Trying to live

Farewell

The person looking straight back at me is Jo. Shit. I hate this. Should I have told her about everything earlier as with everybody else? Then again, it's my choice when to tell people. 

"Katniss? I haven't seen you in a while and all of a sudden you end up in chemo? Why haven't you told me? Am I the only one to not know about something again?" she asks, looking confused and upset. 

"Jo! I can explain it all and no, you're not the only one. I haven't told a lot of people. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to ignore talking about it as much as possible for fewer people to worry about it. It's just pathetic to be of such a bad influence." I sigh and look away from her face. I can't deal with the look she's giving me. It's not Jo, Jo's supposed to be funny and looking at me at least sarcastically. Not like I would be made of glass and could break at any moment.

She comes closer to me slowly and eventually just hugs me tightly and I chuckle at her being so close suddenly. "So, you finally found time to warm up to me fully, hm?" I say and she mumbles at me to shut up. I smile a bit at her until feeling a similar pain in my chest again and pushing her away a bit to try to relieve it. She pulls away quickly with a panicking look in her eyes as I start coughing for my life. "Katniss? Is everything okay?" 

I nod at her, yet continue coughing for a bit and wipe away the spit. "I'm perfectly fine, you get used to this after a bit. Trust me, it's not as bad as it looks like," I say and chuckle. "Although um, Jo, I'm feeling a bit dizzy, can you get me a glass of water please?" 

"Of course, I'll be back in just a second, just sit back down please," she says, before running off to the water machine. I try reaching for the chair, yet pass out before getting there. 

-Johanna's POV-

I get to the water machine and fill the cup with water, that'll surely be too cold for poor Katniss. What happened to her, to us? We were best friends, so how could she hide something so big from me, from all of us? 

My mind is most likely running at around 7 billion miles per hour when I get back to Katniss and scream my head off. This is my fault. I should have never left her after hearing her cough like this! This all just cannot be happening! She has Peeta to grow old with, not to mention 3 wonderful children to raise, so she better be fine or she is not the Katniss Everdeen that we all know!

Some doctors run in and ask me about all the information that I know. I tell them, how I heard her cough and she was about to go through her first chemotherapy session, they just nod and take her away.

"She'll need to go through the operation right now," a nurse says.

"We don't have a donor!" a resident yells back as an answer. 

I would have loved to step in to be the donor myself but I, too, have my own babies to raise. It all will be so much harder without Kat but we have to give it a try. I can't leave Sara here alone, she's only 14 months old. 

"We don't have a pulse," are the last words I hear before all noise gets cancelled out in my ears. I feel myself falling on my knees and tears starting to roll down my cheeks as a doctor checks her recent x-rays and decides not to perform CPR on her. 

I could have been in the room crying for minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months or years, I couldn't have told the difference. A doctor eventually got my attention, though, and tries to calm me down through different breathing exercises and shit that has never worked on me, so why should it now? I get up and leave the room, then the hospital, get to my car, drive to a lonely parking lot and scream and cry until I fall asleep.

-Peeta's POV-

I get my babies picked up from kindergarten and school and smile while looking at them. Katniss should be home by now, I wonder why she hasn't called me about her appointment. Probably busy chatting with Annie. 

As I pull into my driveway, I see Finnick's car already in front of the house. So Annie borrowed his car today, huh? I chuckled a bit, got Rye and Elle out of their seats as Willow had already jumped out of the car and ran into the house, and I followed my dear daughter. Inside Annie quite literally jumps onto me while sobbing and my heart sinks as I see Finnick come closer with red eyes. 

"Katniss... She's dead, Peeta," I hear her whisper into my ear in between her sobs and I feel my world falling apart.

- 3 years later, May 8th - 

I walk to the graveyard with a self-made bouquet of dandelions. I look at all the headstones of past people and instinctively walk to hers. The love of my life, who sadly passed. "How are you doing in the afterlife? I hope it's nice wherever you are now."  I place the dandelions in front of the grave and kiss my hand and through it kiss the tombstone. "You know Katniss, you were so strong. Thank you for everything. You gave me 3 wonderful children who miss you so much. To be quite honest, it hurts every single day, I miss you so much, yet I know I can never meet up with you again. At least not in this life or in this world. I love you still and I will never get over you. 

Willow's looking more and more like you each day and making me braid her hair like yours. Annie taught me how to more specifically - I think that I learnt pretty well too, at least I'm improving with each try. You would like it wouldn't you? There are cheese buns at home, so if you would like any, just come by, please. 

Alright, I'll let you rest from my thoughts now, I'll sit with you." I say and sit on the bench beside her grave and listen to the mockingbirds.