THE SCARS ON MY BODY ● JEGULUS |MARAUDERS|

✰FORTY TWO✰

"I can't control it!" The brunette rested his forehead upon his knees instead of his chin and let out a sigh of defeat. Remus was too good at this.

"You don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you."

"I know, I just need to think of a way to change this. Fix it somehow." He was rambling now.

"You cannot change someone who doesn't see an issue in their actions."

"He does see it! He just won't do anything about it! Reg is the type of person to let everyone make him do what they want. He won't complain or ask questions he'll just get on with it and do it perfectly each time."

"Since when were we talking about Regulus? I thought this was about the Blacks in general." Remus said cheekily as he stood up from the ground, dusting off his jeans. James flushed and looked away, he had not meant to speak of Regulus. "He alone is responsible for what he does, what he doesn't do, and how he responds to what is done to him. I thought you knew him well, James, clearly not. Regulus Black bows down to no one, he follows no one, he complies to no one. He just needs time to realize that for himself. Yet, time is everything we have and don't. Fear is temporary, while regret lasts a lifetime. If he means something to you, fight for him." And just like that, he'd left, and James was alone on the floor of the living room once again, yet this time, he was joined by the words of Remus Lupin and the comfort they gave him.

"Thank you, Moony." He mumbled under his breath, understanding that said 'Moony' was no longer there and definitely could not hear him, "Thank you so, so much."

"You're welcome." James flinched, not knowing someone was there and turning to see Humphrey leaning against the wooden door frame.

"Wasn't talking to you." He muttered, messing with the muddy laces on his shoes.

"Awh, shame. Will you talk to me now?" James took a deep breath, knowing that Humphrey had just been speaking to Regulus, and patted Remus' empty patch on the ground. The younger of the two allowed his legs to carry him over and collapse beside Potter.

"You're tired."

"Well done, you're smart." James rolled his eyes at the sarcastic remark and leant his back against the coffee table.

"What do you want?"

"Wow- you two are made for each other." He furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at Humphrey, silently asking for an explanation, "That was exactly what Reg said to me when I went to sit down with him."

"Humphrey. What do you want?"

"Can we be serious for a moment?" He asked, sitting up straight and joining James to lean against the table.

"I'm afraid I don't have any spare Polyjuice Potion, sorry."

"Bloody hell, I thought you were the mature one of the group." James chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Nope, that's Remus."

"Definitely not! He threw a book at me because I was breathing too loudly!" James had to laugh at that. Even during such a time, he couldn't help it. "Anyways, can we talk?"

"We already are." Humphrey glared at him and James gave in on the silliness, "Alright fine, go ahead. Regulus. What's happening?"

"There's a high chance he will join them. He's not as smart as he claims to be, and there is nothing we can do to stop him. Maybe it won't even matter in thirty years; maybe I won't even remember what this feels like by then. But right now, in this very moment, it matters, and it freaking hurts - and I'm still trying to be okay with that. I know I never will be, but it's nice to imagine. 

Friendship isn't about whom you've known the longest. It's about who came and never left. Regulus never left me, and so even if he does something idiotic and ruins everything, I'll still be there for him, because he was there for me. It sucks when one of the only people who can make you smile, is also the person that causes you pain daily. I love Regulus. He is my brother. He will always be my brother. But sometimes I just wish he would try to understand how I feel. How Bailey feels. How Milo feels. How Sirius feels. Even how you bloody feel! Regulus is so much stronger than he knows."

"Humphrey, I'm scared."

"No, you're not. You're worried. About him. What good is that? What does worrying about someone do to help the situation? There is nothing we can do now, except for what we've always done - be there for him. Now off you trot, he's in your room, I expect he's waiting for a nice, juicy kiss on the lips." James smacked his arm but then paused for a second.

"Thank you, Chambers. Regulus is lucky to have you as his brother."

"Thank you, Potter, for loving him. Regulus is lucky to have you as his own." They shared a small side hug before James jumped up and ran for the stairs, leaving Humphrey in the same spot, unmoving as he stared into the fire, showing no emotion.

"Oh, Reg." He whispered into the flames, his hand now covering his face, "You idiot." And he let the tears fall.

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✰ He alone is responsible

for what he does,

what he doesn't do,

and how he responds to what

is done to him ✰

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