Longing •Bucky Barnes•

42. I Have to Lie

"Any luck with the therapist?" I asked hesitantly. His eyes shifted away from and conveniently to the two bottles I had left out when making my drink this morning.

"What are you drinking?" He asked looking at me very confused.

"Orange juice." I said biting my lip. "At least I'm not deflecting the question."

I turned around to go put away the bottles not thinking Morgan needed to find them later on. I put them both away while I heard Bucky sigh and groan behind me. I knew I didn't need to press, but I was worried and I'd be a bad girlfriend if I didn't ask.

"I talked a little bit about it but, not a lot." He said playing with his finger nails.

"That's good." I said nodding my head as I crossed my arms and leant against the counter behind me. "It's a start."

"I guess." He said shaking his head. "That's really nice of you to go help Sam."

"I mean you know, he's practically family. Maybe not my family, but he means a lot to you and Steve." I said shrugging knowing I was lying out my ass but it was necessary.

"I just wish I could handle things with Morgan myself or at least go with you." I said shaking his head. "I'm worthless without you, I hope you know that."

"Don't talk like that Bucky. It's just a favor for him. That and Happy is glad to take Morgan whenever, same with Peter. I may not have experience of raising a child, but I know it takes a village." I said stepping around the counter and wrapping an arm around him. "I mean how many sleepovers did Morgan have with us because Tony and Pepper needed to catch up on sleep or even just catch their breath."

"I guess but I've barley been around to help with anything. I spent 16 hours a day inside of a cage and in a chair talking about my feelings. I can hardly keep my eyes open for the other 8." He said not looking at me.

"And she doesn't love you any less because of it, and neither do I." I said brushing my fingers through his hair.

"You have to carry twice the responsibilities." He said sharply.

"I am just fine." I said finally making eye contact with him.

"You're drinking vodka for breakfast." He said eyeing me.

"I grew up in Sokovia, it's in my blood." I said and he just rolled his eyes. "I can't get drunk anyways you know that."

"Yeah, well for normal people drinking this early is a cause for concern." He said and I just smiled.

"Well thank goodness we are not normal people." I said smiling at him.

"That we are not." He said sounding like he gave up pressing about this.

His head tilted to the side and rested on my chest. I could feel how cold he was and how much his body was weak. Poor thing could hardly keep his head up as I pet the side of his head.

"I want to nap so badly, but I have to go back to the tank if I want to." He said in a whining tone.

"I mean you could go lay down in the room, Morgan's at school for the next few hours." I said knowing it probably wasn't the best idea but I knew he needed to catch up on sleep.

"And risk hurting you? Yeah no." He said firmly.

"Maybe the exhaustion is making all of this worse." I said gently.

"Bruce knows, but he gets better readings when I'm exhausted. Its easier to wake the beast is how he phrases it." He explained and I just sighed.

"I'm sorry. I wish there is something I could do to make this better." I said softly.

"Keep rubbing my ears just like that." He said nuzzling up to me as I stood next to him.

I chuckled at how adorable he was but I knew he missed me. He was always clingy to me when he got home from the events of the evening. He was usually drained and upset from therapy, but I was happy he was at least starting to address his problems, even if it was slow.

"I miss you, I miss sleeping next to you, the cuddling all of it." He said in a sad tone.

"I'm excited for when you're able to come back." I said trying to emphasize the idea that the only way to do that was to get better.

I knew this was a process we couldn't rush, but I knew he was resisting at least the therapy portion of it. The more willing he was to get help the sooner things could go back. I was happy to be patient because it was worth every cold and sleepless night worried about him.

"I pray that day is sooner than later." He said with a sigh.