MEDICINE ➤ SPENCER REID

EIGHTEEN

"Watching someone you love... die? There are no words for how broken that makes a person. It's like waking up from a bad dream only to find out that it's you reality, it's like watching sunlight fade from the sky, like watching death suck the one you love dry, and being powerless to stop it. You may as well try to stop the waves from rolling in, or the sun from rising.In the end, the waves will roll, the sun will set, and death will come. The only thing you have a choice in? How you deal with it...when it does." - Rachel Van Dyken.

* * *

After a somewhat successful double lung transplant surgery, Louise were soon carted into a small recovery room. The surgery had taken three hours, which, for obvious reasons, made her father absolutely worry throughout the whole procedure.
He waited, alongside Spencer, in the waiting room - consuming countless coffees and constant nail biting.

Spencer was glad to hear that Louise had made the surgery, and felt a burst of excitement overcome him when he was told that he could visit the morning after.
The wide smile was evident when he appeared up for work that exact day, telling his work team that Louise's surgery were successful. They were all happy for him, and while worried about what had actually happened to her, they could only express positive energy to the genius. Throughout work, all Spencer could think of were seeing Louise the next morning - seeing her face again, feeling her touch when he could hold her hand. He was more than excited, to say the least.

The genius spent the whole day at work thinking what he would say to his girlfriend when he would be allowed to see her; I hope you're okay? No. You done amazing? No. Congratulations for making the surgery? No!
Spencer would sit at his desk, a book in one hand and a strong coffee in the other, tracing his memory to when they lay in her bed just moments before her lungs had collapsed.

He remembered laying beside her, holding the woman he loved most close to his chest as he explained how beautiful she were. He remembered when her fingers would trace across his stomach, giving him goosebumps. He remembered the prominent blush on her cheeks when he told her that he loved her. He remembered kissing her soft lips, feeling warm and comforted by her touch.
Most importantly, he remembered when she completely threw herself on him; straddling him with lust and need - because he needed her, and she needed him.

He remembered how beautiful she looked as she rested her head onto her pillow; seeing as strands of her hair fluttered over her hazel eyes. The most beautiful eyes he'd ever rest upon.

Louise's beauty was impossible to compare too, and she made him feel the happiest he'd ever been in his twenty-seven years of living.

Happy.

Their months of being a couple were terrific - a blast - and nothing could compare to the nights they'd spend together, laughing while watching documentaries on her couch, cuddled up; laying together in bed and watching the run rise, walking through the streets of Washington D.C. hand in hand, scared that they'd lose one another. Nothing could compare to the time he first said 'I love you' standing in the middle of a field, drenched with water from the heavy rain, to which she threw herself into his arms - into his arms, arms that wrapped around her strongly as they kissed - rain pouring down their faces as their tongues collided.

It were as if Spencers heart beat with Louise's, and it were as if pure love coursed through their veins; because she didn't have much, nor did he, and they gave every bit of their soul to one another.

He was so happy with her; and she was so incredibly happy with him.

Happy.

But now, Spencer sat only a few feet away from Louise's bed. It was early in the morning, and he had just arrived, arriving as soon as he were told that he could visit her resting body.
The early morning sun bled through the crack of the curtain, its golden shadow laying upon the woman in the hospital bed.

Spencer felt as hot tears flooded down his cheeks, and he gripped Louise's favourite book in his hands, holding it close to him as he wracked deep and thick sobs. He rocked backwards and forth in his seat at the foot of Louise's hospital bed, allowing his disheveled hair to fall into his eyes messily. Each breath he inhaled were shaky and raw and when he exhaled, an inevitable sob would overcome him. Spencer began to cry even more, with continuous sobs, understanding that he's alone and will be for a long time. He cried because safety, love and happy endings seemed to of left the world.
The genius had never cried as hard and as much as he did right now, sat at the foot of the woman he loved most; his girlfriend, his world.

Only moments before entering that exact hospital room, Dr. Spencer Reid and Jim Ashfield were told that Louise Robyn Ashfield's body had started to reject her new lungs; explaining that the complication had started to rise throughout the evening after her surgery, and monitors examined that her new lungs were being rejected by her own body - and being attached to a ventilator, that breathed air for her, the nurses stated that Louise Robyn Ashfield's body began to slowly give up - and that she had no chances of pulling through.
Jim, her father, had immediately collapsed onto the floor - his knees hitting the hard panels with force, hands covering his face as water spewed from his bloodshot eyes - feeling hopeless and completely sick. He heaved for air while he sobbed, feeling as a nurse had hugged him tightly for comfort.

Spencer was next to cry, standing beside a devastated Jim Ashfield, he had covered his mouth with his hand; the words echoing through his head like an empty tunnel. Tears immediately flooded his eyes, and just the thought of Louise dying had made his legs grow weak. He had demanded he entered her room, for he wanted to spend every second with her sleeping body until it were no longer living anymore.

I should've known the consequences, Spencer swallowed hard while his blurry eyes rested upon Louise's resting body. He blamed himself, realising how stupid he seemed for not understanding that there was always a high risk of Louise's body rejecting her new lungs after the transplant. In many organ transplants, bodies often tried to reject the new part - but with Louise suffering already from Cystic Fibrosis, of course it were going to happen. She had such a high risk of it, and Spencer couldn't even help her.
After meeting Louise in that elevator, right from the beginning, Spencer wished a specific wish every single night. A wish that seemed so simple, yet it wasn't.

He wished so hard that Louise could just receive new lungs and live a longer and fuller life. But, it were easer said than done; and the woman laying before him was the best example.

Now, sitting at the end of Louise's bed, Spencer continued to sob - and while hearing the loud cries coming from outside the door, which belonged to her father, the genius couldn't help but to release more tears that streamed down his face.

Louise looked so peaceful; her eyes closed and face resting, with her hair placed around her perfectly, she looked utterly beautiful. But, Spencer couldn't help but to think he'd never be able to hold her again; never be able to kiss her lips and hug her tightly - never be able to feel her fingers trace over his chest or feel her lips run across his jawline.

Spencer leaned back in his seat, hugging Louise's favourite book, accepting that she was dying; dying extremely slowly.

But all he could do was stay with her in that tiny room, in all hopes that she'd be able to wake up just one last time before her vision could turn black for good.