The Wrong direction (one direction Fan Fic)

chapter 2

After a few more minutes of walking, we reached the back door.  I placed another smug smile on my face, and walked out into the chilled England air.  Breathing it in felt good.  It reminded me of when I would occasionally smoke with Zayn.  I hated the smell and the after taste, but right in the moment, as you are breathing in the puff of contaminated air, your lungs feel.......full? 

  As I sat my self in shot gun of the five passenger car, I saw Zayn pull out a cigarette.  Ironic, hum? After lighting the sick, Zayn barely had time for more than two puffs before Liam cut the silence.

"ZAYN! What have i told you about smoking in my car! You know I don't like that stuff."  Liam blurted.  Zayn looked hurt, but he rolled down the back seat window, and flicked the glowing stick into the street.  "Sorry mate," he said softly, "I guess I forgot."

 "It's all good."  Liam replied. 

 After that, the car ride to Liam's was really peaceful.  No one really said anything, but just listened to the hum of the radio in the background.  Occasionally, you could hear Niall softly singing along. 

 30 minutes we later we arrived at our hotel.  Liam's suite was on the forth floor, so we all decided to take the elevator.  By now, everyone was buzzing with things to say- well, everyone except me.  Niall was yelling something about being too late, and that the pizza guy had already gone and left.  Zayn was yelling about missing the start of the football (soccer for all you Americans out there) game.  Louis and Liam were on the phone with their girl friends arranging a date where they could come over.  Everyone seemed like they had something to do.  I, who was definitely begin left out of the group, pretended to play angry birds on my phone. 

 After the short elevator ride, and a small encounter with a few of obsessed fans, we finally reached the suite; number 56.  As soon as Liam opened the door, I knew Zayn wasn't joking about it being the only one clean.  Everything was in perfect order. 

 I plopped myself on the couch along with Zayn and Louis, and began to watch the game that had just begun. 'Perfect timing', I thought to myself.  Just as I was becoming comfy, the door bell rang.  Normally, Niall would be the first to answer, but he was in the bathroom, so i got up to pay the pizza delivery guy.

 I straightened out my clothes, and opened the door.  "Hello?"  I stated.

 The delivery pizza 'guy' apparently turned out to be a girl.  Her face flushed as she saw me.

 "Hi" She said quietly.  "I have your pizza."

  I smiled at her.  She seemed really scared and excited to see me. I liked the fact that she wasn't fan girling. "Thanks love.  How much will it be tonight?"  I stated as I took the boxes.

 "Um....."  she said as she began to pull out the receipt.  "47 pounds."  I pulled out the money and handed it to her.  She stood frozen for a second, and then quietly whispered.  "Um...can I take a picture with you?"

 I flashed her another 'million dollar smile' and agreed.  After the picture, she quietly thanked me and left. 

As I was leaving, I began to think.  It always amazes me how crazy fans can get if they see one of us.  Personally, I don't understand it.  I'm just a person just like them, and there's nothing special about me.  I'm not perfect.  If the fans really knew who I am, what I do to myself, would they still like me so much?  Would they accept me for who I really was?  No, they couldn't.  The press would tear me to pieces. 

 Just thinking about what would happen if someone really knew me, made me shiver.  Then, I realized that Louis did.  He knew!  The whole car ride I could feel his eyes on me.  I would never catch his gaze.  It seemed to me that he had something to say.  Like he kept on wanting to talk to me about what he saw- what he knew.  Honestly, that scared the hell out of me.  What if he puts me in therapy.  What would his reason be; 'For anorexia',  for 'cutting', or for just trying to be 'perfect'?  I quickly shook those thoughts out of my mind.  I will figure something out.  No way was he going to get me in some insane isslym.