My Hired Boyfriend (Completed)

36. Frying an Egg

            “I was so jealous—I was jealous that you had Coda, jealous of the fact that you spent so much time with him, jealous of the fact that you two clearly love each other and I was stuck with my stupid crush on Jeremy that I’ve had since second grade and—“

            She stops to take a breath, her sudden outburst shocking me.

            Tears swim in her eyes and my heart breaks.

            “When Coda left, I was glad. I’m sorry,” she tells me brokenly, squeezing my hand and looking up at me. “I don’t enjoy the fact that you are in pain, I swear, I love you too much to do that but I thought that with him gone, you would run back to me except—“ she shakes her head slightly, tears running down her face. “Except you didn’t run to me. You didn’t run to anyone. You just barricaded yourself away. You are dealing with everything by yourself and I realize now that you have changed so much— you are braver, stronger now. And I think to myself, maybe you have become so strong that you don’t need anyone else to help and I guess if that’s the case, I’m proud of you because you’re not a pushover any more but that’s means that you don’t need me anymore—“

            “Oh Addy,” I say, choking. I pull her in for a fierce hug, both of us crying. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my contract with Coda and everything happening. I got too caught up in my own life to even remember that I was forgetting about you.”

            She tries to protest but I continue.

            “The truth is, I am not okay. I feel like I am in an impassive daze, answering and doing all of the right things just… I guess I feel really empty, like I am waiting for him to come back but I know that he won’t,” I tell her.

            “Why did you let him go?” she asks, curious.

            It was such a simple and innocent question, not meant to be accusing at all yet I recoiled.

            Why did I let him go so easily?

            I try to think of so many excuses, Excuses like— I was too shocked that Jeremy would kick Coda out, I was not myself, I don’t know where Coda is—

            But in all honesty, I could see Jeremy’s point. I was scared to death.

            Everything with Cordero and Rick caught up with me so fast and in what seemed like a split second, I realized that Coda and I could literally die.

            Was all of this worth enough for me to risk not only my life but my family’s life?

            I flop back on to my bed and Addy falls back with me, our fingers intertwined.

            “You messed you,” she says. It’s more of a statement. It didn’t sound accusatory at all, more like she was reading my thoughts.

            I did mess up.

            I rest my free hand over my eyes and try to ignore the ache in my ribs.

            “I am so scared Addy. When we got in that accident, they were really going to kill us and I feel like such a coward, but I don’t want to die,” I tell her, my throat closing.

            “but you love him?” She asks me, trying to piece together my situation.

            Did I love Coda?

            I think back to the moment he confronted Jeremy, yelling that he loved me and my heart begins to race all over again.

            Man did I miss that boy so much.