Don't die on me...

Just a dream ...

A tear slipped through my eye as I saw my mom walk out of the cab with the help of Lucas. How could a person change so much in a week? That couldn’t be my mother, that isn’t she. The woman in front of me was pale; she could barely walk without any help. She looked tired; her brown hair was in a messy bun and her eyes looked lifeless, like somebody sucked the life out of them. She stood in front of me with Lucas supporting her and smiled weakly. I turned to look at my dad behind me; it was like he’d seen a ghost. He looked at mom painfully, like it actually hurt too se her. I could see his knuckles turn white from the corner of my eye and his lips sealed tight, leaving only a small line. I twisted my head to turn my attention to my mom, my heart beat faster at the sight of her, and it didn’t stop surprising me, seeing her like this.

“Mom …” my voice cut, my brain couldn’t concentrate anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes; I could feel the ache down deep inside, no words in the world could describe the pain I felt in my heart. My mom looked at me sadly, then at my dad. “Sweetie, it’s okay. It’s not as bad as it seems.” She said weakly while coming closer to me and put her hands around me. I was too shocked to move, too shocked to say anything. Her voice … it was so different. This is just a dream. This woman couldn’t be my mom; this ill, pale person isn’t my mom. How can a person change so much in matter of days? How could this happen? Wasn’t the purpose of her trip to get her healthy again? My gaze switched to Lucas, who was standing behind my mom. Those blue eyes pierced into mine, unreadable, just like his face. He had a blank expression, showed no emotion at all.

It was like it all came back to me, like a punch to the stomach; suddenly I realized who I was hugging and how sick she was. I fell to the floor, not able to stand up, and started sobbing while shaking my head. This wasn’t a dream; it was reality, my reality. I felt two arms wrap around me and looked up to see my dad. I shook my head more furiously as my body started to shudder. “No.” I whispered too my dad. “She was supposed to feel better. This isn’t happening! No... NO.” I yelled out. My dad held my head in his hands, as an attempt to make it stop moving and looked me in the eyes. “Angela, think about what you promised me yesterday. This is hard for all of us, specially your mom. Look at her.” He whispered quietly, like he only wanted me to know.

I tore my gaze from him and looked up. My mom had her head in her hands, crying in the arms of Lucas. She looked so vulnerable, standing there in our lawn, so weak, so … unlike my mom. I was supposed to look after her when she came back, I promised my dad. Even if this was all about my mom, we were supposed to help her, make her stronger and not make her cry, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be unselfish, this was too much for me to handle. “Sorry dad, I can’t.” I barely said out loud and didn’t stop to see his disappointed face but got up on my feet, ran up the stairs to my room. I hopped on my bed; put my arms around my legs and my head on my knees while I sobbed quietly to myself.

I don’t know how long I sat there … thinking and crying, it could’ve been minutes, hours or days until someone knocked on my door and came in. I looked up to see Lucas standing there in front of my door, he quietly came and sat beside me, my bed shifted at his weight. He mimicked my sitting and his muscles flexed on the way. We sat there, not saying anything, not moving, it was quiet. But strangely, it was exactly what I needed to make me stop crying, his presence comforted me. I dried my tears and sighed. I looked at Lucas, his eyes came across mine and I found myself lost in his eyes yet again. Even if he was a handsome guy, he was tall and muscular and he had an attractive face, his best feature was his eyes.

The sun behind him made him glow and look like a saint. He surely was a saint for what he’d done for me for the past two days. He talked more than naturally, helped me with things in the house and I helped him with the lawn. He stayed later than usual, discussed and made jokes with me and my dad, I even caught them working with my dad’s car once in the garage. I learned more about him as a person and realized that all my assumptions about him were wrong. He was a sweet, open, funny guy. He was helpful, and I always caught myself smiling when he was there. I don’t think he’s realized how much all that meant to me, he helped my head relax and not think about all the crazy things that were happening. But while he was open and smiling I still felt that there was always something he held back, his smile weren’t always genuine and he still was a … mystery. Sure over the past days we’ve grown closer, closer than I ever thought, closer than two people can get on two days, he still doesn’t tell me that much about his past. He’s barely said anything about his family or friends and when I asked he only shook his head not answering. I know I shouldn’t expect anything, we’ve known each other only a month but I couldn’t help but get disappointed when he didn’t say anything. At the same time, when I knew there was a lie behind his smile, there was a cry behind my laugh. Yeah sure, I’ve tried not to think about my mom all this time, I’ve tried to stay happy and positive for my dad, but there was always something inside of me. something