Revenge Turned Sweet

Chapter 10: Immortal Monster

I try to rip my arm away with no success, the cool vibranium stays wrapped around my forearm. I open my eyes, seeing the ocean blue ones staring back into mine with substantial amounts of self-hatred saturating them. His lips are formed in a hard line and his breathing is heavy, no doubt from all the fighting he just endured. I flick my free hand up and see blue sparks come from my fingers, causing that vibranium arm of his to seize and lock up.

He discards his grip on my arm in the process and grunts as waves of blue intercept the gold notes in the silver but I hold my stare on him. Anger and fear mixing in my mind, making a dangerous cocktail of emotions. "You know, you really had me fooled," I snarl, sniffling in the cold air.

He stands back up as the energy dies down, adjusting his arm and staring at me with a frozen look in his eyes. "The list of names, the amends, the notebook!" I stop myself and redirect my thoughts when I feel them going off the deep end. I push my hair out of my face, rubbing my forehead for a moment.

"For years, years, you had me thinking you were a monster... that you were just some evil person who came to kill me just because you could. And I was just consumed with the idea that someday I would get to repay the favor, someday I could have a moment of revenge. You were a wolf waiting for it's chance to pounce and so was I." I pause and take a breath. "You're just a person! You're just a person, not a monster, not evil. Broken maybe, but not evil. Just a person," I repeat, trying to convince myself of my words more than him.

He reaches out to grab my arm again and I back into the railing. "You're a person! You were used as a pawn in someone else's game, used as a weapon. For years I built you up on this tall monument, thinking of you as some sort of immortal monster but... here you are! And here I am, working together, working with The Winter Soldier," I scoff to myself as his eyes focus intently on me, waiting for me to continue.

"What I just saw in there...that was it, that was my biggest fear for years. But seeing your face, your guilt ridden and frightened face showed me the truth. You're scared just like I was. Scared of becoming him again." Tears start streaming down my cheeks without permission as I come down from the anger stirring inside of me.

He shakes his head in confusion. "What-What're you saying?" His eyes are narrowed and his lips turned down in a frown, as if he's scared of my next words.

My lip quivers and I bite down onto it, not looking away from his eyes. "Seeing how you act, the way you act like you're afraid of yourself and the way you're so wracked with guilt that even I can feel it, like it's somehow contagious. I can't be a part of the reason you feel like that anymore." I take a breath, feeling as if my next words might make the world crash down around me.

"I forgive you, James," I say while taking a trembling breath. His eyes widen but I continue before he can speak. "So, please, forgive yourself. Cross my name off the list, do whatever you need to do but I can't continue to watch you do this. I can't bear to be apart of the reason you hate yourself any longer because as much as that hurts you, it hurts me as well." His eyes are wide as I speak, watching me intently with a look of wonder in his features. "And if you keep going down this road, you will become him again. You have a second chance, Bucky," his eyes dart up to mine in the use of his beloved nickname.

"Not everyone will forgive you or give you the confirmation you need to move on. But don't waste this, not many people find themselves with a second chance like you have." I watch his face go from unemotional to softening to a frown.

A breath leaves him and fans over my face and the corners of his lips pick up just a tiny bit, forming a grateful smile. I reach a shaking hand out and brush it against his cheek, making his breathing hitch. For a moment my hand stays glued there, as if we're both adjusting to the touch of another person. His eyes flutter closed as I rub my thumb against the stubble on his cheeks.