The Wrong direction (one direction Fan Fic)

chapter 2

 Smelling the fragrance of food made me hungry.  'Ugh' I thought to myself, 'Why do I have to be so fat?'.

As I called the other boys in to eat, I realized that they would expect me to eat.  What could I say?  I'm not feeling well?  I'm not hungry?  No, Louis would see right through me, and with my luck, I would be in 'therapy' by tomorrow.  Then an idea came into my head.  I had always thought that throwing up was nasty, but with everything that I was already doing, it couldn't be worse.  I felt a smile crawl on my lips.  Louis would never suspect a thing!  Or, if he did, he would be so confused.

 "Guys"  I called out, " Pizza's here."  They all ran into the kitchen faster than someone would in the Olympics.

 "Yay" Niall cheered, "Food!"  He began to open one of the boxes.  It amazed me of how we could be so different.  He was obsessed with food, and I could barely even stomach it.  Confusing, hun?

After all of the boys had gotten a piece, I grabbed one.  'I can do this' I whispered to myself.  Louis eyed me suspiciously.  I felt his eyes on me the whole time as I took a bite, and fall back to what he was doing. 'It worked' I exclaimed to myself. 

"Alright guys" Liam spoke up, "I have some exciting news!" All our eyes glowed; mine were glowing for a different reason then the others.

 "Tell us!" Louis shouted with his British accent.  He sounded so funny when he tried to be angry.  I burst out laughing.  Louis starred at me.  "What?'' His eyes questioned. "What's so funny?"  That just made me laugh harder.  My stomach began to hurt.  I clutched it, and winced in pain.  Crap!  Bad idea. 

 After laughing so hard, I felt like I had forgotten about all my problems.  I had forgotten that I was a screwed up mess.  I had forgotten that cuts littered my stomach, that I didn't eat; that I would have to leave to throw up. 

 I bit my lip and played with my hair.  That was something that I did when I was nervous.

 "Sorry Boo Bear. "  I smiled and he smiled back.  Again, things were beginning to feel right again.

  "Anyway" Liam said interrupting our moment, "I just wanted to say that tomorrow we have the day off because our interview got canceled."

 I felt relieved.  Finally, I could spend a day with myself; not eating, not hurting, not begin pressured......not doing anything.

 Liam broke my moment.  "So I was wondering if you guys wanted to go sight seeing or shopping or something?"

 Everyone nodded in agreement.  Even Zayn, whose eyes were fixed on the game, looked up.  "Sounds like a great idea."  He stated.  "Just don't leave too early.  I need my beauty sleep."

 We all chuckled.  Niall spoke next.  "Only if we can go to Nandos for lunch."  At the mention of food, my mind began whirring.  'Bathroom, bathroom.' I thought.  'I can't get any fatter.  I just ate food.'

 I began to get up.  "Harry," Louis stated, "Where are you going?"  He was acting like his normal self, and I felt relieved. 

  "Oh nothing" I said as i flipped my hair.  " I just have to go pee really bad."  Niall nodded like he knew the feeling.  I laughed in my head.

   Louis replied, "Okay." Then he turned around to watch the game. He seemed so clueless to what I was about ready to do.  In the dressing room he acted like he really cared about me, but here, his face just slipped in with the others.  'No one cares about me.'  I whispered. 'I'm trash'.

Then I quickly slipped off to the bathroom. As I was walking to the bathroom,  could feel my stomach churn.  I hadn't eaten food in so long that it was probably wondering what to do. 

  I reached the bathroom, and locked the door.  I didn't want anyone walking in on me now, did I. 

      After locking the door, I looked in the mirror.  Was Zayn right?  Did I really look pale?  I felt goose bumps on my arm as I looked into my eyes.  Did they look hollow, or was it just the lighting? 

     I glanced down at my thighs.  Fat, fat, fat I thought to myself.  My stomach turned again, and I remembered why I came in here.  I began to shake.  Was I really going to do this?  This is so different from not eating.  I actually feel scared . 

     'Your just a wimp' I heard myself say.  Right.  I knelt down in front of the toilet, a released my the contents of my stomach.  I continued until I knew there was nothing left.  Until there was nothing left to make me fat.  As I pushed myself off the ground, I felt faint.  I latched onto the sink, and turned on the water.  I began to wash my hands.  My eyes had tears that had flowed down because of the pressure.  I quickly wiped them off, and slid down to the back of the bathroom wall.

   What is wrong with me?  I've become....what?  A monster?  Before I auditioned for the X factor I was happy with myself.  What changed?  Why did I have to become fat?  Why did i gain so much weight?

   I felt tears stream down my face.  I never used to cry, but now, every night, I find that I am crying myself to sleep.  Why can't I be perfect?

   I began to get a tingling in my wrist, and I knew what I needed. I saw Liam's shaver by the sink, and I grabbed it.  Next I broke out the blade, and pressed it to my wrist.  Relief filled over my whole body as adrenalin rushed through it. 

   Just as I was going to cut again, I heard someone call my name from the other side of the door.

   "Harry..." It whispered.  'Shit' I thought to myself.  It was Louis' voice. 

    I tried to scramble up, but I felt too weak and just crumpled to the floor.

    "Harry..what's wrong?" Louis asked again.

     "I'm fine." My voice croaked.  I sounded like I had been crying, and my throat hurt from puking.  I didn't even convince myself.  I grabbed a Kleenex to stop my wrist from bleeding.  It began to throb.

    'This can't be happening to me.' I thought as I pushed myself up off the floor.  It worked!  I turned on the sink.

   "I'm getting the boys if you won't let me in Harry."  He called again.  I felt my heart stop.  If Louis didn't understand, then none of them would.  They would hate me!

  "Harry......" Louis whispered again.  My brain hurt from thinking.  After replaying all of my options, I decided.

   I turned off the water, and threw away the tissue.  This was it.  I couldn't risk the other boys knowing.  I silently walked over to the door and turned the handle.  This was my fate.

   I slowly opened the door to let him in. 

   'I'm going to regret this' I think to myself.  Then, I let him enter.

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