangyayari sa akin? will I regret it?

Paano nga kung nakikilito lang talaga ako, at ang puso ko ay nagugustuhan lang ang pinaparamdam sa kanya kaya akala ko ay malalim na ito? Paano kung ganoon nga?

Pero hindi e, alam kong malalim! Nararamdaman kong malalim at mas lumalalim pa. Gusto kong isipin na nalilito lang ako, gaya ng madalas kong isipin noon.