Avengers (Xreaders)

The hard truth // N.R

—your POV—

It's been so long since I've felt something, I'm afraid I'll never feel again. I haven't felt love, lust, sadness, pain, happiness. I'm just numb. I cant love anyone, especially myself. After I lost my brother, Pietro, I haven't been able to express emotions.

My sister has been doing well either. I've distanced myself from everyone. Include Wanda. I was the little big middle of the family. Now, I'm suddenly taking on the responsibility of looking after Wanda. Pietro was supposed to look after us, he supposed to be there till the end but he's gone.

My eyes were red and puffy. I constantly had uncontrollable tears filled my last emotions float down my cheek, leaving a stream of last moments with my older brother. Whom I look up to.

He was the one who kept us smiling after our parents died. Now I couldn't tell want I wanted with myself. What I expected of myself. My nose was red and stuffy, it made my voice sound funny. Though I haven't talked much to find out what it sounds like.

I kept repeating the song Pietro would sing to me and Wanda on late nights where none of us could sit still long enough to sleep. I remember his sweet smile glazing over his face as the song left his mouth in a god awful tone.

I never thought I would miss it as much as I do know. I miss the way he would try to cheer me up when a lady problem happened and he was trying to be the best supportive brother he could be.

There was a sudden knock on my door and it made me jump out my deep walk through memory lane. Like I had dropped a picture on the floor wnd it shattered at my feet. Just like he did.

"Come in-" I said. I almost couldn't speak, my voice was to dry.

"I brought you some water, and crackers... I didn't want you to starve." It was Natasha Romanhoff.

She gave me a half smile but filled with full heart intent. I didn't have the power to smile back at her. It still hurt to smile, he made me smile more than anyone. I gently took the glass and gulped down a bit of it before resting it on my leg.

I sat on the floor of my room, my back up against my bed staring out at the morning sun rising above the trees. I hadn't slept all night, I haven't slept for a week, or maybe two. I've last track.

"Can I sit down?" Natasha asked, she wasn't reluctant, she wasn't walking on eggshells like everyone else did either. She was calm and understanding.

I only nodded. She sat down laying her legs out Infront of her. She seemed calm, like she knew my pain, and understood what I needed but didn't want to ask for.

"I know where your at y/n..." she started.

I shook my head I wanted her to stop already. I didn't want her to tell me what I needed. I wanted to suffer through this I could have blocked the hits I could have seen it coming.

"I need you to try and leave this place. It's almost been a month since Pietro died, and you need to try for him." She spoke with a stern but gentle voice.

I shook my head once more. "No- no, no I can't do that- I can't just pretend it didn't happen." I started to tear up again. The lump reached my throat as I struggled to swallow it down.

"I'm not going to pretend I'm not hurting- be-because it hurts so bad- I just- I want him back- I want me back. He took me with his and there gone- Pietro is fucking gone!" I yelled the last part.

I was sobbing at this point. I could t stand loosing it. Loosing me. Loosing him. Loosing Wanda. I had to be strong for everyone and I knew that, but I didn't want that responsibility, I'm not old enough yet. Even if I was born only a few minutes before Wanda, I still was to young and so is she.

"I don't want to see you do this to yourself." She turned her body to me. Cupping my face and starring down into my eyes with complete sympathy.

"I need to know you'll be okay... I l-" she began.

"Please don't say you love me." I whispered out to her and she frowned. I leaned my head on hers and she understood.

My misery was once hers. And I will have to find a way out soon but how. That was the question I will forever ask myself. How.