Exploding Hearts (bxb) | ✔

T H R E E

My eyes narrow towards him at the tone he spoke my name in. "It is what happened," I shoot back, sipping on my drink again and looking elsewhere.

"Right," Max nods as he pokes his tongue into his cheek briefly.

"Did you need something?" I ask as I look back at him with confusion.

"Am I not allowed to talk to you?" He responds with a small laugh, bringing his cup up to his lips again. My eyes running over the array of rings across his fingers.

"Depends what the reason is for," I say seriously.

Max's eyes narrow at me. "To get to know you," he tells me.

"Why?"

"Because I'm interested in you," he says boldly, causing my stomach to flip inside of me.

My eyes study him for a few moments, unsure what his real intentions were. "You don't know me." I say stubbornly.

"Not yet," he smirks towards me, drinking from his cup as he remains eye contact. "We should go out some time."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

Max pulls back for a moment and shares a confused glance with me. "Why would this be a joke?"

Something in my mind wasn't adding up, there must be another reason why Max is adamant to get to know me. No guys ever approach me like this, tell me that we should go out. Something felt off and I didn't know if I should trust my gut or take a chance.

"Because shit like this doesn't happen to me," I say eventually. "People like you don't talk to me."

Max's lips crack into a beautiful smile that I didn't want to even admit. "Well they do," he says smoothly. "University is a place to meet people you might not usually meet, people from all spectrums of life."

My lips swish at his words. "Haven't you got another fresher to pick on?" I say sourly.

He chuckles and looks down to the floor quickly. "So now you admit you're a fresher?"

My eyes roll towards him, I really didn't have the patience for this. For his stupid prank or sheer humilation that he was currently trying to get me to fall for.

Max steps forward, his body almost against mine, dipping his head to my ear. "You're in your first year, you should start saying yes more. You'll have fun, trust me." He mumbles quietly before taking off into the house and shutting the door behind him.

I keep my eyes trained on him through the window as he worms his way through the party.

You should start saying yes more.

For a moment I ponder, I know that I've always been shy and reserved but maybe I didn't need to be like that here. Maybe he was right, maybe I needed to give things a chance. Saying no and staying shielded might leave me regretting things when I'm older.

The idea of spontaneity seemed alien to me but maybe I needed to loosen up and enjoy my university days. I wouldn't get a time like this again.

PRESENT
JANUARY 2021

Jamie boils the kettle as I scrunch myself up into a ball on the sofa. The tears had stopped but the aching inside my heart felt like I had been ripped open and all those old emotions had finally come flooding back.

I wouldn't even wish this type of pain on someone else, heartbreak isn't something to be taken lightly.

You lay up in bed, day in, day out asking why you weren't good enough?