"Every night before going to bed, I pray that when I wake up, I'll remain human. Every morning, I can't help but be afraid that when I look into the mirror, I'll see a monster."
[Formerly known as "The Death of A Hero"]
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or; It's been a...
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There is a little thing about Luke Castellan that most people don't really know.
The thing is, he has absolutely no idea what to do in the face of an emotional breakdown. Sure, spending summers as a camp counselor makes things a bit easier, especially when you're primarily the one the girls come to about their first periods, or guys when they go through voice changes and aching bones.
Spending four to five years as a camp counselor has refined his technique in actually talking to people. That does, in no way mean that Luke is an expert at handling other people when they are clearly not okay. Luke, however good at giving The Talk and The Other Talk, is not a therapist.
(Luke flounders when faced with tears. He's never been good at comforting people when they are crying.)
So, it makes sense, that as Percy throws down the butter knife, clearly experiencing some form of emotional distress, Luke can only stand rooted still to his spot in the kitchen, heart beating thickly in his throat and moisture welling up behind his eyes (though for the newly-reacquired-life of him, he can't figure out why).
Luke makes no effort to stop Percy or say something as he walks away, all he can do is stand there, shock still, Percy's words reverberating inside his head, playing themselves over and over on repeat, until the words themselves fade into nothing more than white noise, the sounds indistinguishable and meaningless.
It only makes sense, that there would be some changes in the two years Luke was dead - but never in his wildest dreams had Luke expected something like this. It almost seems earth-shattering, this revelation that Perseus Jackson is not as perfect and naive as he seems, that this version of him is almost a carbon copy of Luke himself when he was at this age, and Luke is left floundering, completely out of his depth.
He doesn't have a single clue as to what to do.
A sudden memory comes out of nowhere, and Luke is reminded of when he'd been on the cusp of twelve, his first night at camp - in his own bed, not with Thalia or Annabeth oh gods where were they, where did they go? - eyes snapping awake during the middle of the night, panicking about something of some sort -
(Thinking back on it, Luke thinks it might have been something to do with his mom - the woman he called May before leaving forever because he wasn't sure if the thing in front of him was his mother anymore - and the haunting fear that the evanescent light that came to her in fits would completely surround her, consume her from the inside, swallow her up until no remnant of his mother is left inside - )
and his knees were drawn up tightly to his chest, his fingers clamped down onto his biceps so tightly he had crescents shaped scars on his arms for weeks afterward, and his breath coming out in short, agitated puffs. He remembered the feeling of not knowing how much time had passed since he curled up into a tight, barely breathing, compressed ball, wondering if he was going to die right then and there - but -
