The Trials of Being Loved

Part 19 - Freedom, Polar Bear?

"What's with the food and table? Why are they all my favorites?"

"I didn't know that, I like them too." Tay sighed. "I'm hungry, New. I didn't eat this morning. Come out and eat with me."

"No!"

"Fine. You stay in there, you sleep in there. I don't care anymore. I'm eating." Tay stood and while he didn't usually put music on, now he did. He selected a mellow playlist to listen to and sat down. He decided to wait 10 minutes and eat if New was or wasn't out of the bathroom.

Humming gently to a old love song, Tay was at the table with his eyes closed when he heard the door open. At the sound, Tay put the first bite of food in his mouth and chewed. Then he took another bite. 

He made no sound or even acknowledge New as he sat on the stool beside him, only continued to eat slowly. New picked up his cutlery and slowly began to eat. They ate in total silence. It wasn't the dinner that Tay wished for, but at least they did eat together. 

Tay began to clear the dishes and New simply sat there. He watched Tay, his gaze hooded and thoughtful. No one had ever ignored one of his temper tantrums, except his mom. Entering his late teens with different issues than everyone else, he had his mom to thank for noticing it wasn't his fault. 

She worked tirelessly with him and his doctor to get the help he needed, so that most of the time, he WAS okay. In the bathroom, he had to admit, that this week was too long to not have his medication. He was slipping, sliding back into The Brat. 

New sighed. He stood up and went to the drawer he found that morning where Tay kept paper and pens. He wrote down his doctor's name and a phone number and slid it to Tay. "Call here. Tell them to courier over my prescription. I'm going to lay down."

"But..."

"Don't worry, they won't ask any questions. It's a private line. Just arrange a code or something for them to get through. You're right, I need my medication." He didn't look back as he answered, just closed the bedroom door.

Tay stared at the paper in his hand. Was this the first step in building trust between them? An actual relationship? He wanted to run and kiss New but was it too soon for that? He found the old cellphone and dialed. It worked the way he said and 2 hours later, a small bottle was in his hands. 

He studied the label intently. So, this little bottle would help? Tay wondered, reading the name, citalopram. It sounded scary to him. He pulled out his phone and searched. Newwie hadn't said much, except he had problems with his mental health. This bottle would tell him more, of that, he was sure. He soothed his conscious that it wasn't snooping because he WAS told to do this!

"Oh FUCK ME!" The phone slipped from his hands. Why hadn't Newwie told him sooner? Why was he doing this alone? "Depression? What the fuck was this medication actually being used for? Severe side effects? What the hell, New?" He mumbled, tossing the bottle from hand to hand, the conversation where he kept talking of not wanting to live floating back up.

He really thought it was just every one has those types of bad days, he was over reacting. Tay wanted to brush it off as New was acting, or rather over reacting. This minute, he wanted to crawl into bed with him and protect him from the world.

"But how do I protect him from himself?" He gave the bottle a final toss in the air and sighed, walked to the bedroom door and opened it. His world was crashing in on him as he realized it was all his fault for making Newwie face things to harshly. For pushing him to open up to things when he didn't want to.

He broke him. HE REALLY HAD BROKE HIM, DOWN INTO TINY PIECES!

Just like the internet said, New had escaped into sleep. Twisted up into the duvet, even though Tay had turned the air conditioning down so it was warmer, New had still burrowed deep under the covers. Tay stood silently and watched him sleeping. Only his face was visible. So pale and yet, there was nothing peaceful about it.

He could see how his eyelids fluttered and moved, his forehead wrinkled and every so often, his body jerked. His breathing was erratic. Was he going to scream when Tay woke him up? Well, it didn't matter, Tay needed to re-start the medication. The label said 2 tablets a day, so let's get the first pill in!

Setting the bottle down, he poured a glass of water from the pitcher. He reached across the bed and gently poked the pile of twisted blankets, calling, "New, the pills are here. Newwie, wake up."

No response. Grunting softly, he pulled back the covers or at least, tried to. New had wound them tightly around himself, effectively cocooning himself. "Fuck, Babe, you'd better become a butterfly after you take these magic pills." He joked softly as he carefully unwound the duvet enough to drag Newwie into a sitting position. 

"Lemme sleep." It was so faint, barely legible, Tay hardly heard his words. His lips pressed tightly but his voice remained stable, soft and gentle. "No. You asked me to get these for you, Babe." He had the dose listed on the bottle ready in his hand. He wasn't sure if he needed water or not, but also had that ready. "Here."

To his shock, New simply opened his mouth like a little baby bird and Tay popped in the pill. New closed his mouth and Tay watched his adam's apple bob. His eyes squinted. Everything he read in his quick research said you were to check to ensure they swallowed the medication. He sighed. New took that pill way too easily.

"Open your mouth, Babe. I need to make sure you swallowed. I have water here." 

New didn't even open his mouth, simply reached for the bottle and still without opening his eyes, swallowed half the bottle. Then, and only then did he open wide. "Satisfied?" He grabbed the top edge of the duvet and pulled it back over his face as he slid back down to lie flat. "Go away and let me sleep." 

Tay took the bottle of medication but left the water. He was almost out the door when he heard noises. On silent feet, he turned and crept closer to hear. 

The sight of New, wrapped in his fluffy blue duvet, with only his face showing, and the lump shaking, as tears silently rolled down his face, pale and drawn, would haunt Tay for weeks. 

Swiftly, Tay turned and ran. This was a beer night if there ever was. "Fuck, better a can of beer than crying, New!"